Monthly Archives: July 2013

Do We Say Sorry And Mean It??

im-sorry

Do we  say sorry and mean it?

Have you ever being sorry for something and wished you could take that moment back? You more than likely have as it’s human nature to make mistakes… Or poor choices!

But we can’t get that moment back because it’s already in the past. Like that, see, it’s gone, we are now in the future, whoops it’s gone again and again.. Bugger, missed it again! Okay you get my point. lol

We say sorry but sometimes sorry isn’t enough for some people to let it go. I suppose your forgiveness is measured by what kind of pain or disappointment you caused the person or persons.

I thought of this one a lot lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that sorry is but a word. (Feeling regret, compassion, sympathy, pity etc) But are we sorry to them or just sorry for our own self pity, regret etc?  Do we really mean it when we say sorry or are we doing it with our fingers crossed behind our backs?

Actions speak louder than words so therefore when our actions are poor choices judgement etc, you can’t blame someone for not trusting in your being sorry. So how do you regain trust? Do you spend hours trying to justify yourself or do you let it go and move forward?

I’ve decided that moving forward is the best thing. When your fingers aren’t behind your back and you are genuinely sorry, what more can you do or say to make that person believe that you mean it. Actually I don’t think you can… Trust is something earned and once you lose that trust it’s very hard to get it back. You may know you mean it, but the other persons hurt is just too deep.

You have to let it go as it only pulls you down and makes you feel bad; almost like grieving in some kind of strange way. The past is but the past and the future is here and now. Learning from our mistake is whats important and taking responsibility for it. So move forward and have no regrets, as guilt is a wasted emotion!

Have you ever said or done something and wished you could take it back??

Hugs and love to you all……Paula xxx

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Heeeeeellllooooo World!!

Hello Everyone!!

Wow. It feels like I’ve been away from blogging for months! Lol… I think it’s been about 3 weeks. 🙂

Well, I have moved out of our house and am now living alone with Sakura (cat) and my birds, B.J & Pippa.

It feels really strange as the last time I ever lived alone was when I was 15 years old. My husband rings every day to check on me which I think is really nice. We have parted as friends and for this I’m really grateful.

The house looks like I’ve lived here for years. See, some good comes out of having OCD! LMAO 🙂 I couldn’t rest until everything went back into place. Poor Sakura was beside herself as she missed her old home. Anyone with animals would understand how hard it is for our pets to adjust to the new environment.  Anyway, she is getting much happier and starting to find new hiding spots! Lol

My internet won’t be up for about 1 or 2 weeks… Fingers crossed it gets done earlier. Then again, I am talking about Telstra (phone company in Oz) – with them, anything is possible!  🙂

So, blogging off my phone and boy does the word correction thingy do my head in! Lol

I love this song! Missed all your blogs!!

Hugs to you all. Paula xxxxx

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Saying goodbye to my Llamas.

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Hello Everyone,

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend! 

Mine was filled with a mixture of emotions. My brother-in-law found a home for my babies (my llamas) to move to. I spent Saturday with them because first thing Sunday morning they had to be loaded into the float for their trip to their new home. Margie was a mess and hates to be handled and she kicked up a fuss, so much so that Teco boy just strolled out of the stables nudged into me and cried out about what was happening to her. I hugged him and told him she was okay and kept cuddling him. This beautiful animal just stood by me and watched the fuss being made of her getting into the float. My boy just stayed there, leaning into me, wanting to know what was  happening. My heart sank so deep and I wanted to cry. Here I was hugging my boy for the last time and he didn’t know it was going to be the last time. He just loved and trusted me so much and just walked into the float as if he was going for a drive.

I knew separating from my husband was going to come with a whole lot of heartache, but I hadn’t prepared myself for the realities of it. Our home, Our farm, My babies! All gone. It hurts a lot deeper than I show anyone. The me inside is a mess trying to smile and act as if I have it all together, but I don’t!

I stayed in their new paddock for almost an hour. I didn’t want to go but I knew it wasn’t fair on them or the people I had given them to. Teco boy looked around with all the enthusiasm of a small child checking something out for the first time. He looked at me jumped in the air and was swinging his head with excitement. I felt like a proud mum watching her child being strong and brave on the first day at school. I smiled , looked at him and thought how lucky I have been to be loved by this beautiful animal. But, my Margie cried out continually and looked lost and scared. I tried really hard to reassure her, but I couldn’t. She wanted to go back home to her paddock. Oh god, it was so painful, you have no idea.

Today I will call and see how there first night went. I will visit a couple more times and then its best to leave them be. I hate this, but it’s the right thing to do by their new family and Margie and Teco boy.  They have to learn to adapt and if I keep coming they will want to come home with me. They were like children to me and I will miss them like crazy!

I had a 1 1/2 hour drive back to the city. Did I cry? Absolutely. I was happy for the new farm and people, but I felt like I had abandoned my children and it hurt badly.

So, I had my music blaring and tried to focus on the joy and happiness Margie and Teco brought me.   

Anyway, enough, before this grown woman sheds a tear again.

The photos are some I took at the farm on the weekend.

Hugs to you all….Paula xxx

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Filed under Fight Depression, My experiences

Happy Weekend!

Happy weekend, Everyone!!

Have an awesome weekend. This is one of my favourite songs!

Let’s get down and dance together. You know you have to groove in that seat, right??

LOL Click those fingers and move those hips. You know you want to! 

Hugs to you all….Paula xxx

P.S Sorry to my Little Cyber Brother in Pakistan who can’t see this! 

Happy Weekend, Nafees! x

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Filed under What makes me happy

faith

Hi Everyone!

This is also too beautiful to not share!

Have a great night everyone. I’m off to the casino…Wish me luck!! Lol

Hugs to you all… Paula xxxx

poojycat

seeds of love
in my hands
~
I rest my mind
on the cushion
woven by faith
surrounded with happiness
from inside out
~
so easier
everything looks now

guardian-angel-cuddling-baby

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Egypt

Hi Everyone.

I had to reblog this as all women worldwide deserve to be treated as
equal! Hugs Paula xxxx

poet4justicedotwordpressdotcom

action-feature-egyptwomen

Dear Ela,

Thank you for taking action. If we can get more people to take action, we have an even better chance of achieving the change we want to see. Can you spare two minutes to forward this action to your friends and families, and share this on your social networks?

Share on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=http://www.amnesty.org.au/action/action/32200/

Share on Twitter:
http://twitter.com/home?status=http://www.amnesty.org.au/action/action/32200/

Share via Email:
http://www.amnesty.org.au/action/action/32200/

Thanks again for your support.

In hope,

Amnesty International Australia

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Depression Exists

sad angel 1

Depression Exists:

Tonight, I write this for others that are suffering with Depression right now.
Especially our teenagers!

Growing up as a “normal” child wasn’t easy for me. Those who have been sexually abused will understand exactly what I’m talking about. You lay in bed and cry and wonder if anyone cares or even sees you. You pray to God to help you die and take you away from the hell you’re living in.  But that doesn’t happen – you wake and the same thing happens again and again. You stop believing or caring about God. If he was really listening this would all go away, but it doesn’t! So you no longer believe in anything, or feel safe anywhere.

You can’t think or act normally (whatever that is, anyway). Nothing in your life is like the typical girl or boy next door just hanging out with your friends and family.

You’re broken and feel different, weird, lost, confused, sad, angry and every other negative emotion your body can think of. To those around, you you are annoying and difficult and cause problems to the rest of the family. Yet no one knows your pain or can hear you crying out loud in your mind, screaming for it all to stop.  Who will understand? Who will believe me? Who will care?
Well, plenty of people care. And that’s what I want to say to you.

Don’t lay there in silence crying inside, or walk around feeling like some kind of freak, or think  you’re different and no one gets you. Maybe they do think you’re different and a little odd, but they can’t hear you and know that you are in pain unless you reach out for help.

So many people care… More than we realise! Okay, trust.. Right?? I know this is the hard part. Those that you should have been safe with and trusted are the very people hurting you.

I thought asking for help was a weakness and therapy was never going to happen. How could I tell someone the horrors that live in my head, and about the pain I had endured in silence for years. Where would I even start. Would my family still love me?

They did, of course. They felt my sadness as if it was their own. They rallied behind me like knights in shining armour! We came away from the side of the family that hurt me and the healing began. Therapy does and will help, I promise you that!  But the first step is being able to ask for it. Life as a teenager can be tough enough without any form of abuse whether that be mental or physical abuse. They are as bad as each other, never think differently!!

You deserve to be loved and feel loved, never ever forget this. You are beautiful, strong and courageous and don’t let anyone make you feel less. Broken things can be fixed. And when they are fixed with professional care… They once again look beautiful and complete. Life is strange and sometimes hard to understand, but one day this will all be gone along with those that have hurt you!

YOU  WILL  FIND LOVE AND HAPPINESS AGAIN.

We forgive… But never forget. Why?? Because it’s our souls way of protecting us from never allowing this to happen to us again.

Go to a friend a teacher, anyone you feel you can trust. Don’t suffer in silence!! Someone in life is waiting for you to grow up and to love you unconditionally. Don’t let them down, they need you as much as you need them. I believe in soul mates. I think there is one out there for you.

Remember you are beautiful. Whatever you are suffering, let someone in and learn to dance and smile again!

I hug you and want you to know you are not alone!  Live for all the beauty that is waiting for you!

Learn to trust again!!!

Hugs to you all…Paula xxxx

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Filed under Fight Depression, My experiences