What darkness means to me!
So do I hide this side of me? Or do I let you in?
I’ve decided to let you in!
To me, it’s a place to hide from myself when I can’t or don’t want to face reality. Rather than face my demons head-on I retreat into the emptiness of my brain. At times it feels safe in there; other days it’s scary and I can’t find my way out.
Crying doesn’t help because I’m not crying out loud. Screaming doesn’t help because I’m not one to scream! I’m crouching in a corner of my mind – crying, sobbing cradling my body… Where is everyone, can’t you see me?… Can’t you hear me?…My hand is reaching, out but no one is taking it.
A lifeless black hole that feels no pain and has no feeling.
Your heart’s broken your mind no longer your own. What about your soul! What soul? Is there a god?… If so, why does he sit back and do nothing? You need to breath, but every time you come up for air something reaches up and pulls you back down. Leave me be! Just let me breathe for a second, I can’t swallow, I’m drowning!
Where’s all the beauty gone. This can’t be happening. I’m better than this! Why do you rob me of love and happiness, haven’t you taken enough from me?
This is MY DARKNESS, one I don’t want to drag anyone into. I’m keeping my mind focused so this darkness doesn’t one day take me away…
Don’t let this post bring you down! As I said, it’s a dark place, but this is what I, along with many others that suffer with a mental illness, go through.
I wrote this when I was down but didn’t publish it. I decided to share it now just to give you insight as to what happens when Depression hits someone with Bipolar. (manic-depressive)
One minute I’m flying high.. Next I crash and don’t even always know why!!!
If you are feeling like this, know it will pass and tomorrow WILL be a better day. Force yourself out of bed… (you must do this or the bed will win along with Depression). Go for a walk and look at all the beauty that surrounds you. If it’s sunny? Close your eyes and feel the warmth of the sun on your face and feel how it energises you. Go and hug your pet. Go walk on the beach and feel the sand between your toes and listen to the waves gently crashing. Write a list of all the things that are pulling you down. No one will see them unless you show them but this will help get it our of your head. Throw it out to the universe and let it go… You don’t need it! Lastly, I embrace you and surround you with love. Be strong!
To those that follow me, please don’t worry because I’m totally in a good place right now. *hugs to all of you*
I’m in good spirits and really am ok!!!
Remember, I’m just letting you in! I wrote this back in December 2012. Right now my mind and body are healthy.
I write this for those that live in silence as I once did. This is what no one see’s beneath the smile.
Hugs to you all…..xxx
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