Tag Archives: Sexually abused

No, means no!!

Hello my fellow bloggers,

I had a horrible experience with one of my male clients just before Christmas.

He came to me for a manzilian. Basically it’s the removal of all pubic hair. ¬†Don’t cringe guys, it’s really popular! ūüôā

Since I began waxing I’ve done heaps of men and they have all being really respectful. This particular man was everything but that. He was totally inappropriate and disgusting. The way he made me feel about myself and the whole situation was something no one should have to go through. As I was waxing him he kept touching me in places no one should, not without your permission first. This went on for nearly an hour. I tried to plead with him many times and asked him to stop repeatedly. It was like talking to a brick wall and was exhausting mentally. ¬†He unnerved me so much that my hands started to shake and I struggled to get the wax off. This was purely out of stress, nothing else. Like talking to a child, I asked him if his mother ever taught him what no means? He just smirked at me and continued to harass me. I pleaded with him so many times but it was like the lights were on and no one was home. It was terrifying and I never want to feel like that again. Finally I convinced him to go and then I proceeded to put my wax trolley back against the wall. Thing was he was getting changed on the other side of the bed and I had my back to him. That’s when he grabbed me and put me into the corner of my room and kept trying to kiss me and was constantly groping me. I pleaded again for him to stop and please just go. You see he knew I was alone and no one was with me. Without going into too much detail I finally convinced him to leave. I knew walking in front of him was a risk but I didn’t know what else to do, so I just headed to my front door. That’s when he got desperate and pinned me against the bedroom door and began squeezing my breast hard and running his hands all over me whilst kissing me. I pushed him and turned my face away as much as I was able to, but he was a large man and way stronger than me. I felt sick to the stomach and new I was about to start crying. My right hand got loose from his grip and I managed to open the front door. I have a security screen and it was locked and I was so worried he would just slam the door shut, but he didn’t. I own the back block and I have neighbours just in front. At that point his eyes were flicking from one side to another, as if he was trying to work out his next move. Thankfully for me he must have worried about me screaming for help and decided to unlock the door and go. I was shaking profusely and as soon as he was out of my yard? I quickly hit the button to shut my big electric gate.

The details are too long from there to go into. What I can say is the police took a restraining order out against him on my behalf. I took some time off work and had thought of closing my business down. But, after lots of crying I’ve decided I’m not going to let one creep take away everything I’ve worked hard to get. I’m back working and a lot stronger for it. My gut told me something was wrong with him the first time I saw him and wondered if I should see him again. My problem is I’m too trusting and give people the benefit of the doubt too many times, and then I’m left sorry on many of those occasions. NOT AGAIN!! When that sixth sense tells me somethings not right?? I’m going to listen and act accordingly to my intuition. I was raped when I was 20yrs old and this brought back all those horrid memories that I had tried to bury for so long now. I’ve even blogged about the rape when I first started blogging as a way of getting it our of my head. But this shit head brought it all back and I hate him for it! I know that all sounds harsh but I’m sick of protecting the perpetrators in my life. He’s not the victim…I am!

He’s pleaded not guilty in court and has said that I had touched him inappropriately. Hearing this makes me sick that he can do what he did to me and then turn around and say this about me! I’m going to have faith in the law that they will see him for everything he is…And that’s a predator!!

I’ve gone over the scenarios of what I should have done a thousand times over and over again. What you think you would do and say in these circumstances isn’t always what your capable of doing at the time. Stress and fear take over and your left vulnerable. No, means no and stop? means Stop! As I write this I know all too well how lucky I was to not be raped by this man. Yet, he has left me feeling disgusting about myself and has taken a part of me he had no right to take.

This happened on the 20th December and it’s taken me this long to be able to talk about it and not cry. If you have ever uncounted this or much worse than this? know that you did nothing wrong and these people are just pure evil! That’s all they are, nothing more!!

I hug all of you. Paula xxx

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Depression Exists

Hello Everyone,

Hope your all having a great week! 

I thought about whether or not to show you my tattoo, and then I remembered I promised to show all parts of my world this year.

So without further ado, welcome to my tattoo. A huge part of my world. 

tat

A lot of tattoos come with their fair share of stories and mine is no different as it holds great meaning to me. I didn’t just wake up and decide I wanted a tattoo at 43. It was after I had survived my attempted suicide nearly 4 years ago that my son mentioned the idea of me getting one. At first I laughed it off, but after loads of thought it started to make complete sense for me to go ahead with it.

You see that day I woke in hospital 4 years ago, I didn’t want to live, not even a tiny bit! I was incredibly unhappy. The lights were on but no one was home. It was like I had lost my soul and I didn’t know where to find it. Darkness surrounded me and all I felt was deep pain and sorrow. ¬†In fact it took 1 month in hospital and 15 ECT’S ( Shock Treatment) to make me realise that I did want to live, I just needed to learn how!

After every tear a person could possibly shed I knew in my heart of hearts I could never let this happen to me again, or put those that love me through such pain and sadness ever again. Unfortunately being Bipolar only makes this even harder to do. Somehow I had to learn to love me and forgive everyone around me that had hurt me so badly when I was younger. The only way I could think of this,  was to tattoo myself to remind myself that that day in hospital when I said I wanted to live? I had to have something that would always remind me of this.

So the fairy reminds me that I made a wish that day to somehow find the will to live. When I’m low it’s a constant reminder to seek help when I’m sliding. I put my Sakura at the bottom as she’s my child and has pulled me through many many dark nights. I needed her close by me as she fills me with unconditional love and strength. She’s much more than a cat to me.

The fairy’s dress being pink was for my favourite colour.¬† I had them tattoo really bright colours so it was in my face… and boy is it bright, agree?? ūüôā

Whenever I’m low? ¬†this is a constant reminder to get help and to do it quickly.

The tattoo is very large and it’s on my right thigh.

Now I realise I was hospitalised in March last year for some of the same reasons, and you could argue the point that it hasn’t really helped me, right? Not true though. It got me through 3 years without being hospitalised. It was me and my psychiatrist that made the decision to hospitalise me last year. ¬†I was extremely suicidal and very close to not being here. But it was the the tattoo that reminded me to seek help. You see I smile when I’m happy and have learnt to hide behind that smile when I’m sad. I learnt this as a child. So it can be really hard for those who love me, as they see me smiling and at times wonder if I’m really happy or not?

Have you or anyone you know, ever had a tattoo to remind you or them of anything? There are many stories behind tattoos and I would love to hear yours.

Hope I haven’t shocked any new readers seeing this huge tattoo on my thigh.

Many hugs to you all, Paula xxxx

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Depression Exists

Angels

Depression:

Depression is so cruel and can¬†sneak¬†up on you at any point if you don’t keep your mind active.

Depression is lonely and isolating.

Depression is cutting and deep to your soul.

Depression is not a sign of weakness. Your just lost!

Depression is dark and cold.

Depression is something that robs you of all rational thinking!

Depression is not something that defines you as a person.

Depression is curable!

Depression is something that once you come out the other end, you are stronger than before!

Depression is something that many of us may experience at some point in our lives. Death, breakups, your lost, money problems, jobless, homelessness, rape, abuse, mental illness etc etc¬†We are more than just someone suffering with Depression. We are mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, sisters, brothers, friends, co-workers etc. and this is just a part of us that has come undone. You will get better! It may take time, therapy and medication, but you will prevail! At the time it never feels like it and there¬†are just days you want it all to end and I understand that. But never give up on yourself. You are strong brave and courageous, if you weren’t you would never have made it this far in life. Life throws all kinds of things at us every day… It’s like we are constantly being tested. Fight the urge to give in and if you can’t find the strength for yourself, find it in your heart to get better for those that love you. And there are plenty that love you! Even as you are now, if you’re a¬†mess they are mess and always remember that. You haven’t failed. You’ve done the best job you can so far. Who knows whats around the corner? Try stay positive and focused. Something amazing could be waiting for you. It’s just not the right time now. Where there is¬†darkness there is always light, believe in that and your halfway there! I hope your world is shining and try to not let life get you too down. You are¬†beautiful just the way you are – and never forget that! Some things in life are just hard to understand but at the end of the day, we are all playing our part…. No matter how big or small that part is! You are worthy and you have not failed!!! You are just being tested! So pass the test. It’s not an easy one and there are no easy answers. Deep down there is no right and wrong you just need to find that inner peace again.

Love¬† light and hugs¬†to you all….Hugs Paula xxxxx

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Fear and Ann

split_personality__by_ak3rs-d2zi9o1

They say FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.

So how does it feel so real at the time?

You can fear things like snakes, spiders, flying, clowns, driving, drowning, heights, etc etc…

To me, they kind of seem justified. But why do we fear the unknown???? Why can’t we look at something and go “Hey! That looks really different and exciting- I think I’ll go check it out! ¬†Who cares if I fail – at least I gave it my best shot!”.

Ohhhh to be like that I would give my right arm. OR MAYBE NOT!!! ¬†Lol ¬†This is especially¬†prevalent¬†when I’m on a high. No, not drugs, but hypomania, which comes with being Bipolar. Hypomania can get you into trouble. But, at the same time, it doesn’t limit your thinking! You want to try and do everything even if you fail! You have a million ideas running through your mind.

Now, I don’t often talk about it, but I have another¬†personality…. Who I call Ann! (don’t be scared now!) Lol

No, I don’t have¬†schizophrenia. ¬†But if you want to know where it all started you can go back in time to my discussion about Ann. It’s not a nice post, but it explains how Ann emerged.

I kind of look at her as an ultra ego type of personality that I created in order to get through my life at the time. But she never left me.

Now when we talk about fear, Paula has all the “What If’s” and “Hang on lets think about this?”. Basically, she’s cautious and very responsible.

When you talk about fear to Ann, she feels strong and will do anything to break through the restraints. She could move mountains if it were possible and won’t let fear¬†intimidate her. I think it all comes back to that Fight Flight Thing I just talked about in the last post. ¬†It’s really hard to explain, but I believe the two personalities compliment each other. During the day, I would not wear any make-up. The moment night came and I was going out, Ann emerged. The change was incredible. I knew it was always me; just a much wilder, harder to control me!¬†¬†I haven’t meet a person that hasn’t liked Ann. She will draw you into her world and hold you there. Ann became my protector when I felt I had been abandoned by those I trusted.

No matter what, the moment I have one drink… I’m Ann. Paula can go out saying she’ll only stay a while, then Ann takes over and she’s the last to leave. My doctor agrees that the two personalities work. In a way that is totally dissimilar to Jekyll and Hyde!! Lol

Luckily the two are friendly only one is a great deal more open to anything and everything and Ann is very assertive. ¬†Ann got me into heaps of trouble and took me down paths I should never have gone. My husband loves Ann – Paula pales in comparison! Sometimes now it’s hard for me to say which one I prefer.Why? because I’m both and one without the other wouldn’t be me!

When my mum was pregnant with me they told her at about 3¬†months¬†that she had lost her baby. I will spare you the details. So she went back to life as usual. 8 or so weeks later she went back to the doctor as she felt something moving inside. Yip, that was me!! The only way they could explain it was she was more than likely carrying twins and lost one. I was only 5 pounds as I was born 6 weeks premature. Hence the name Paula …. Meaning small!

God forbid… Imagine if there was another me!

Where am I going with this?

Internally I’ve always felt alone yet I’ve never been alone. It’s the strangest feeling in the world. My whole family know that I blame Ann for everything. When I was late, drinking too much, doing whatever I felt like…I Blamed her.

It’s strange to have a second personality that your family like and accept. If I cry and feel lost about my life, Ann comes and finds things to make me laugh. It’s very childish I know, but it’s always worked.When the chips are down she’s the one that pulls me up and makes me start again. Ann walks into a room and demands the attention. She can work the room with great gusto. She loves to meet new people and can mix with anyone. ¬†Paula isn’t as confident, and will¬†survey a room looking for the exit!

If you were to spend time with me you may or may not pick up on the two personalities, but for sure you will wonder where all my¬†enthusiasm comes from. If I see someone down, Paula will want to embrace you and know your life story. Ann doesn’t want to know anything, she will just make you laugh and encourage you to push through! I suppose people that know me on wordpress see this side a lot! I will always encourage people, especially when you’re down. I can’t help it. It’s part of who I am.

Being like this is why I think my husband says I’m embracing with one arm and holding people at bay with the other. Ann won’t let anyone hurt Paula!

What both personalities do have though is a huge amount of love to give everyone. My type of love may not be the falling-in-love romance type. But free, unconditional love, without prejudice.

Hopefully I haven’t scared or pushed any of you away. Again, it’s not¬†schizophrenia. It’s someone my mind created to protect me when I was young. And decided to keep around.

So, am I alone out there or do you or anyone you know have another personality?

Hugs to you all

x Paula and Ann!!!

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Depression Exists (Part 3)

97_Crying Tears_Silva

Depression Exists!

Do you remember my Depression Exists post that mentioned Jon Rappoport’s view and how he felt that depression and mental illness did not exist? I don’t blame some of you for feeling angry and annoyed at his comments. I was deeply offended by them!

Depression and mental illnesses can be so¬†debilitating, then to read an article like that… Well, let us just say that it can stir old and new emotions. But his post got me thinking about the day I planned to kill myself. *sorry* Stop reading if you’re not up to it!!

I had been thinking about suicide for a really long time. But, for argument’s sake, let’s just say I had ¬†been surfing the net and come across his article at that pivotal moment in my life. I would have felt even worse thinking that nothing was wrong with me and that it was all in my head! I was already struggling with so many “What’s wrong with me? Why am I crying none stop in my head?” issues.

There was no light, only complete darkness. Smiling was easy; I’ve done it most of my life. But if you looked ¬†into my eyes? I suppose nobody does that! But if they had, they would have seen the¬†confusion and pain I was in. My mind was lost to some evil darkness that wanted to take me away. The pain I was going to cause my family was the only thing that stopped me.

Each day I woke and as the days went by I would think “Not today, because my son needs me for this, and then Not today, because he needs me for that?”. ¬†Then the day came when darkness has taken you far away from reality. It’s won! Today WILL be the day! Waking up in the hospital is the biggest pain to bear. Having your family see you in that condition is horrendous. They cry and just want to hold you. You cry in shame and¬†despair!….
Two years later this still brings tears to my eyes.

This man has NO idea what it’s like to suffer a deep depression! ¬†It’s almost worse knowing the significant experiences that contributed to your mental state – abuse and rape are so debilitating to mental balance.

How can he say there’s no evidence to prove this! My God, when someone’s raping you and taking all your dignity away… How can you be left whole after such an experience? Depression ensues… And not the fictitious kind!

I became pregnant and as a result had the pregnancy terminated. You have no idea what that does to your mind and soul. Did I still have no right to be depressed?

Sexual abuse as a child became part of my life. I prayed to God to help me. ¬†I don’t think I have forgiven him for never coming to my aid. Depression is REAL. ¬†It cripples you, especially when life has been so cruel and hurtful. Depression Does Exist and don’t let anyone tell you it doesn’t!

I used to hunt the internet for anything and everything that was out there concerning Depression. I wanted an answer, any answer! I just needed to know that everything was going to be okay and others out there had been where I was right now and had survived! ¬†The day I gave up, I asked God if he was real and listening. ¬†I asked him to forgive me for what I was about to do to my family. I’ve said it before and Ivonne even put the words in a song called “I was bleeding tears”.

Suicidal thoughts did not just appear. ¬†Deep depression had been mounting for months… And then years. When you make the decision there’s almost an eerie calmness that engulfs you; you feel relieved and¬†saddened at the same time. You look around and see things differently. You see more detail in everything. At night I would lay in my bed look at the ceiling and tears would just stream down. My husband lay there sleeping, unaware of what I was going through. Suffering in silence is painful and SO wrong! It’s hard to face our demons but if we don’t, we lose and they win!

Because of this I’m really mindful these days what I post. Being Bipolar 2 and having Depression isn’t an excuse or reason for me to not try and enjoy my life as much as you or anyone else. Depression is like being in a really turbulent relationship. One day you’re flying high, next you have to walk on eggshells trying not to provoke a negative reaction from yourself.

I’ve decided that Depression has controlled me for too long now and that I want to take back control of my own life. I’ve come to realise that nothing will ever take away the pain and sadness that I sometimes have to deal with, but I can say that I refuse to be a victim any longer. Those that harmed me have won if I let another day go by living in the past! Physical and mental pain is so hard to let go of, but how can we move forward if we don’t. I want to live and put my past to rest!

Having Bipolar 2 I am also aware that I will have days where I am on this roller coaster ride of emotions that I have to learn to embrace. It’s me, I’m like you… But different. When I love? I love deeply. When I feel pain? I am crippled. When I laugh? I feel ecstatic. When I cry? You don’t see it! When I’m lost? It’s a dark and cold place. At times I’ll let you in, and at times I’ll shut you out.

I want to save the world, but I can’t. I want us all to be equal, but life say’s No! I want there to be no racism, but life says No! I don’t want a child to go to bed hungry, but all I can do is donate.. So yes, children will still go to bed hungry. Life isn’t fair, but I can only control my own destiny. I don’t care whether someones black or white. We are all one, aren’t we?

So, does depression Exist? Yes, it does! But we have to learn to let go of our pain and know that so many people love us and we just have to reach out for help. Don’t let depression win, fight as you would to keep someone you loved! Because at the end of the day, that someone is you! And you are worth loving!

If I could tell me Back Then what I have learnt since, it would be along the lines of …

Dear Me Just Over Two Years Ago:
If you’re reading this, firstly – I know you won’t respond. But you will be reading. Now listen up.
It’s a really fine line that you are walking between life and death. Please believe in yourself, don’t give up. However horrible the pain is,you can pull through. You have made it this far! You’re a lot stronger than you think.
Nothing will ever take away the sadness, hurt or pain that you are feeling, but through time or therapy you can slowly start the healing process. You’re beautiful and special in every way. ¬†Don’t be or feel alone. Reach out! Call a crisis hotline and just cry into the phone! ¬†They will support and guide you in the right direction, and that kind of support is invaluable.
I realise you’re feeling physically and mentally drained and that it really does feel like you simply can’t take anymore. But you’re wrong! Don’t leave those that love you. You really will hurt them deeply and scar them for life.
If I could jump through the screen right now, I would. ¬†I would just hold you and let you know that everything will be alright.¬†Please don’t give up. Fight. Believe in your God if that helps. Talk to him. Talk to someone. Reach out.

Let’s try to let go of the pain and start a new beginning in 2013.

Paula xxxx

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MUM

If you read my recent post on ANN, you could have been left with the thought that my mum is, excuse the French, a bitch!

After everything that happened that day, my relationship with my mum went from bad to worse. I would scream hate at her, call her a bitch and basically cried most days.

However, years ago I forgave my mum and I now absolutely love and adore her. If anything happened to her  I would be devastated. As I got older I realised she only did what she thought was right.

You can’t change the past! But you can make sure none of these things ever happen to you again, and you learn by yours and their mistakes.

The following things are what happened next……..

Eventually my mum couldn’t take it and I went to live with my dad. Which was difficult as he had a girlfriend, and didn’t really want me to be there. In saying that, he still was incredibly supportive of me and managed to get me out of school. After my breakdown there just wasn’t the same girl left behind. Trying to concentrate on learning was impossible. All I would do is cry! My dad absolutely hated the man that abused me, and that’s why he wanted me away from my mum in those days.

Leaving school at 14 was my saving grace! Working at Woolworths didn’t involve using ¬†my brain, so it was the perfect place to be. Slowly I became happier and happier. I absolutely loved working, it was better than being at school. Like all teenage girls, my money went on buying clothes:)

My clothes became a way to express myself. I would buy 2 pairs of white shoes, and paint 1 blue,1 pink,1 purple,1 yellow. Then I would wear 1 yellow feather earring and 1 blue bird earring etc etc etc. My clothes became more and more¬†colorful. Cindy Lauper was my idol – remember, it was the 80’s:)

After a few months I was reinvented  to this happy-go-lucky girl. God I was happy! Then I went to live with an aunty of mine (not biological), as my dad went away to work. She was so kind to me and I loved her very much. (She died 2 years ago.) Then my mum came to see me at work and told me she was going to make me come home to live with her.

No way did I want to do that! so I left my job:( which upset me heaps at the time. The only way I could think to not be made to go back with mum was to go up North and live with her sister.

Which I did. But not knowing what my future was about to become, I thought again how lucky I was and how happy I was to be there.

Working in a chinese restaurant was great fun. The sun was shining everyday. It was like heaven! I had a boyfriend who I couldn’t wait to see everyday, and everyone treated me like an adult and I loved it.

But, the peace didn’t last. My boss pestered ¬†me to ¬†sleep with him or he would fire me. Being young and so happy I really didn’t want to lose my job, so foolishly I relented and slept with him. He said it would only be once, but of course that wasn’t true. I felt sick every time, but that’s how much of a screwed up kid I was. Like I said, I just wanted to keep my job. Now I would kick him in the balls and tell him to stick his job, and would tell his wife. That’s now. I was only 15 then.

So I had gone from incredibly happy, to someone who had to lie to cover myself all the time.

Then the worst abuse ever happened, and went on for 5 years. It’s one I can’t talk about, even after all these years.

That’s when I learned to hide my true feelings and smile all the time, no matter what life threw at me. If not, I would have died a long time ago!

Music is the key to my soul.

This song is in honour of my aunty.

ANGEL         By Sarah McLachlan

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Rape

This is a really delicate and extremely difficult subject to talk about, even after all these years. So I’ve decided to talk about it early in my blog so I don’t have to address it again.

It’s important for me to talk about this. It influences the way I am today and is what¬†led me to who I am.

The things I had been through for someone 20 years old was enough for anyone that age to deal with, and now this was just the straw that broke the camels back.

The first thing I would like to say is that I never reported my rape to authorities. One of the reasons was that I was used to being treated as a sex object, and had lived with secrets for years. I was told from a very young age that if I told anyone what had been done to me, no one would believe me and I would get into trouble for lying.

The following is what happened the next few days after the rape.

I tried to pretend it never happened. But it did, and I couldn’t just get on with things, like I had in the past. I cried and cried each night till I fell asleep. No matter how many times I showered I still felt dirty.

My fiancé was away working at the time, as we had 6 weeks to go until our wedding day, and he was trying to get as much money together to pay for the wedding. Every day that went by got more and more difficult for me to handle. I wanted to tell my fiancé so badly, but I was terrified he would blame me or leave me.

One day I decided to tell one of my cousins, as I was staying the night at her house when it happened. She told me that this particular person had been known to like blonde, blue-eyed¬†girls, and that I was not the first person she had heard of to apparently have this done to them. He would just boast about them all wanting and willing to have sex with him. So none of the girls did anything about it. Even though I said I was staying at my cousin’s house that night, it wasn’t where he raped me.

We had all been drinking at his hotel that night. When it closed we went back to my cousin’s and continued drinking with a group of people. Someone said we had run out of alcohol, so this person said he would go back to his hotel and get some more. Another cousin of mine said she would go and¬†that’s when he kept on for me to go and that it wouldn’t take us very long. So not knowing what I was in for, or knowing him until that night, I left with them. I was with my cousin and had no reason to think anything about it other than going to get more alcohol. The amount I had drunk that night I shouldn’t have been going with anyone to get more alcohol. But unfortunately in those days I never knew when to stop. Alcohol became my friend, the more I drank the less pain I would feel.

For my own sanity I can’t really write down everything that¬† happened in that next 2 hours. That’s right, we were gone that long that I didn’t even realise until we came back and everyone was in bed. To this day I believe wholeheartedly that the drink we had when we first arrived back at his hotel was spiked, but I will never know for sure. My head was spinning and everything was a bit of a blur, no idea how long after but before I could even react He was on top of me. The music was really loud as he had put it on when we first got to the hotel, so my cousin couldn’t hear me calling out. She was also quite heavily intoxicated and later I found out she was dancing on the dance floor to the music he had put on. He asked me if I was screaming because I liked it or was he too big for me.

That month I missed my period. I knew my fianc√© was away so I couldn’t be pregnant to him. Oh god no please don’t let me pregnant to this man. But I was, I wanted to tear my stomach open and rip the baby out. I couldn’t get an abortion quick enough. That in itself was hard to deal with. The guilt I felt was horrific.

The trauma was too much to bear that in the end I told my fianc√©. He lost it and wanted to go kill this person. I pleaded with him to let it go and that I wasn’t going to prosecute as I blamed myself for being so drunk and going back with him. (My marriage only lasted 1 year, not because of my husband but because I could never find peace within myself.)

Those words he said to me as he was raping me never left my head. I blamed myself for years, I know I should never have gone back with him. But you can’t take things back. I made a bad choice and one I have to live with.

But after many years, and some therapy, I am no longer prepared to be a victim. He wouldn’t even remember who I was or care what he did to me. He more than likely doesn’t have any sleepless nights and he has probably told himself that I, and all the girls my cousin mentioned,¬†wanted him.

I have decided that he¬†cannot be allowed to¬†take my power away. I have forgiven myself and want anyone that has read this and has been through this themselves to know that I feel your pain, your sadness, your anger. But, no matter what the circumstances, rape is rape. You didn’t ask for it. Life will get better and you will find something that will make you happy again. It’s true the saying, you can forgive but never forget.

THE CRYING WILL STOP AND THE PAIN WILL LESSEN, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF FOR YOU ARE STRONG.

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