Depression Exists

Hello Everyone,

Hope your all having a great week! 

I thought about whether or not to show you my tattoo, and then I remembered I promised to show all parts of my world this year.

So without further ado, welcome to my tattoo. A huge part of my world. 

A lot of tattoos come with their fair share of stories and mine is no different as it holds great meaning to me. I didn’t just wake up and decide I wanted a tattoo at 43. It was after I had survived my attempted suicide nearly 4 years ago that my son mentioned the idea of me getting one. At first I laughed it off, but after loads of thought it started to make complete sense for me to go ahead with it.

You see that day I woke in hospital 4 years ago, I didn’t want to live, not even a tiny bit! I was incredibly unhappy. The lights were on but no one was home. It was like I had lost my soul and I didn’t know where to find it. Darkness surrounded me and all I felt was deep pain and sorrow.  In fact it took 1 month in hospital and 15 ECT’S ( Shock Treatment) to make me realise that I did want to live, I just needed to learn how!

After every tear a person could possibly shed I knew in my heart of hearts I could never let this happen to me again, or put those that love me through such pain and sadness ever again. Unfortunately being Bipolar only makes this even harder to do. Somehow I had to learn to love me and forgive everyone around me that had hurt me so badly when I was younger. The only way I could think of this,  was to tattoo myself to remind myself that that day in hospital when I said I wanted to live? I had to have something that would always remind me of this.

So the fairy reminds me that I made a wish that day to somehow find the will to live. When I’m low it’s a constant reminder to seek help when I’m sliding. I put my Sakura at the bottom as she’s my child and has pulled me through many many dark nights. I needed her close by me as she fills me with unconditional love and strength. She’s much more than a cat to me.

The fairy’s dress being pink was for my favourite colour.  I had them tattoo really bright colours so it was in my face… and boy is it bright, agree?? 🙂

Whenever I’m low?  this is a constant reminder to get help and to do it quickly.

The tattoo is very large and it’s on my right thigh.

Now I realise I was hospitalised in March last year for some of the same reasons, and you could argue the point that it hasn’t really helped me, right? Not true though. It got me through 3 years without being hospitalised. It was me and my psychiatrist that made the decision to hospitalise me last year.  I was extremely suicidal and very close to not being here. But it was the the tattoo that reminded me to seek help. You see I smile when I’m happy and have learnt to hide behind that smile when I’m sad. I learnt this as a child. So it can be really hard for those who love me, as they see me smiling and at times wonder if I’m really happy or not?

Have you or anyone you know, ever had a tattoo to remind you or them of anything? There are many stories behind tattoos and I would love to hear yours.

Hope I haven’t shocked any new readers seeing this huge tattoo on my thigh.

Many hugs to you all, Paula xxxx

Don’t give up!

Hello fellow bloggers,

Lets keep climbing to the top…wherever that may lead!

The sky is the limit. So good luck to all of us.

Hugs to you all. Paula xxx

Depression Exists

Thought I would touch base with the rest of the blogging community as I’ve kind of drifted away again.

When I say drift, I mean that life kind of threw the curve ball at me with my Step dad dying;  It’s now been nearly 3 weeks and I’m feeling a little better, as is my mum. He’s still very much in our hearts, but it makes you realize that life has to go on or else you would fall apart every day and then what good are you to anyone, or even yourself for that! You know when sometimes in life you make the wrong decisions, or you take the wrong turn in life and you regret the hell out of whatever bad choice or decision you have made? Well, I think from all the bad things in my life Ray was the one constant good thing that was a part of my life, so when that person goes; a part of you goes too.
At the funeral my eldest son came up to me and hugged me and said: “That would have been you if you had committed suicide and we would have been here for you.” I hugged him and cried more, because I knew he was right. Now when I’m feeling  a little low and I think life is too tiring, I think about what he said to me and let me tell you, it resonated with me!

Suicide is a selfish act, my psychiatrist always reminds me of this but sadly when a person gets to that point, they just don’t see it as that, they just want their pain to go away and apart from that, there’s not too much thought. From my point of view, it’s because you have already gone through all the if’s and but’s and there’s no real answer other than you’re unwell and all logic is out the door. It’s kind of like your pain or their pain, it’s a no-win situation. Who suffers more, you or them?
The problem is when someone is that far gone from reality you’re usually not their to save them, only they can do that and sadly more times than not, they lost the battle for life.

I suppose this is very depressing and an awful subject, but one that is sadly happening everyday somewhere around the world and for all different reasons.
Like you and me I suppose, if we knew someone was about to commit suicide and we could do something to help, we would! However in most cases it’s a silent killer and one that’s usually been thought about for some time and no matter how much we thought we could have stopped it, I don’t think we could.

So, what can we do in these situations?
Personally I think it’s to be more aware of those we love and whom we know are struggling with life in one shape or another and to just be there for them; not just want them to hurry and finish their story, but to really sit there and listen to what’s troubling them. It’s incredible how many people have no one to confide in.
Depression is a sad lonely place to be and it holds no race or prejudice, anyone can be seduced by it; I say seduced, as all our beliefs at that point can’t seem to help us, they have been pulled too far away from our reality and that’s when suicidal thoughts begin. Life feels hopeless and things just aren’t going to get better, but they can and will; Life is full of ups and downs and we have to learn to take the good with the bad, even when the bad is down right ugly and unforgivable.
I say believe in you, and all the great things you once stood for; remember the songs you once loved and singing them out loud in your car and all the memories they would bring? You didn’t care who was listening because they made you happy and bought back great memories, remember your favorite foods like your mum’s pasta or nanna’s cake she baked, and your favorite restaurant where they greeted you as if you were family? Or just the smell of certain foods that still trigger great memories. Gosh I still remember getting my first Choo-Choo bar!
It was made from aniseed and really hard to bite and my tongue and mouth would be black. Lol.  Even as a kid when my life was sad and awful in parts this still brings back great memories; What about your first car you bought and how happy you felt, even if it was a wreck you didn’t care because it meant you had freedom to go wherever we chose, right?  or your first girlfriend/boyfriend and the butterflies you got in your stomach when you saw them, your first pet or the pet you have now whom you love and adore. They fill us with unconditional love and we need them as much as they need us; these are the simple things in life that we forget and that can trigger happy memories. Life can be hard at times, and seem unfair but hold on and just try to get through this day and see what tomorrow brings. You’re not no one, you are someone special and many people love you and would be lost without you, stay strong and remember what greatness could be waiting around the corner for you, never give up on you!

So remember, that one act of kindness you give to a loved one, friend or colleague could mean everything to that person. It’s so easy to walk away from trouble than to actually take the time to listen to what someone in need has to say, even if they don’t tell you but you see something’s not right, ask, “are you okay?” That’s all it sometimes takes.

Think of this, We give money to charities to help the needy so why can’t we spare a bit of our time to those who are struggling and need guidance and help? They need it just as much as the charities, if not more!

Hugs to you all. Paula xx

Living with a black dog

Hi everyone!

My son’s girlfriend showed me this really helpful guide for people living with depression and people living with people who have depression.
It’s called: “Living with a black dog” and can be purchased here.

The site has other illustrated books that help control other mental illness such as Anxiety, they were written by a man who also suffers and as such they’re much more relatable.

In a collaboration with the World Health Organization, they’ve released a narrated video of the book.
I think everyone should check it out as it’s very insightful and helpful.

Hugs and kisses! 🙂
xoxo

Depression Exists

Hey fellow bloggers, hope all is well with you all! 🙂

You probably have noticed that I’ve commented on some of your posts, but once again have neglected my own blog.

I did say I was ready to return to blogging and that I had most of my life all sorted, but the truth is I suppose it takes longer to fully recover than I realized, or at least wanted to accept!

To go through what I did was pretty horrific and to be honest I think I was being a little optimistic about my recovery. To return to everyday life seems easier than it really is, the fact that I had become suicidal and was put into hospital isn’t really that traumatic to me; now I know you’re all going: “WHAT THE”, right? 🙂 I’ll explain, you see being Bipolar can come with many things the average person doesn’t have to cope or deal with, unfortunately some of us were just genetically dis-positioned right from the beginning.
For me, it’s not rare for my brain to think suicidal thoughts; the difference is knowing when or if you’re going to act on them. There are many people with Bipolar that deal with this, not just me and I truly feel for them. At times I can get confused with what exactly I’m thinking and at what level is the depth of that thinking, is my brain just obsessing and playing with the idea?
Can I reason with it, can I ignore it, or am I going to push the limit to see how far it will take me to the darkness?

My brain almost plays with the idea, it’s like a continuous questioning inside my brain and yet there isn’t any right or wrong answer, that’s the part that scares me. Damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Kind of like having schizophrenia, yet you don’t actually have schizophrenia. It’s like this constant chatter and questioning of yourself.

When I get really bad, my mind almost dares me to do it and once again all rational thinking is gone out the door! Life for me growing up was very traumatic and I had many bad things happen; although I am safe now and nobody can hurt me anymore, my brain when unwell, plays the bad events over and over. Some so much so, that I can’t cope and all I want to do is go to sleep… but I don’t ever want to wake up. I often wondered: is it today, or will it be tomorrow that I can no longer keep fighting the darkness.

My doctor has told me I’ve climbed mountains in my life and made it to the other side, that the past can no longer hurt me; I know he’s right, but at the time that is NOT what my brain tells me!
I suppose you could call me a working progress and believe me I can’t wait for the day when my past no longer controls my present!

I have a lot to live for, but when this happens to me I can’t see how to get there. This is why I’ve had shock treatment in the past, it works much more effectively and quicker than anti-depressants to stop the suicidal thoughts.

So what was so horrific about me going to hospital? It was the fact that I WAS about to act on those feelings and had lost all reasoning inside my brain and all I wanted to do was give up on life. Everything felt too hard when all I wanted was peace and happiness, but it wasn’t there because my past continues to plague me, the problem is; I don’t like to talk about what’s going on in my brain when this happens. For two reasons: One, I don’t won’t to worry anyone and Two, I struggle to let people in and I shut down.  If it wasn’t for my boyfriend insisting I went to my Psychiatrist, I wouldn’t even be here to write this. That’s how bad I was. Once again the past had taken control of my brain and I wasn’t able to stop it.

When I’m in remission: life is grand and everything has it’s place and I smile from morning till night, but when I become unwell, all logic flies out the door!  To me there’s nothing but obstacles and it’s at this point when I need all the love, help and understanding I can get! When this happens to me, I believe it’s not really me; it’s that little girl that gets lost inside my brain and she can only see the darkness which terrifies her, and she becomes frightened all over again. The past becomes the present, and the present seems like a distant dream.
She cries on the inside and smiles on the outside, because that’s how she survived the trauma; nobody could hear or see her pain and so she learnt to hide it. This pain went on for years before she finally got strong enough to say, no more! Yes, I am now a woman but I think there’s a part of me that’s broken and I must find peace for that girl inside or she will always be broken.

Life is definitely better than it was for me in March of this year and I’m thankful to everyone that has loved me so much to get me to this point, everyone deals with all kinds of hurtful things in their lives and I suppose we just have to work through one thing at a time. We have to forgive those that have hurt us so badly and somehow find an inner peace within ourselves. The past is the past and we have to look forward to the future or we will never really find true happiness.
Their poison will keep festering within our souls and bleed through our veins, so we must flush the poison out.

If you have dealt with trauma or know someone who has? I hug you and my heart truly feels for you. We have to try and move forward  to a bigger brighter more peaceful future.

Those that have hurt us have already robbed us of so much so lets not allow them take anymore, we all need to take back control of our own lives and destiny. A life where they no longer control us or our thoughts.

Remember, What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! Believe in you and how strong you are to have made it to today, and every other day before that. You may not feel strong, but you are! You are reading this which tells me you are looking for ways to heal yourself and that’s how it starts, people say to forgive and forget; I say forgive, but never forget because we must remember to never allow anyone like that into our lives again. Trust is not given it’s earned, I wish you well in your quest for happiness and to heal yourself. May the universe or your god keep you safe and give you the life you truly deserve; One free of pain and suffering.

Right now I’m reading a book called:  8 Keys To Safe Trauma Recovery
By Babette Rothschild

My Dr recommended it to me. If you feel like reading a self help book on Trauma Recovery it’s not bad. 

Those that follow me regularly, please do not worry as I am healing and doing all the right things.

Exercise is the main one and believe me it works. Those happy endorphin’s are running through my blood. 🙂

I wish you peace love and happiness.

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

Health Update

Hey world, how are you all? I have so missed you and your blogs.

Well, I came out of hospital like I said on the last post which was my birthday. I was relieved to be back home with my Sakura and my birds, Pippa and BJ.

I was allowed home on the condition I have maintenance ECT’s once  a week. So I go into hospital every Wednesday, have the ECT on Thursday morning and come home mid-morning. At first I wanted the Doctor to stop them as I had enough, but the truth is I think I need to keep up with them. Why you say? Okay, I’ll tell you! Lol

You see when you have Bipolar, life can be darn right tricky and at times you can be fooled into thinking everything is okay… When really, it’s not. Admitting you have a problem isn’t an easy task, actually far from it. Someone like me, who likes to smile and joke around, finds it difficult to come out and say “I need help”. I tend to keep it hidden deep inside me and it takes all my strength to hold on and not let the negative thoughts take over my head.

I love everyone around me and I have a great support network of people who love me,  but when you’re sliding into the darkness you try hard to not take them with you. In saying that, those around me want me to offload the burden onto them as they feel it will make life easier for me. As mush as I would love to do that, I still haven’t found the courage or the strength to reach out for help and take them into my darkness. There are times when I am alone and cry and ask God if he is real, please save me and let me have peace in my mind just like everyone else. I’m not religious as many of you know, but I’m a good person and feel if he is real he just might answer my prayer and one day make me free from this illness.

When I go into hospital my heart goes out to so many of the people there. We all take life and our health for granted, but what happens when our mental health goes haywire and we are left with this burden of trying to work out what life is all about and where we fit in the big picture of it all! I have a great life, filled with great friends and family, yet when darkness knocks at my door? I can try to ignore it but in the end I’m forced to answer it because the bell won’t stop ringing. So I let it in and then I’m forced to work it all out. Now at first it ignores me and stays swarming all around me, engulfing me in its darkness. But I want – and need – to live, so I have to look deep inside my soul to find the courage and strength to beat the darkness.

I stay away from dark coloured clothes as my Doctor says this is a good thing to do. I love black so I force myself into brighter colours when darkness looks like it could win. Some days it’s all so hard and I just want to sit down and say, No More! If it wasn’t for all the people I love so much I really would just give in. But NO!! I won’t and can’t let those that have loved me so dearly in life feel punished by my death. When we die a part of everyone that has loved us die as well, and that’s not fair.

There are many parts to Paula, and even though she fights the darkness, from time to time another part of her pushes her to keep going because happiness is there and soon it will engulf me and not the darkness. I will be free and happy and this is what keeps me going.

I appreciate every single one of you that has sent me well wishes, and your strength gives me courage to keep going. I am more than someone with Bipolar, I’m a mother to 2 beautiful sons (22 and 30) I’m a sister to 4 brothers and 1 sister, I’m an Aunt to 15 children, Mother Cat to my gorgeous Sakura and my 2 birds 🙂 I’m a friend to many beautiful and wonderful people. And I’m a girlfriend to an amazingly beautiful  man who has stuck by my side through all this ugliness that took over my body and tried to claim my soul. It’s all of these reasons that I’m fighting so hard to keep on track. And I will succeed for I can’t have these people’s lives ruined because I wasn’t strong enough to fight the battle with in.

I felt as if I should share this side of me. This is a blog about Depression, right? I am making myself be honest about my thoughts and feelings, baring myself to you. No one likes talking about Depression, but it’s real and it’s engulfing and terribly ugly. Breathing is like hyperventilating and you wonder how you’ll get that next breath out. It’s cruel and lonely no matter how many people are on your side you feel alone.

To anyone out there suffering in silence, I embrace you and urge you to tell someone, don’t be alone and fight the battle with no one on your side. Reach out to anyone that you trust and ask for help. You’re not crazy because your suffering with Depression – or any other mental disorder… You have just hit a bump in this things we call life. Don’t isolate yourself for you are a wonderful human being that deserves to be here as much as anyone else. Saying you need help is not a weakness, it shows great courage. Don’t give in, for you are worth the fight. I may not know you but I know your pain and feel your sadness. Tomorrow really is another day, so hold on and reach out for help. You’re beautiful and I know that there must be people around you who would support you and be at your side in a flash if they knew that they could lose you. Be strong, and hold on to whatever makes you happy.

Before I go, I just wanted to tell you all that I miss reading all of your blogs. Please forgive me if I don’t get around to answering or reading all your posts. I will do my best, but like I said it’s not a great time for me so I can only do so much right now. I really wanted to just touch base with you all and let you know where my health is at. I will give it my best shot to check out as many blogs as I can. But I’m not sure how far I’ll get. Much love to you all and I’m so grateful to all of you that have stuck by me during this dark time in my life.

Many hugs to you all, Paula xxxxxx

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Getting Help

Hello my lovely bloggers,

Yep, I’ve been away from my blog way too much lately and was hoping to be back blogging this week.

Well, I am back – but not in a way I thought I would be. I went to see my psychiatrist today and we made the decision to admit me into hospital tomorrow morning (being yesterday, now). It’s not where I want to be but I have to be honest to my readers and to myself. And the truth is I just can’t make it alone right now. I kind of need a breather from life and need to get my head back down to earth and out of the hell it’s taking me into. I adore my sons, family, friends and the blogging community and this is the right course of action for me to be healthy. I’ve said it many times before that Bipolar is a tricky thing to live with, and sometimes there are things inside me that even I don’t understand why I’m feeling a certain way… I just am! There is a lot happening in my personal life and I suppose this doesn’t help the situation. I know life isn’t easy and there will always be good and bad days but this is different, this is the the time when you go “barleese! I can’t do this alone anymore I need help!”.  My doctor will play around with my medications to try and balance life out for me and I’m hopeful this will be just a few days.

Suicide is not the answer or an option so therefore I’m being responsible and getting the help I need. Perth Clinic is a lovely private psychiatric hospital and I’m fortunate that my ex-husband is still covering my health care otherwise the alternative would have been horrific for me. Our public psych hospital is definately not for the faint hearted.

Anyway, I shall be back as soon as life and Paula become one again. I urge anyone suffering in silence to seek professional help. It’s not a sign of weakness it’s a sign of courage to keep fighting the battle of the darkness to once again see and love the light.

To anyone suffering with deep Depression? Know that it is real and it DOES EXIST no matter what anyone tells you!! Seek help, reach out, shout, hell scream if you have to until someone listens to how your feeling. It’s real, it’s painful, it’s crushing, it’s lonely and believe me it’s like living in a hell. But don’t ever let it beat you!! Don’t say you don’t want to wake up tomorrow. Say you need to wake up tomorrow but need someone to stay close by you till tomorrow comes…  you can make it but not alone and not in silence! I urge you to just reach out.

Don’t isolate yourself it’s the worst thing to do. Just hang on until tomorrow and then try again. Trust me the people that truly love you will never give up on you or leave you alone if they know what’s really going on in that mind of yours. DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE.

And most of all?  know that you are loved by more people than you would ever know or realise. Get through today and see what tomorrow brings, it’s not easy but you can do it. Take care of you and know that there are people out here that care for you and haven’t even met you, but they know and understand your pain!

Many hugs to you all, Paula xxxx

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Depression Exists

Depression exists, but why?

I ask myself this question over and over again, everytime I fall into darkness.

Today I fell apart after talking to my stepfather.
One thing lead to another and before I could even catch myself, I had started to fall. It’s kind of like seeing yourself in slow motion but not being able to do anything about it.
Just when I think I’m happy and strong, something always blind-sights me and knocks me down.

Not only is my stepfather in a bad way, but someone I love more than life itself is also deeply hurt and suffering right now.
I can’t say who out of respect for this person, but I have to be strong as he needs me more than ever right now. Holding your own pain inside whilst helping someone else with theirs can be so hard, but this isn’t about me. This is about being strong for someone who loves me deeply and needs me to stay the course, so I have to hide how I’m feeling and sometimes it’s so hard to do. When you love someone the way I love this person, it cuts to the very core of your being when they are drowning in their own sorrow and there’s not a lot you can do. So, what will I do?
I will listen and listen intently and be there night and day for them. If I could cut myself and bleed away their pain? I would, but life isn’t like that. We all have our own paths and journey to take and mine is to love that person and show them that I care and will always be there, no matter what!

I have to take a deep breath and hide my own pain in this situation, but it’s really hard this time!

Why?

Because smiling doesn’t help when your crying on the inside AND outside there’s nothing left to give, you feel broken. Life IS beautiful and I know better than to let my past control me, but sometimes I just can’t control my thoughts; especially when certain situations arise and take me back to them.
Darkness and negativity are strong and at the time the light just isn’t in your reach. You reach for it only to be pulled back down drowning in your own thoughts.

Depression is real but I know that happiness is too, but sometimes it eludes me and I feel alone. I know I’m not but at the time its very cold and lonely, especially when you can’t talk about it. I wear my heart on my sleeve but the deep dark thoughts are just that…Deep!

Loneliness isn’t always about having no one in your life, because I have many that love me and I’m grateful for all their love. Since I was little girl, abused and then raped at 20 I’ve struggled with an internal loneliness. I can be in a group of people smiling and joking but inside I’m distant and wanting to hide from everyone.
It is like wanting to be in a bubble that no one can penetrate or hurt you.

Sakura (my cat) as many of you will already know has stayed close by me and hugged into me. Even now she’s on my lap as I’m typing.
She gives me unconditional love and I would be lost without her, having an animal around you when you get depressed is very soothing and comforting.

Depression isn’t a sign of weakness, I think you’ve just fallen off lifes tracks and need to get back on. Kind of like falling off a horse and having to get back up and ride again, so fear doesn’t take over.

Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real

This is what we have to tell ourselves when our world feels like it’s caving in on us. Look at what is real now and leave your past behind, that’s why it’s the past…it’s gone and that’s where it needs to be in order for us to move forward.

Giving in is easy, fighting’s the hard part! But we are all worth fighting for, right? And I want this person to fight for me and all the people that love and need them as I do!  The thought of losing them kills me and whilst I still breathe …I won’t ever allow this to happen. It just can’t happen.

When you’re Depressed ….Don’t isolate yourself when the depression is strong, you need to keep connected with those that love you. If your down remember they are too. When you can’t eat? They can’t eat. When you don’t sleep? They don’t sleep. When you cry? They cry too!

Be brave and hang in there!

Tomorrow is another day, so close your eyes and let all the pain and sadness that you may be feeling drift away; even if it’s just for a night so you can start again tomorrow. One day at a time, I strongly believe this and live by this principle. You can do it, believe in yourself, stay strong and hang onto that one thing that keeps you connected. You are worth more than you realise to so many people. May the universe, your inner self or your god give you the strength you need to get through this hard time.

Just a side note: Many people come to my blog but don’t comment. Depression isn’t something people like to talk about, but I know you’re there and I hug you and understand your struggles. Stay strong and feel loved and worthy, because you are! Whatever has hurt you and for whatever reason your depressed right now, you will get through it. It wont be easy but remember: ALWAYS  find something that makes you smile, anything!!  the sun, moon, hell even chocolate, I’m serious it’s a great pick me up! your pet, your partner, anything, anything at all!!  When your down I know it’s easier said than done, but if you can? Wow it changes everything. Stay strong and believe in your own self worth. You are beautiful and worth fighting for always remember that!

I’ve been away in Tasmania for the past week and was going to post about it, but this has kind of taken a back seat from what’s just happened. I needed to write this to get it out of my head and to stay strong. I love this person more than life and without them in my life I wouldn’t survive. So I’m venting my hurt to the world.

I’ll post photos soon of Tasmania as I need to stay hopeful and happy.

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

Mental Illness

Mental Illness. Instantly, this phrase can make someone nervous.

Why do you think it’s still like this in the 21st century?

We all know some of the obvious reasons – for example, the way mental illness is portrayed in many Hollywood movies. One Who Flew over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Black Swan, Sucker Punch, Girl, Interrupted; Fight Club… The list goes on.

But isn’t it talked about more often and people are more open than was once the case? I wonder, what makes someone scared? Maybe they think the person with schizophrenia is going to come at them with a knife because they saw it once on the news? Or maybe they will become some kind of poltergeist and their head will start spinning? How far from the truth! I imagine they just want you to treat them like everyone else. Imagine how hard the diagnosis alone is? And then for someone to be segregated as a result of that diagnosis?? Wow, how crushing!!

What about the Depressed person, who you think is always moaning and down. Why not put your arms around them and let them know that you’re there if they need you. Don’t try to avoid them; maybe just listen to what they have to say… Not just wait for them to finish and run away, but really listen! Sometimes that’s all someone needs. They aren’t failures or losers because they’re Depressed. Depression is very real and it’s not in their heads. If they could make it go away, they would! They want to laugh and smile again just like everyone else. They are lost and broken and need someone to help get them back on track. Whether that be by therapy, medication, love and understanding, or all of them…. Whichever the case they will get there with your love and support. You know anyone can be caught in the stronghold of depression at some point in their lives. Your one gesture of love and understanding? It can change their whole day and world! Show them love and kindness. Everyone needs love and understanding, right?

It baffles me that some members of society still judge this way. I suppose there are those that suffer greatly and at times have to be hospitalised and stabilised as a result of their mental illness, but usually this is a result of someone stopping their medication/s, or that they just need their prescriptions adjusted. I suppose when someone witnesses these turns, it frightens them and I can understand that, but again a little bit of love and understanding goes a hell of a long way to helping their recovery.

Lets take the word Normal. Can someone please explain what that means?? Not what the dictionary says, but what in REAL LIFE does this word mean?

What you think is Normal another person doesn’t! So, who is right and who is wrong?

Bipolar Disorder – You know one minute we are flying high and no one can touch us, next we come crashing down and need someone with big hearts and open arms to catch us. Sometimes we don’t see the fall until it’s too late. That’s when the climb back up to the top can be exhausting. We become our biggest enemy. Everyday we have to find something to smile about or we drown. We are just like you, but some days we stumble and need love and understand to get us back up.

OCD-Obsessive Compulsive Disorder this can be so debilitating for so many people. Yet some people make fun of this. But why? Have they had it? Do they even understand the trauma the person goes through on daily basis? They know it’s not NORMAL, but they can’t help it. It’s what makes them feel normal!

Take Anxiety Disorder, it’s crippling and yet anyone can be caught in its grip at some point in their lives. Very successful people can suffer with this. In no way does the label define the person. Breathing is like hyperventilating and you feel that you are going to pass out. Or worse, you shallow breathe and feel like you’re drowning in your own breath. You’re looking for the positives but all you see is negativity. A mole hill becomes a mountain of Everest proportions! You try to get a hold of it and then it just pulls you back down. Again, people just need your understanding and compassion.

Now this is a tricky one: Anorexia/Bulimia The things these people suffer in their daily lives are horrendous. The way they see themselves can make you cry. I’ve had both of these in my life and let me tell you, they are crippling! They/we do not see what you see. Why do magazines glorify us human beings? We aren’t perfect so why are we always looking for perfection in our bodies. We are attracted to all sorts of different body shapes, right? So, why do we think slim and perfect is the answer? Where does this come from? Even to this day as small framed as I am… I dislike my body. Actually that’s an understatement!!  It’s wrong and I know that, but trying to get this one in my head is like extracting a tooth! 🙂 Beauty is but skin deep, so how does this happen?

You know there are so many disorders out there – these are just some that people face daily.

Please don’t be afraid of what you don’t understand. These people are Normal. They just struggle at times and need your love and understanding. Not anyone’s judgement.

To all those out there that suffer with any kind of Mental Illness? I reach out and hug all of you and understand your daily struggles. We are a lot stronger  than people realise. We fight our demons every day and somehow pull through. Maybe your faith gets you through or the love and support of family and friends. Whatever the case may be, we get there. Be proud of who and what you are and what you have achieved. Never compare your achievements to another, as there will always be those greater, as well as those less fortunate. Stay strong and believe in you, for you are a beautiful soul and deserved to be loved and respected like every other human being.

Remember WE ARE  like everyone else and just want to be accepted for who we are. Our diagnosis DOES NOT define us as a person.

We can only hope it helps others understand, that some days we will struggle. And if we fall? Give us a helping hand and we will get back up and try again tomorrow. You know just that little bit of help love and understanding from those around us? We can get there! Maybe not to what you think is normal, but to what’s achievable and realistic to us. Just love us for who we are and we will love you back as you are!

I really do love our blog family/community and to you all, I for one appreciate the love understanding and friendship that you all have shown me and to those in need here on WordPress!

You have no idea how much you make a difference. That one gesture of love and understanding you show, can make that persons day and life a whole lot brighter!

WORDS ARE POWERFUL!!

Love and hugs to the whole community! Let’s not be afraid of what we don’t understand.

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

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Falling in Love

What an interesting subject! One that comes with butterflies in your stomach, feeling of euphoria, and sleepless nights.

Unfortunately, it also can come with heartache and, at times, a whole lot of pain, right? Lol

So – is it best to have loved completely and to have lost a love, than to have never loved at all?

I think it is.

Even with all the heartache and pain that it can sometimes come with! I think if we haven’t loved then we haven’t truly lived as life is full of risks, right?
So why not risk seeing if that person really is the one?

A sad fact is that some people fall into a deep Depression over losing their love, which is terrible. Unfortunately, you just can’t make someone love you.

Sometimes you can love someone for many years, and then one day something changes and you no longer feel the same way. Like I said it can be Depressing, painful, crushing and at times you may even feel there’s nothing worth living for. But the love you lost was still something beautiful that you were lucky to experience, right?   Would you have preferred to have not loved that person and not had those experiences with them if you had a crystal ball and could have seen it wasn’t going to last? Again a hard one. Because at the time you are so Depressed that the answer will always probably be, no, it wasn’t worth it! More than likely because we are too hurt to see anything else. Lets face it… No one wants to lose something they love, agreed? But again, at least you had that love and at that time for whatever the reason? it was the right love for you at that time.

Can love last forever and can we love more than once? I mean really love, not lust! Maybe our first love is our only true love and do we settle for second best from then on in?

Why do we always remember that first love? And now for a lot of us it can go way back to our school days. Remember, the boy you loved that didn’t know you existed! “Ouch” I do!!! Lol

I named my oldest son after my first love/crush on a boy that actually fell for my friend. I remember being devastated when they started dating and she wasn’t really fazed by him either way. Here I was, totally in teenage love and she was like, Meh whatever! Take him or leave him. Noooo you leave him and I’ll take him. 🙂 Guess what? It never happened. LMAO I only hope all these years later he found his true love and lived happily ever after, Not!!! Lol  Okay that’s mean, I take it back. Haha

We learn early that we can’t always get what we want…. Just like the song, right?

You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometimes well you just might find

You get what you need!! 🙂  Hey, ask Mick Jagger he knows. LMAO

People come and go from our lives; they touch our hearts and souls and then sometimes then leave us, for whatever the reason/reasons.  We cry, feel crushed and think there will never be a love like that one. Yet time heals everything and before you know it? Love has touched you again. Your world is once again shining. When you’re in love… You are impenetrable! And this is why when it leaves us, we fall apart! But, sometimes they have to leave us to make way for the one! Yes, that’s right – another one…. But this time this is The One!!

Because love will always feel like, The One!! 🙂

Therefore, I believe we are all in the right place and doing what we are supposed to be doing and no matter how painful and how many people we love and have lost? IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED THAN TO HAVE NOT LOVED AT ALL!

That person has helped mould you to the person you are today. Whether that be good… or bad.

We Love Learn And Grow!!

I’ll never stop loving because I want to know I’m alive! 🙂

Oohh and for reference in case your thinking I’ve fallen in love? Well, I have! It’s with the whole world, My blog family! Lol

So, do you think you can truly be in love more than once in your life? Or have you been one of the lucky ones and held onto that childhood sweetheart?

Love and hugs to you all. May you keep loving forever!

Hugs again, Paula xxxxx

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