Tag Archives: Goals

Keep Believing!

Afternoon from Oz, fellow bloggers! ūüôā

This does not just apply to athletes…It’s to all of us and all the goals we ever wish to achieve!

We need to believe in ourselves and our own self worth, not what others think we can achieve. Keep believing in you and never give up!

May your day be filled with greatness!

Hugs Paula xxx

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Don’t give up!

Hello fellow bloggers,

Lets keep climbing to the top…wherever that may lead!

The sky is the limit. So good luck to all of us.

Hugs to you all. Paula xxx

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What a Year!

angel year

Hey, how’s life treating you all??

Wow, I’ve kind of neglected my blog lately and have been feeling really bad about that, SORRY!!! ūüôā

I’ve had good days and bad days, rainbow days and every other kind of day you can think of. Some days I felt that if I wrote I would pull the world down with me, and other days I would have lifted you as high as the sky. I guess the benefits and downfalls of being Bipolar, right?? ¬† ¬†Lol

Can you believe another year has almost past us by again. Sometimes life just flows and you float along with it; other days, they pass so quickly you nearly miss them. This year has been an enormous rollercoaster ride of emotions for me. Depression – eat your heart out!! Lol You thought you could beat me but I beat you this time. If I was going to fall apart like I did a few years ago? Then this was the year it should have happened.

I separated from my husband, which was one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make. I left my home and farm and my beloved llamas (Teco and Margie). My son and his wife separated. I went to Melbourne for a funeral. My step dad is fighting cancer and someone dear to me wanted to commit suicide and it all tore me apart. I’ve been on the Queen Mary around New Zealand, and spent 5 weeks in the U.K. I’ve been to Victoria and Tasmania and seen nature at it’s best in Oz. I’ve cried and sat down on my kitchen floor and wondered how I would make it to the next day. I’ve asked the universe to give me strength and to help me get to the next day, without wanting to give in. ¬†And I’ve pleaded with myself to have courage to fight the darkness that at times overwhelms me. So, this is the year I should have fallen apart… But I didn’t!

How did I make it? Well, I met someone that gave me the strength to believe in me and loved me for me, all of me the good and the bad. Who knows what will become of it but I believe everything happens for a reason and I needed this person to get me where I am right now and for that I am truly grateful. People come and go from our lives and touch us in many ways.  Sometimes they are hurtful ways, and sometimes they are so beautiful and you wonder how you lived without them. But I think the most important thing is to learn something from all of them. Life is full of experiences, good and bad. We have to breath in the good and exhale the bad until it controls us no more. I feel optimistic about the future and am looking forward to 2014.

I went to the beach recently and looked at the ocean and thought how calm and peaceful it looked. Yet I know there are days that nature thrashes against the shore and you get blown away. But the next day it’s all peaceful and beautiful again. I think this is what life is like. There will always be good and bad days and people who want to drag you down with them. But we need to stay grounded amidst the storms and not let other people’s disharmony pull us down. Those that don’t support you don’t deserve you in their lives.

Stand tall and proud and embrace your joy with those whom love and support you! Release the others with love and let them be on there way as they serve you no good.

So, as I sit here at my desk and write this, I thank the universe for giving me two sons that I adore. They are one of the main reasons I have for waking every single day. They have grown in to such beautiful young men and I feel that they make my world worthwhile. I see how they love their girlfriends and how happy they make them. As a mother, this makes my heart sing! To see your children in pain is crushing, but when they are smiling laughing and telling jokes? Ahhh it’s so precious and you can’t help but smile and be in awe of them.

I saw a man recently begging for money. He said he had no power, food etc. I stopped and talked to him and gave him some money. I don’t care if he was not telling the truth. Why? because no one does that if they are happy and living an okay life. Only people that feel as if it’s there only option turn to begging. If that’s their only source of income then I believe I should help in any way I can. I’m not saying everyone else should, I’m just saying that’s how I feel about it.

So to me this is a good year – yes things have been hard, but I’m not on the streets having to beg and wonder where my next meal is coming from. ¬†At this time of year, people in less fortunate positions deserve so much compassion. ¬†Those alone that have nothing, No family friends or anyone to turn to for comfort.

So Paula hugs you all, and I hope that you too have found a peace in yourself and can let the past be the past, and start to look forward to a much brighter and happier 2014!

You, the blogging family/community, have helped me get through this year in more ways than one. You have allowed me to express my feelings and throw them into cyberspace where I have had nothing but full support throughout the year. You are all truly amazingly beautiful people and I adore each one of you. After blogging for sometime now you start to get little images of what you think your regular followers look like etc. So Yes, i’m talking to you and you and you and you! Yes You!! Lol ¬†I can’t help but laugh as Sakura just looked at me as if I’m crazy! ūüôā

I have images of all of you and they are all good images of great people I admire and respect, and I enjoy getting to know you all through your blogs and mine. You truly are like a little extended family to me. From all races and walks of life we all come together as one, and this is the magic of our WordPress family! I am more open here with you than I am to those around me in the real world. I say thank goodness for WordPress and it’s co- founders. ūüôā

What have I learnt this year? Well, we can’t ever change the past but we can seek out the future happiness we all so desire and deserve.

I thank every single one of you that have come to my site and touched my heart with your kindness. You have picked me up, when even I didn’t know how I would get there. You are all incredibly beautiful people who have been generous with your love and support and I hug all of you for it! ūüôā

Next year I plan to share a lot more of my life through photos, video posts and basically let you into all the mundane things life has to offer along with all the great things. Hell, I’ll even tell you what coffee I drink, as long as you tell me what your is?? Lol

Love to you all, Paula xxxxx

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My Own Bed

my sleepover bed

My Sleepover Bed

 

I’ve always had this thing where I’ve had to go back home to my own bed. I could be an hour away from home, but still I insist on returning to my own bed.

My husband didn’t really drink, so he was always the nominated driver. For me, being the drinker, this worked out well! ūüôā

Now I’m single I’m really noticing how obsessed I am about having to sleep in my own bed. No no not already off in some stranger’s bed doing strange things with him. Or am I? LMAO

Meaning I go out to dinner, or out with friends. Everyone asks me to stay so I can have a few drinks and not lose my licence. Australia is huge on catching drunk drivers – and so they should be! But here the limit is 0.5 which can be 1, 2 or 3 drinks depending on what you’ve eaten, whether you normally drink alcohol etc. I’m small framed and a drinker, so I would say I’m the 2 drinks girl.

Recently, my mum suggested I sleep over. My brain went into panic mode – that “no no no… That’s not possible… retreat retreat!!!” Lol

But she convinced me to stay, so there I was. And it wasn’t that bad… Apart from the fact that I drafted this post at 4.30am! ¬†Haha did I mention I’m a bad sleeper?!

Since then, I have been asked to sleep over at my brother’s place, and then a girlfriends… And of course said, no thank you!

But I am thinking about changing. Maybe I should have my going-away-from-home-stay-over-night-bag at the ready on occasion. ¬†ūüôā¬†This way, I can relax and have a few drinks and look forward to the adventures of sleeping in foreign beds… Ooor maybe not sleeping! Lol

Now am I the only one that feels like this… Or are there others like me? Do you have to sleep in your own bed… No matter what??

Hugs to you all and Happy Sleeping!! ūüôā

Paula xxxx

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Children/Grandchildren part 2

kids-paint-hands-art

My sons are now 21 and 28, and my grandchildren are 3 and 7.

What have I learnt as a parent?

You can’t fix world hunger by telling your children that kids in other parts of the world are starving. It’s hard for your¬†children¬†to get a grasp of how big the world is and how lucky they are to be born into a first world society.

The world is not going to fall apart because your kids aren’t like others and don’t go to bed when told. Why did I compare myself to others?

They aren’t going to get hugely sick because they don’t eat all veggies. And it’s not going to shape what they eat for the rest of their lives. Why? Because as they get older they work this one out themselves. You can shove it down all you like, but that doesn’t mean they will continue to eat it as an adult!

Don’t give yourself a heart-attack if they don’t do there homework¬†. They will learn and pay for their own mistakes. ¬†If school doesn’t come together smoothly, there are always bridging courses. If you instill them with the¬†motivation¬†to want to achieve, there are all sorts of ways for them to get there.

The list goes on and on.

Overall, what you need to do is love them, protect them and teach them right from wrong. Will they get it straight away? Maybe… Maybe not! But you give them these things, that’s the best we can do. The rest is up to them.

Just like us – you live grow and learn. Learning by our mistakes is all a part of the bigger picture. I adore my sons like every parent adores their children.

Do what you think is right, not what anyone else perceives to be right. This is so¬†important¬† They are your children and as long as you’re not harming then, it really has nothing to do with anyone! Of course people will judge – and at times say things to you – but it’s your ship and it is up to you how you sail it. Let them sail theirs. Never compare your parenting skills to others. Each child is different! You will only fret unnecessarily. They all grow up and learn from their own mistakes.

Children will work out what they want in the end. Or at least we hope they do! We just have to stay sane in the process!! Lol Be proud of yourself and your own abilities to get it right. Because at the end of the day, who is right?

Before I go, I must share this recent experience – my grandson asked me to draw with him.
Me: Oh no, what – a stick figure?
Him: No, a Mac truck with trailers.
Me: Really?! Ummm okay!
Well, when I showed him my drawing, I told him nana is no good at drawing. He looked at it and told me I’m a REALLY REALLY good drawer. My heart melted!!
My grandsons rush to hug me when I go to the property and follow me everywhere telling me how much they missed me! Ahhh so beautiful and innocent! This is why being a grandparent is so priceless. I’m not going to yell at them to get inside and pack up their toys, or hurry and get in the shower. I’m just going to help them pack up and turn the shower on!! ūüôā They seem to make everything in life worthwhile. I really like the feeling that children, and then grandchildren, can give your life purpose.

On a sadder note, my son and wife have called it a day and are getting divorced. I feel really sad about this, but at the end of the day their lives are their lives. The most important thing for me now is to let my grandkids know I will always be there for them no matter what. Who would have thought a mother and son would be separating from their partners at the same time.  Very strange and very sad.

So, are you an adoring grandparent or still at the parenting pulling your hair out stage? ūüôā

Hugs

Paula

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Life is Good

Peacock-Cupcake-2

Life has been really strange lately. There are so many things happening in my personal life.

I think I’m being thrown all kinds of things just to see what I have learned in life and how well I have learned to cope!

Oddly enough, I think I’ll pass this test with flying colours. Why, you ask? Because with everything I’m going through right now, a year ago I would have just wanted it to all end. In any way that meant! Now I don’t feel like that. I feel Love, hope and inspiration! ¬†Partly due to all you lovely people out there. Yes you and you and you!! Lol ¬†All of you that have commented on my posts or yours, have influenced my life in one way or another. We all have real lives real friends and family, but blogging is full of such a diverse range of people. It opens your mind up to all sorts of things you may never have once thought of or even bothered to look at.

Bloggers are like family… A cyber one!

I mentioned in a previous video message I did some time back about being in a room full of people and feeling lonely. Well, blogging never feels like this; there is always somebody out there and you never feel alone. The room doesn’t feel empty… It feels full!

Anytime you open your computer you are subject to beautiful things – ¬†poems,¬†stories, craft, cooking, therapy/motivation, information on travel destinations, mothers telling stories of raising children, photography¬†(and more photography), philosophy/popular culture/literature, inspirational letters… So much love and hope out there! Help for people suffering a mental illness, people sharing their lives and letting us in, movie reviews, Etc Etc.. ¬†But the most important thing? ¬†People just coming together and sharing thoughts and ideas in a non judgmental way. As a rule… ¬†Bloggers support one another and aren’t there to pull anyone down.

The day I chose life is the day I started to live. This is all I need to remember!

Today feels really good! ¬†ūüôā¬†

Hugs to you all and thank you!

Paula xxxx 

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Filed under Fight Depression, My experiences, What makes me happy

Depression Exists

Angels

Depression:

Depression is so cruel and can¬†sneak¬†up on you at any point if you don’t keep your mind active.

Depression is lonely and isolating.

Depression is cutting and deep to your soul.

Depression is not a sign of weakness. Your just lost!

Depression is dark and cold.

Depression is something that robs you of all rational thinking!

Depression is not something that defines you as a person.

Depression is curable!

Depression is something that once you come out the other end, you are stronger than before!

Depression is something that many of us may experience at some point in our lives. Death, breakups, your lost, money problems, jobless, homelessness, rape, abuse, mental illness etc etc¬†We are more than just someone suffering with Depression. We are mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, sisters, brothers, friends, co-workers etc. and this is just a part of us that has come undone. You will get better! It may take time, therapy and medication, but you will prevail! At the time it never feels like it and there¬†are just days you want it all to end and I understand that. But never give up on yourself. You are strong brave and courageous, if you weren’t you would never have made it this far in life. Life throws all kinds of things at us every day… It’s like we are constantly being tested. Fight the urge to give in and if you can’t find the strength for yourself, find it in your heart to get better for those that love you. And there are plenty that love you! Even as you are now, if you’re a¬†mess they are mess and always remember that. You haven’t failed. You’ve done the best job you can so far. Who knows whats around the corner? Try stay positive and focused. Something amazing could be waiting for you. It’s just not the right time now. Where there is¬†darkness there is always light, believe in that and your halfway there! I hope your world is shining and try to not let life get you too down. You are¬†beautiful just the way you are – and never forget that! Some things in life are just hard to understand but at the end of the day, we are all playing our part…. No matter how big or small that part is! You are worthy and you have not failed!!! You are just being tested! So pass the test. It’s not an easy one and there are no easy answers. Deep down there is no right and wrong you just need to find that inner peace again.

Love¬† light and hugs¬†to you all….Hugs Paula xxxxx

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Depression Exists

cupcakes

Depression Exists:

As you all know lately I’ve been all over the place. However, Depression hasn’t won this time and I intend for it to never win again! ¬†It’s just me I personally have been all over the place. But now I’m ¬†starting to focus and get my act together once more.

Once you¬†realise¬†that you can’t control everything, life seems to get easier. I thought I had to control¬†everything, but then life did a turn and I no longer had to. Meaning I got married and was in a¬†position¬†that I no longer had to work! My youngest was 5 then and my oldest was 14. The 14 year old had been used to me working all his life, but they both loved me being a stay at home mum.

At first this was a huge novelty to me and I had no idea how to occupy myself. I learnt piano when I was young and so thought what the hell, I’ll learn again. I had a spiritual piano teacher and she taught me how to relax and ground myself. I learnt classical and felt really confident with her by my side. I loved the music but really struggled to read it. So, I played a lot by ear.

Then one day, I hurt my hand learning to ¬†play ¬†Moonlight Sonate. It should have taken a break but I insisted on getting it right using the wrong fingering over and over ¬†and ended up with¬†tendinitis. I took a break but in the process lost my¬†confidence. I had been with her for 3 years but all of a sudden I couldn’t hear the music. No one understood; I had played it and loved it. There I was, confidence¬†shattered. I told myself I could no longer play. Just like that, I closed the lid and have barely opened it since.

My son talked me into it a couple of times and recently I mucked around with my 11 month old niece on it. She couldn’t judge me. Actually I’m my worst critic and, at times, my worst enemy. I thought of going back to it. My husband suggested I learn the guitar. He has more faith in me than I do and misses hearing me play. Confidence can be a real prick. Sorry! But it’s true. You lose it and tell yourself you can no longer do something and¬†suddenly…¬†Guess what? You can’t! So, the piano just looks at me and I feel like a failure.

When I knew my confidence had taken a dive, I needed something to make me feel worthy. Yes, we all need to feel this. and being home is great, but we need to keep ourselves active members of society. I ended up throwing huge Christmas parties at a function centre. ¬†It was the party of the year to come to. It was so much fun and every year I had a different theme with all props matching. I bought gifts for Santa to give all the children. There was Fat Cat, Fairies, D.J.’s, and a number of other entertainers. Boy was it fun. The food was the biggest thing to¬†organise, and of course the alcohol. My brother-in-law is a lawyer so he took¬†responsibility¬†for the bar!! Lol I told myself I would stop when my son graduated year 12 (he was 17 years old). I did stop then; it had become quite expensive.

During this period there was no time for depression – I was too busy! Lol

I renovated a number of homes. Not pulling walls down and doing brick work, but being the project manager. All renovations need one as everything needs to flow, just like music! Lol ¬†I was great at keeping tradies happy… No, not in an ilicit sort of way… But that would have probably made for a better story!
Tradies hate it when other tradesman are in their working space, and rightfully so. I became a great cleaner and negotiator. ¬†I did 7 homes in 14 years and whilst it was fun, it’s also very tiring and stressful! Yet you look at the end result and go, I want to do it again! lol

To do nothing only brings about depression as you have too much time to analyse Рand over analyse Рeverything and anything. You make mountains out of molehills and everything becomes bigger than Ben-Hur!!

Keeping yourself occupied is one f the best things you can do for your mind.

Then last year I decided I wanted to volunteer for an organisation. I responded to an advertisement looking for someone to help at an old peoples home. Right, I can do that…. Well so I thought! ¬†When I started I thought “how on earth am I going to remember all these peoples names and areas they belong in!”. But like everything, in time you learn and it becomes second nature. I stayed for 8 months and in that time I met some beautiful people and heard some really great old stories. But it’s not really the place for anyone with any sort of Depression. Why? On one hand it’s incredibly rewarding… and then the other it’s the most depressing¬†place ever!!

The families that love and respect their elderly are easy to see, their loved one has photos, pretty blankets, ornaments, t.v’s, some even have their own laptops. They are happy cheery people and can’t wait for their families to turn up. The ones abandoned there have nothing but their beds and worn out old clothes. It’s heartbreaking to see and these people are generally quite sad and lost. I spent time in the dementia ward and this was not for the fainthearted. I loved being there yet there were times it was a little scary and you had to take a break. It’s so hard watching the families losing all hope as their parents slowly forget who they are. Dementia is a cruel disease and robs everyone of all dignity in the end.

At the same time I was¬†volunteering¬†I was in the midst of renovating my last home. We had 2 really big storms come through. It caused major flooding to the house and I needed to spend more time getting things sorted out there. Plus I had tradies crossing each other and they weren’t happy. So, I made the¬†decision¬†to leave the old peoples home. They asked if I would come back when the house sold, but I didn’t. I really thought about it and didn’t think it’s the place to be for me personally. I loved these people and unfortunately I’m the type of personality that if you have a problem, then it’s mine too! Crazy I know but I’ve always been like that. I always¬†feel like I can fix the world. When they were sad I was sad… And when they were singing and clapping their hands? So was I.

The house finally got finished and I had free time, which I loved actually. Then we had things we wanted to do at our rural property and so I spent time meeting the council and organising paperwork. We had some great wins and were given approval to install some additional forms of housing. My nephew turned a complete heap of rubbish donga/transportable into a beautifully equipped little home. We still have 2 more to do, but at least all major plumbing and electrical work is nearly completed.

So now it’s time to go and play… Jobs are all done and I’m off on a holiday. Well, two holidays actually! I shall write about them before I leave!

So for me, reading, exercising and eating, keeping myself healthy is a part of the bigger picture we call life… They are what are keeping me sane. People think it’s great to not have to work and to some degree, I agree. But overall for our own self esteem we need to stay connected to the world and not lose our own self worth. Because this is what nearly¬†happened¬†to me. I frustrate myself because I can do more than I realise or give myself credit for. Being negative is easy… It’s staying positive that’s the challenge!

What do you do to stay sane?

Hugs to you all….Paula xxx

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Filed under Fight Depression, My experiences

Depression Exists

unfinished-business

Depression Exists:

Depression exists as a result of all sorts of things. One of them being, so to speak, “unfinished business”.

When we hold on to things and find it hard to really explain how were feeling, it’s easy to get lost in that dark world. Sometimes you don’t have the words; or even know if there are any… But deep down you’re hurt and lost. You know you need to come up for air but then something pulls you back down again.

I think we have a¬†treasure¬†chest, only not filled with gold… It’s filled with all the things we hold in our minds and heart. Some good things and some unfinished/unresolved/hurtful things.

Sometimes I wonder if we really know what we want in life. Are our expectations too high? Unrealistic? I have found that by slowly emptying this chest my mind becomes more free, and with less  baggage to deal with  life starts getting better and better.

Depression plays with our minds and creeps up on us when we aren’t being true to ourselves. You can’t lie to your mind and say¬†everything’s¬†okay when it’s not. Your mind knows this is false and will continually keep questioning you until you deal with whatever you’ve tried to bury away. I used to be brilliant at burying things away, but now ¬†my mind goes ahha Paula … NO WAY!!! You need to fix this!

My husband once told me that I never really let anyone in… ¬†Like, really¬†in. He says I hug with one arm whilst the other keeps everyone at a distance. Maybe he’s right? I suppose that we all have this barrier we put up when we don’t know – or can’t face – certain things in our life. Once you have been hurt a few thousand times (okay slight¬†exaggeration!! lol) It’s our way of protecting ourselves from having to go through that again.

I think it’s just part of that whole fight or flight thing. We don’t want to be hurt or have our hearts broken. In the end we are forced to face whatever the issue/s are that are holding us back. Usually we want to run from it, make excuses for it.. Basically do whatever it takes to not have to deal with it!

In the end we only get hurt deeper and pull those we love into that place with us. We need to stop and recognise this. Why should they have to go where we don’t want to be ourselves? Depression is not just about a dark place. It’s cold and lonely and you’re left feeling numb.

But who want s to be alone?? I don’t! And nor should you!

I force myself to see good even when it may not really be there. Love is strong and can pull you out of anything. It can let people in and¬†dispel¬†loneliness. Don’t push them away! Maybe this way they can learn to understand you and comfort you in times of need.

I can tell the everyone in the world that I love them. But do I truly understand what it’s like to love deeply? I think I’m learning and that’s all we can do. Keep learning and growing as a person.

So, do I love you all???? Yes!! In my own non gay/freaky/stalker kind of way! 

Huge hugs and love to all of you.  Stay healthy and open to love!

Paula    xxxx

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Filed under Fight Depression, What irks me

Things I Love

120011 i am free to love what i loveThings I love:

I love to¬†close¬†my eyes and feeling the¬†sun’s warmth on my face.

I love my family, for without them I would be lost.

I love listening to the birds chirping early in the morning.

I love that I live in a democracy, and am free to believe what I choose, without fear of imprisonment.

I love going to our property and seeing our animals for they give me a peace like no other.

I love cupcakes because – strangely – they make me feel calm.

I love that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

I love clowns as they make me feel happy.

I love hearing the sound of laughter.

I love spring and the new beginning it brings.

I love  music. These are just some of my favourite artists: The Doors (loved Jimmy), Fleetwood Mac, QUEEN (Incredible vocalist), The Eagles,Dire Straits, Michael Jackson; ( Leave behind the controversy that always followed him, and remember the amazing artist that he was), Joan Armatrading , Rolling Stones, U2, AC/DC, INXS ( Taken way too young!) Carole King, Phil Collins, Led Zeplin, Pink Floyd, Rickie Lee-Jones, Sarah McLachlan,Beethoven and Mozart.

I love a great book that you can’t put down.

I love money. It doesn’t buy happiness,¬†but it gives you freedom, and¬†for that I’m¬†grateful.

I love shopping. Retail therapy can be fun.

I love and appreciate our blogging community/family.

I love all people from all walks of life and all cultures. From every country and every continent. We are all one!

There¬†are¬†so¬†many things that we love in life. When you feel like your¬†whole world is falling apart, you just have to stop and remember them. If you can’t? Then¬†find someone who will help you remember.:)

What do you love?

xxxxx

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Filed under What makes me happy