Eating Alone…

Okay, this whole single life thing isn’t that bad…  But there are a number of things to get used to. One of the big adjustments? The whole eating alone ordeal! Lol

Shopping for one person is a whole new experience for me. Yikes! I go to the supermarket and want to throw all this cool stuff in my trolley and then realise… Who’s going to eat it? Lol

I eat a high protein low carb diet. But days like today, my body craved the carbs and so I made a bowl of penne and just threw olive oil and salt on it. I know that sounds terribly bland but I kind of listen to what my body wants, and that’s what it asked for!

So, to avoid the whole over-spending on items I’m not going to eat, I have decided to do the majority of my shopping at the food markets. This way I’m only buying healthy food and not tempted by all the rubbish foods in the big supermarkets.

BTW: I love rubbish food but my hips don’t seem to agree! 🙂

Being 45 it’s not like when I was younger and can just throw whatever junk food down my mouth and still be thin. I actually have to work at staying slim. So not fair, this aging thing! 🙂

I still believe we can eat everything, as long as it’s in moderation.

Problem is, if you open up a bag of chips? Who’s going to stop at just a few?  Not I said the lady in the back row! Lol Or was it me who is typing this? Okay, it’s me! 🙂

The other bonus about not doing all the shopping in the big supermarkets is I will save a heap of money. You see I’m the person they pay millions of dollars to get into the psyches of our brains and make us think we need that sticky tape at the end of the checkout… Ohhhh and lets not forget the blu tack, egg rings, tongs, and any other junk thing they cleverly place within my line of vision!

I’m onto you Marketing companies. You’re attacking this Bipolar woman who  thinks she needs to buy everything! Or  just maybe it’s my weakened mind. Lol

One last thing. I’ve always like eating at the dining room table. Well, my table seats 8 people and when just 1 person sits there? You feel like a loner! Lol

Sakura sits in the chair opposite me and just waits till I’m finished and then she hops down. Actually the music keeps me company! Lol  So, I thought I might start eating in front of the T.V. It feels better, yet wrong at the same time!

The table can be just be used when I have guests for dinner. 🙂

So, any shopping tips or quick healthy recipes anyone wants to share? Remember cooking for 1. And in no shape or form am I a gourmet cook!
I’m an apprentice! LMAO 

Love and hugs to you all. Paula xxx

A Thought ….

Evening everyone!
🙂
Before heading off to watch Game Of Thrones, I so had to reblog these. They inspired me and hopefully inspire you too. Hugs to Alastair for this post. Nite from Oz, everyone!!
Hugs to you all. Paula xxxx

A Mixed Bag

Monday … for some … is the start of a new week. Here in the UK it is also Late Summer Bank Holiday. I thought I would give a little thought and inspiration for those that need it. I did not write these, I found them. I take no credit for these at all. Some come from books written by J.K. Rowling or George R.R. Martin. Others come from GoodReads Quote of the Day and some come from Facebook where I pilfered them from people’s pages, so it is those people that deserve the thanks for writing them.

 

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My Own Bed

My Sleepover Bed

 

I’ve always had this thing where I’ve had to go back home to my own bed. I could be an hour away from home, but still I insist on returning to my own bed.

My husband didn’t really drink, so he was always the nominated driver. For me, being the drinker, this worked out well! 🙂

Now I’m single I’m really noticing how obsessed I am about having to sleep in my own bed. No no not already off in some stranger’s bed doing strange things with him. Or am I? LMAO

Meaning I go out to dinner, or out with friends. Everyone asks me to stay so I can have a few drinks and not lose my licence. Australia is huge on catching drunk drivers – and so they should be! But here the limit is 0.5 which can be 1, 2 or 3 drinks depending on what you’ve eaten, whether you normally drink alcohol etc. I’m small framed and a drinker, so I would say I’m the 2 drinks girl.

Recently, my mum suggested I sleep over. My brain went into panic mode – that “no no no… That’s not possible… retreat retreat!!!” Lol

But she convinced me to stay, so there I was. And it wasn’t that bad… Apart from the fact that I drafted this post at 4.30am!  Haha did I mention I’m a bad sleeper?!

Since then, I have been asked to sleep over at my brother’s place, and then a girlfriends… And of course said, no thank you!

But I am thinking about changing. Maybe I should have my going-away-from-home-stay-over-night-bag at the ready on occasion.  🙂 This way, I can relax and have a few drinks and look forward to the adventures of sleeping in foreign beds… Ooor maybe not sleeping! Lol

Now am I the only one that feels like this… Or are there others like me? Do you have to sleep in your own bed… No matter what??

Hugs to you all and Happy Sleeping!! 🙂

Paula xxxx

3 years ago on this day.

It was 3 years ago today that I attempted suicide.

I didn’t write about it last year as it still felt very real to me. Now 3 years on, and a lot of heartache and therapy, I can now let it go. Peace and forgiveness are now in my heart and I no longer need to be scared of this day.

It’s my nephews birthday today and it was this day that I felt was the last day to say goodbye to my whole family. The day felt long as I didn’t want to leave any of them as I knew in my mind what I was about to do. Inside my heart was broken and the bleeding of tears on the inside where too much for me to bare. I smiled laughed and joked with all of them. When I left I hugged them all and didn’t want to let them go. Part of me wanted to cry out beg them, plead for them to help me as I could slowly feel myself dying on the inside. But, I couldn’t do it.

The family the universe gave me are the best anyone could ask for. But, I lacked the courage to tell them I needed help and I didn’t think I could be saved anyway. So, when I closed my eyes that night and felt the tears streaming down my face, I thought of how much I loved my family and the pain I was about to put  my 2 adult sons through. My beautiful boys. “What have I done?” is all I could think of before I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

I opened my eyes on the 24th August saw a drip in my arm and thought I saw an angel. It was, it was my sister and she was crying. I told her I saw an angel and someone died. She cried and said, “you nearly died, why didn’t you talk to me because I love you and would have been so lost without you. You are my best friend and I love you so much”. She held my hand and we just cried. I spent one month in a psychiatric hospital, had 15 ECT’s to the brain. Slowly, through therapy, I decided I wanted to live. I just had to learn how to live without pain. They taught me to love me and learn to forgive those that had hurt me. I can’t help but have tears as I write this, but I need to let it out and say goodbye to this day. I no longer want it to have power over me as I want to live and I want others that feel like I did, to know that tomorrow really is another day.

Close your eyes and try to find peace within yourself and try again tomorrow. Never give up on you. Ask for help, plead, cry out… Whatever you have to do! But DON’T suffer in silence, because no one can hear your pain. Open your heart and let them in. If you die? So does a part of everyone that ever loved you.

So, tomorrow when I wake I will be in my bed and feel happy about where I am in my life right now. Peace is something we all have to find within ourselves and I think I’m almost there. We all need to keep moving forward and try not to look back.

My family hasn’t celebrated my nephews birthday since. I want this to change and hopefully we all celebrate it next year and every year thereafter.

I’m sorry if this post is a little draining, but I’ve said it and now its done and over.

So I say goodbye to this day, and I look forward to this day next year. Tomorrow really is another day… an even more beautiful one than today.

I love this song and it’s so appropriate right now

Have a great weekend, everyone!!

Love and hugs to you all. Paula xxxx

* this post was intended to post last night but there was a technical glitch.

A Call For Support

Hi Everyone!

I’m reblogging this for Graham in support of people suffering a Mental Illness. They are trying to reduce the stigma attached to mental illness.
Real people, Real faces. Hugs and goodnight from Oz. Paula xxx

The Bipolar Place

I’ve been pretty busy lately with one thing or another, but something I really wanted to get a post out about is Faces of Mental Illness.

I’ve been working with Laura SQ from Mrs Bipolarity & Laura P. Schulman from  Bipolar For Life, on creating the real faces of mental illness. Initially it was in reaction to Brian Williams’ stigmatising negative comments on mental illness. He stated of Ariel Castro, who held three Cleveland women captive for a decade was the face of mental illness. So, here we have an NBC Anchorman claiming this repugnant man is the face for people who suffer from all manner of mental illnesses. Such comments from a public figure can only do harm to any organisations out there trying to educate people & reduce the stigma around mental health.

As mentioned, this was originally what prompted the two Laura’s & I to start…

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Something Wonderful

Evening Everyone!!

I’m about to go out and saw this post and had to share it first.
I hope something Wonderful happens to all of you!
🙂 Thanks NHan! x
Love and hugs to you all. Paula xxx

Caring For Our Beliefs

Afternoon Everyone!
🙂
I had to share this as it’s so true! Have a great night.
Thanks Paul, great post!
Hugs to you all. Paula xxxx

GYA today

Enjoy!

“We should care for our beliefs like beautiful old clocks. To keep them running smoothly and correctly we should disassemble them every now and then, clean them up, replace some parts, and put them back together.”  —Paul Mark Sutherland

photo credit: unknown

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Depression Exists

This post is in support of the people I follow – and also the people that follow me – who are suffering deeply with Depression right now:

For those out there that are struggling to cope with their Depression. You know who you are, and of course I would never mention any of you. But I want you to know that although you feel alone and people on WordPress aren’t in the physical world with you, they are there in spirit.
Keep reaching out, keep writing; write about everything. Especially, write about the ugliness that you are feeling. It needs to get out of your head and thrown into the universe. If we hold it all in something has to give, and it has the potential to lead to a breakdown.
I wish some of you could seek therapy. You would see just how free your mind and life can be. Someone to listen to you that’s not there to judge you… Just help you in any way they can to make you well again. However I understand how the prospect of therapy can be daunting/too difficult so I won’t push the point.

Depression isn’t pretty. It’s ugly, lonely, dark and cold. You don’t have to write that the world is beautiful. Let those that have more strength than you right now shine their light down onto you. Don’t push them away, reach out and take their hand. Even if it’s just for a short while. We all have to come up for air, then lay back down and try again tomorrow!

Reading some of your posts lately has taken all the strength and energy in me to not break down crying myself. Actually some of them I couldn’t help but shed a tear. It seems that there are so many of you struggling right now that I feel I have to write something in support for you all. I write now for you, and also for me – it helps to write, to get it out of my head.

I’ve been where you are now and I know what strength it takes to pull through. But you can do it. Believe in yourself. You are beautiful.

Baby steps. One day at a time. Suicidal thoughts and believing that you are ugly and useless are crippling. Don’t judge you by the way you say you look, judge by based on the beautiful soul that you are inside. I’ve said before there are some beautiful looking people in this world that are very ugly on the inside. Right now, the outside is just what’s protecting the beautiful you inside. Let go of all that hurt and the outside will soon start to sort itself out. Love it again and see what happens. I care very much about you and many others here on WordPress do to! Don’t let the Depression win. You are all worth fighting for, so fight back with great strength and courage.  Don’t let people put you down, even when they are family.  No one in this world is worthless, we all have a place and reason for being here. What that reason is… I don’t know. It’s up to all of us to learn that one ourselves.

I know it’s easier said than done… I really do! But I also know it can be done, because I did it.
I was lost in oblivion and never thought I would find my way back, but I did. And I really believe that you can too.
Find a reason. Just one reason. Find the reason that makes you get up every morning, and slowly the rest will fall into place.

There is no magical pill or cure. It’s about finding strength within ourselves and the belief that we are not failures, we  have just veered off our tracks. We can suffer Depression for all sorts of different reasons, but at the end of the day, we feel the same. We just want to be able to breath again without feeling like we’re drowning. Sometimes the tiredness outdoes the strength and willpower to get through. But you will find it, believe in you!! Remember, time heals everything.

Depression is REAL it’s not in your head. Fight it and never give up on YOU!

You deserve to be happy and to be loved just like every other human being out there. Don’t let anybody tell you any different!!

If I could teleport myself to each and everyone of you as I read your cries for help? I would. But that’s not possible, so all I can say, is I hear you and feel you. Stay connected with people in any way you feel you can. Don’t hide yourself away, you will only feel worse in the long run. I wish I had an answer for you all, but I don’t. All I can do is send you love.

Take care of you.

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxx

image source

WARNING!!!! If you take photos with your cell phone

Afternoon from Oz, everyone!

Boy is this scary. If you use your phone to upload your pictures on the ne? You so need to listen to this!!!

Hugs Paula xx

I have the ‘net!! (Yay!)

Hello my lovely blog family!

I’m so happy – my internet connection was set up today! 

Woohoo! It only took a month. Lol  That’s Telstra for you!

I love this song. 🙂

Love hugs and good wishes to you all.

Paula xxxx