No, means no!!

Hello my fellow bloggers,

I had a horrible experience with one of my male clients just before Christmas.

He came to me for a manzilian. Basically it’s the removal of all pubic hair.  Don’t cringe guys, it’s really popular! 🙂

Since I began waxing I’ve done heaps of men and they have all being really respectful. This particular man was everything but that. He was totally inappropriate and disgusting. The way he made me feel about myself and the whole situation was something no one should have to go through. As I was waxing him he kept touching me in places no one should, not without your permission first. This went on for nearly an hour. I tried to plead with him many times and asked him to stop repeatedly. It was like talking to a brick wall and was exhausting mentally.  He unnerved me so much that my hands started to shake and I struggled to get the wax off. This was purely out of stress, nothing else. Like talking to a child, I asked him if his mother ever taught him what no means? He just smirked at me and continued to harass me. I pleaded with him so many times but it was like the lights were on and no one was home. It was terrifying and I never want to feel like that again. Finally I convinced him to go and then I proceeded to put my wax trolley back against the wall. Thing was he was getting changed on the other side of the bed and I had my back to him. That’s when he grabbed me and put me into the corner of my room and kept trying to kiss me and was constantly groping me. I pleaded again for him to stop and please just go. You see he knew I was alone and no one was with me. Without going into too much detail I finally convinced him to leave. I knew walking in front of him was a risk but I didn’t know what else to do, so I just headed to my front door. That’s when he got desperate and pinned me against the bedroom door and began squeezing my breast hard and running his hands all over me whilst kissing me. I pushed him and turned my face away as much as I was able to, but he was a large man and way stronger than me. I felt sick to the stomach and new I was about to start crying. My right hand got loose from his grip and I managed to open the front door. I have a security screen and it was locked and I was so worried he would just slam the door shut, but he didn’t. I own the back block and I have neighbours just in front. At that point his eyes were flicking from one side to another, as if he was trying to work out his next move. Thankfully for me he must have worried about me screaming for help and decided to unlock the door and go. I was shaking profusely and as soon as he was out of my yard? I quickly hit the button to shut my big electric gate.

The details are too long from there to go into. What I can say is the police took a restraining order out against him on my behalf. I took some time off work and had thought of closing my business down. But, after lots of crying I’ve decided I’m not going to let one creep take away everything I’ve worked hard to get. I’m back working and a lot stronger for it. My gut told me something was wrong with him the first time I saw him and wondered if I should see him again. My problem is I’m too trusting and give people the benefit of the doubt too many times, and then I’m left sorry on many of those occasions. NOT AGAIN!! When that sixth sense tells me somethings not right?? I’m going to listen and act accordingly to my intuition. I was raped when I was 20yrs old and this brought back all those horrid memories that I had tried to bury for so long now. I’ve even blogged about the rape when I first started blogging as a way of getting it our of my head. But this shit head brought it all back and I hate him for it! I know that all sounds harsh but I’m sick of protecting the perpetrators in my life. He’s not the victim…I am!

He’s pleaded not guilty in court and has said that I had touched him inappropriately. Hearing this makes me sick that he can do what he did to me and then turn around and say this about me! I’m going to have faith in the law that they will see him for everything he is…And that’s a predator!!

I’ve gone over the scenarios of what I should have done a thousand times over and over again. What you think you would do and say in these circumstances isn’t always what your capable of doing at the time. Stress and fear take over and your left vulnerable. No, means no and stop? means Stop! As I write this I know all too well how lucky I was to not be raped by this man. Yet, he has left me feeling disgusting about myself and has taken a part of me he had no right to take.

This happened on the 20th December and it’s taken me this long to be able to talk about it and not cry. If you have ever uncounted this or much worse than this? know that you did nothing wrong and these people are just pure evil! That’s all they are, nothing more!!

I hug all of you. Paula xxx


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28 responses to “No, means no!!

  1. Al

    I am sorry you had to go through this. I am glad you have decided not to give up your work because of one man. Well, I say “man” but men generally have more respect than this creature did.

    May be an idea to invest in a personal alarm, one that screeches loudly, and tell your neighbours that you have one, asking them to call the police if they hear it.

  2. Hi Alister!

    I agree. I’m going to have cameras put around the place and in the hallways. Most of my male clientele are lovely and very respectful. Your right, he’s only one man and not worth giving up on what I’ve built up. It’s just a shame I didn’t listen to my intuition. Hope all is well with you and kids. Much love to you and them. Hugs Paula xxxx

  3. Kick him in the balls I say!

    • Hey nice to hear from you. 🙂

      You know my mind thought along these lines too. He truly was in control and all logic for me was thrown out the window. Like I said though this won’t happen again as the police have given me tips on how to get rid of a bad client. As much as some people run the police force down, these particular officers have been an amazing support for me. Thanks for your support. Hugs Paula xxxx

      • I’m sure it’s easier said than done. I’m glad you’re ok and that you’re prepared in the future. Hopefully you won’t have anything like that happen again.

  4. I am so sorry for what you went through, Paula. I also agree with lauramacky!!

  5. I am so sorry this happened. You were very brave.

    • Hi Jackie, thanks for your show of support and your other suggestions!

      I certainly didn’t feel brave but after he left and the crying finally stopped, that’s when I realised I had handled it better than I thought. I’m 47 and I’m really following through him being prosecuted as I worry what he would have done to someone much younger, who wasn’t able to talk her way out of it. God know’s what he’s already done to some women that have never being to the police anyway. Hugs Paula xxx

  6. I’d never heard of a Manzilian before. Wow! Really? I think being on your own with a strange man in such a situation is rather dangerous. You definitely need a panic button and I would suggest to have a pepper spray or a taser nearby. You could also refuse to take off the wax if he misbehaves. That would give him something to think about. I’m so glad things didn’t get even worse than they did, Paula. Hugs to you, and I hope you can now put this terrible experience behind you. xx

    • Hey Sylvia, some people call it Boyzilian. It’s equivalent to us girls having the Brazilian!

      I’m alone on most occasions and have never had a problem. My gate is very high and secure but once they are in? I suppose they are in. Tasers and pepper spray are illegal here in Western Australia. In saying that under the circumstances the police told me to get some pepper spray and keep it close by. I have so many creams, oils etc in my room that no one would even notice it there. I did think of that one…good idea!! You know what? All I could think of was I have to be careful or I’ll knock over my wax pot and destroy my carpet!! What the?? How strange the mind can be, even under extreme duress. I’m still a clean freak. Crazy!

      I went out to my property on Boxing day and just forgot about the world for a couple of days and it helped me immensely. It’s so peaceful and quiet out there. Love and hugs to you. Paula xxx

  7. I’m sorry that this has happened to you. It is really awful.
    But I hope you can put this experience behind you quickly.

    • Hi Rabirius, thank you. I appreciate your support.

      I didn’t want to go ahead and prosecute as the whole thing can be quite daunting. Yet, how can he do this to someone and just walk free. What on earth has he done in the past! Have a good weekend. Hugs Paula xxxx

  8. I’m sorry you had to experience this my friend, I am proud of you for talking about it though and raising awareness. I don’t think this should put you off of a career you love, trust your own judgement and put some safety measures in place but don’t let this man win, he is obviously scum his type will get their comeuppance.

    • Hey, great to hear from you. 🙂

      Your right he’s just one bad client out of many others that are lovely to be around. I love my job and meeting all these wonderful people. I really will listen to my gut feeling in the future. As for your last sentence, I really hope he does. If not for my sake but for what he may be capable of doing to someone in the future. God knows what he’s already done to other women anyway. Hope you had a great weekend. Hugs Paula xxx

  9. My mother has told me of many occasion were she was nearly close to being rape. One frightening one, involve going to a graveyard to pay her respect for my great-grandfather when someone stalked her there and corner her, and much like you talk here, began groping her. I was dearly disgusted to hear such a thing, just like I was to read about your particular situation.

    I hope the full force of the law falls under this man, and he never again is capable of doing something like this to anyone.

    • Oh no, that’s terrible! Your poor mother.

      It truly leaves you feeling disgusting and I understand how she must have felt. It’s still yet to go to court and I’m hoping this is a huge wake up call to how he treats women. Thanks for your honesty. Hugs Paula xxxx

      • Well I hope your court day goes well, and that men all over the world learn how to treat women. I’m happily and thrill to say out loud, that none of my female friends can say that ever disrespect them

  10. Placid's Place

    Holy shit girl…. without it sounding glib you are one lucky girl that he didn’t just push you to the ground and do it. but I know you don’t feel lucky. And there is nothing anyone can say that will ease the pain of that experience. What a fucking pervert… as you say – trust your instincts. they won’t lead you wrong. Sending virtual hugs…

    • Placid's Place

      Holy shit girl…. without it sounding glib you are one lucky girl that he didn’t just push you to the ground and do it. but I know you don’t feel lucky. And there is nothing anyone can say that will ease the pain of that experience. What a fucking pervert… as you say – trust your instincts. they won’t lead you wrong. Sending virtual hugs…

  11. Pingback: No, means no!! | musicaefantasia

  12. It’s been so long since this happened now but you are right, I’m extremely lucky. He ended up pleading guilty. He was fined and put on the sex offenders registry. He got 18 months probation. He apparently was a security guard and they took away his licence. I hope he’s learned his lesson and never treats women this poorly again. Sadly though, I think he will. Hugs Paula. Xx

  13. What a terrible client. Some people suck. I am glad you have decided to listen to your gut instincts. It rarely lies.
    Why have you stopped writing since? Is there a new blog on the horizon? I hope you are doing good in life and happy and healthy.

    Ps. Thumbs up for the strength you showed. Stay so.

    • I’m doing really well, thank you. It’s been a really long time since I even looked at my blog. But here I am looking. So who knows maybe I might come back. 🙂

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