Tag Archives: Family

Music and my eulogy

Hi Everyone,

I’ve never really shared my brothers blog. Actually not completely true. If you scroll through my blog and see who I follow? It’s there. So, I suppose you could say I’ve never said it was my brothers blog!!

Yet, here I am re posting it. His mind never ceases to amaze me and his blog is way more thought provoking than mine!! 🙂

He made me think of how important music is to my world too. Music can heal many things and has a way of bringing us all together, in one way or another.

If you get the time? check his blog and thoughts out. You will either love them or hate them. What his blog will always do, is make you think! Hence his blog title: Still thinking

Hope you all had a great New Year. Hugs Paula xxxx

 

Music and my eulogy. What thoughts does the me that i am think when confronted with my own mortality? Where has music linked to my life, and my death?

Source: Music and my eulogy

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Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas

 

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Have a wonderful Christmas Everyone!! 

Sending Aussie hugs around the world and a lot of warm weather. xxxx

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Depression Exists

Hello Everyone,

Hope your all having a great week! 

I thought about whether or not to show you my tattoo, and then I remembered I promised to show all parts of my world this year.

So without further ado, welcome to my tattoo. A huge part of my world. 

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A lot of tattoos come with their fair share of stories and mine is no different as it holds great meaning to me. I didn’t just wake up and decide I wanted a tattoo at 43. It was after I had survived my attempted suicide nearly 4 years ago that my son mentioned the idea of me getting one. At first I laughed it off, but after loads of thought it started to make complete sense for me to go ahead with it.

You see that day I woke in hospital 4 years ago, I didn’t want to live, not even a tiny bit! I was incredibly unhappy. The lights were on but no one was home. It was like I had lost my soul and I didn’t know where to find it. Darkness surrounded me and all I felt was deep pain and sorrow.  In fact it took 1 month in hospital and 15 ECT’S ( Shock Treatment) to make me realise that I did want to live, I just needed to learn how!

After every tear a person could possibly shed I knew in my heart of hearts I could never let this happen to me again, or put those that love me through such pain and sadness ever again. Unfortunately being Bipolar only makes this even harder to do. Somehow I had to learn to love me and forgive everyone around me that had hurt me so badly when I was younger. The only way I could think of this,  was to tattoo myself to remind myself that that day in hospital when I said I wanted to live? I had to have something that would always remind me of this.

So the fairy reminds me that I made a wish that day to somehow find the will to live. When I’m low it’s a constant reminder to seek help when I’m sliding. I put my Sakura at the bottom as she’s my child and has pulled me through many many dark nights. I needed her close by me as she fills me with unconditional love and strength. She’s much more than a cat to me.

The fairy’s dress being pink was for my favourite colour.  I had them tattoo really bright colours so it was in my face… and boy is it bright, agree?? 🙂

Whenever I’m low?  this is a constant reminder to get help and to do it quickly.

The tattoo is very large and it’s on my right thigh.

Now I realise I was hospitalised in March last year for some of the same reasons, and you could argue the point that it hasn’t really helped me, right? Not true though. It got me through 3 years without being hospitalised. It was me and my psychiatrist that made the decision to hospitalise me last year.  I was extremely suicidal and very close to not being here. But it was the the tattoo that reminded me to seek help. You see I smile when I’m happy and have learnt to hide behind that smile when I’m sad. I learnt this as a child. So it can be really hard for those who love me, as they see me smiling and at times wonder if I’m really happy or not?

Have you or anyone you know, ever had a tattoo to remind you or them of anything? There are many stories behind tattoos and I would love to hear yours.

Hope I haven’t shocked any new readers seeing this huge tattoo on my thigh.

Many hugs to you all, Paula xxxx

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I love this.

I saw this on Facebook today and had to post it.

Much love to you all. Hugs Paula xxx

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Relationships

Gosh it’s been so long since I posted that I feel I’m hijacking someone elses blog again. 🙂

I actually find it hard to write when I take these big gaps off blogging.  There’s been so many days when I’ve thought, “I might write something today”  before I knew it, the day was over and I had written nothing!

Okay where should i start writing from? Hmm, lets go back to Christmas time.

I had a great day with my family and my partner; actually, this year is the first Christmas my partner and I have spent together.  You see, he lives in one state and I live in another, so having Christmas together was really nice. He fly’s over to me quite a bit, and I fly with him when I can. He has a job that flies him all around the country and therefore he’s never really in one place for very long.

Can you believe it, he nearly didn’t make it for Christmas as he fell off a ladder only days away from Christmas day! I didn’t think he would come but knowing how disappointed I would be, he flew over. Now that’s pretty good considering he was in hospital over night and could barely walk.  His ribs were all bruised and he was really sore, he’s lucky nothing more serious happened to him.

Good news for me is that in the coming weeks he’s moving in with me, we have been together for 17 months now and we feel that we now want to commit to the next level. Oh BTW: I don’t mean marriage! I’m afraid marriage is not for me. Been there done that and I’m not ready to even think along those lines. I left my Ex for all sorts of reasons and one was not trusting him.

Anyway I’ll go back to a happier part of my life and that’s moving in with someone my own age and who I truly love.

I believe we now live in a modern society and I don’t think you need a certificate to prove you love someone. I was once really old fashioned and thought you should marry and you should take the husbands name. Well, not anymore. I have 2 friends that have married and kept their maiden names. I have always thought this was wrong and why bother getting married if you DON’T take their name?  But I now know I was wrong again! They love their husbands just as much as those that take their husbands names, so I suppose what’s the difference?

So many people chose to just live together these days that I don’t think it really matters. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not Condoning the Sanctity of Marriage…Not at all! I just think times are changing and we don’t have to be so set in our ways.

People are more open now and not as judgmental…Which I think this is a good thing! Gosh in the old days you would have been shunned for such a thing. It was a pretty cold and cruel world, especially for woman.
All I can say is thank god for the 21st Century!

In saying that I believe we all need to take the path that best suits us and our own individual needs.  Because at the end of the day Loving someone and someone loving you is not as easy as it sounds, and especially finding someone you trust! So when and if you are lucky enough to find it again, I think you should hang onto it in any way you can.

So, how do you feel about about people living together, NOT marrying, or marrying and NOT taking their husbands names? Or worse, being with someone younger than your own children.  It will be interesting to see how you feel and be completely and utterly honest, I hold no grudges!! Well, So I say!! Lol

Much love to you and Happy Belated New Year to you all! 

Hugs Paula xxxx

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Merry Christmas, everyone!

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way!!

 

Not long now before the big man in the red suit to comes along and brings many  smiles across the world.

 

Sending loads of Aussie warmth to all of you having a white Christmas in the Northern Hemisphere! 🙂

 

Hope everything is well with you all, enjoy the times you spend this month with friends and family.
Hugs, Paula xx

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My Christmas Tree!

Hello our Blogging Family/Community. 🙂

 

I have been looking through some blogs and the beautiful pictures that have been portrayed, during this Festive Season.

And boy have they made me feel happy and excited about Christmas.

So with keeping up with the Christmas Spirit, here is my Christmas tree! I tried to get a photo of Sakura sitting in front of it and this was the best one she would give me! Hahaha

So, have you put your tree up yet?

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Sakura, just chilling. 🙂

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Much love to you all. Hugs Paula xxx

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