Tag Archives: Rewarding

My New Clowns!

Evening from Oz, Everyone! ūüôā

 

Those of you that have followed me for some time now, would know I’m a clown collector. ¬†

I’ve collected clowns for 18 years now and every-time I find something that takes my eye? It’s as if it’s my first purchase! I’m like a kid in a candy store and love every single clown I’ve collected.¬†

No way can I pick a favourite as they are all my favourite!  Hahaha 

I suppose suffering with Depression they filled me with colour and happiness! Walking into the room makes me happy! 

I had to share them with you. Sorry for those of you who  suffer,

Coulrophobia: The fear of Clowns

 

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They are each about 20 inches high.

 

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Look at those faces, how can someone not like clowns? ūüôā¬†

 

 

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Wishing you all a great week! Hugs to you all. Paula xxxxx

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One more sleep!

One more sleep and then you can sleep in, or drink, or party, or veg and do nothing!

Sorry to everyone that works the weekends. ¬†Sometimes that’s me…but not this weekend!

Hugs from Sakura and Me! xxx

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I love this.

I saw this on Facebook today and had to post it.

Much love to you all. Hugs Paula xxx

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If only we were all this happy!

Hello my fellow bloggers,

Long time no hear from me, right? I am so hopeless at keeping up with blogging these days, sorry!

I saw this on facebook and it made me smile so much that I had to share it.

Where does all that energy come from?? Lol

Hugs to all of you. Paula xxxxx

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Don’t give up!

Hello fellow bloggers,

Lets keep climbing to the top…wherever that may lead!

The sky is the limit. So good luck to all of us.

Hugs to you all. Paula xxx

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My Own Bed

my sleepover bed

My Sleepover Bed

 

I’ve always had this thing where I’ve had to go back home to my own bed. I could be an hour away from home, but still I insist on returning to my own bed.

My husband didn’t really drink, so he was always the nominated driver. For me, being the drinker, this worked out well! ūüôā

Now I’m single I’m really noticing how obsessed I am about having to sleep in my own bed. No no not already off in some stranger’s bed doing strange things with him. Or am I? LMAO

Meaning I go out to dinner, or out with friends. Everyone asks me to stay so I can have a few drinks and not lose my licence. Australia is huge on catching drunk drivers – and so they should be! But here the limit is 0.5 which can be 1, 2 or 3 drinks depending on what you’ve eaten, whether you normally drink alcohol etc. I’m small framed and a drinker, so I would say I’m the 2 drinks girl.

Recently, my mum suggested I sleep over. My brain went into panic mode – that “no no no… That’s not possible… retreat retreat!!!” Lol

But she convinced me to stay, so there I was. And it wasn’t that bad… Apart from the fact that I drafted this post at 4.30am! ¬†Haha did I mention I’m a bad sleeper?!

Since then, I have been asked to sleep over at my brother’s place, and then a girlfriends… And of course said, no thank you!

But I am thinking about changing. Maybe I should have my going-away-from-home-stay-over-night-bag at the ready on occasion. ¬†ūüôā¬†This way, I can relax and have a few drinks and look forward to the adventures of sleeping in foreign beds… Ooor maybe not sleeping! Lol

Now am I the only one that feels like this… Or are there others like me? Do you have to sleep in your own bed… No matter what??

Hugs to you all and Happy Sleeping!! ūüôā

Paula xxxx

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Children/Grandchildren part 2

kids-paint-hands-art

My sons are now 21 and 28, and my grandchildren are 3 and 7.

What have I learnt as a parent?

You can’t fix world hunger by telling your children that kids in other parts of the world are starving. It’s hard for your¬†children¬†to get a grasp of how big the world is and how lucky they are to be born into a first world society.

The world is not going to fall apart because your kids aren’t like others and don’t go to bed when told. Why did I compare myself to others?

They aren’t going to get hugely sick because they don’t eat all veggies. And it’s not going to shape what they eat for the rest of their lives. Why? Because as they get older they work this one out themselves. You can shove it down all you like, but that doesn’t mean they will continue to eat it as an adult!

Don’t give yourself a heart-attack if they don’t do there homework¬†. They will learn and pay for their own mistakes. ¬†If school doesn’t come together smoothly, there are always bridging courses. If you instill them with the¬†motivation¬†to want to achieve, there are all sorts of ways for them to get there.

The list goes on and on.

Overall, what you need to do is love them, protect them and teach them right from wrong. Will they get it straight away? Maybe… Maybe not! But you give them these things, that’s the best we can do. The rest is up to them.

Just like us – you live grow and learn. Learning by our mistakes is all a part of the bigger picture. I adore my sons like every parent adores their children.

Do what you think is right, not what anyone else perceives to be right. This is so¬†important¬† They are your children and as long as you’re not harming then, it really has nothing to do with anyone! Of course people will judge – and at times say things to you – but it’s your ship and it is up to you how you sail it. Let them sail theirs. Never compare your parenting skills to others. Each child is different! You will only fret unnecessarily. They all grow up and learn from their own mistakes.

Children will work out what they want in the end. Or at least we hope they do! We just have to stay sane in the process!! Lol Be proud of yourself and your own abilities to get it right. Because at the end of the day, who is right?

Before I go, I must share this recent experience – my grandson asked me to draw with him.
Me: Oh no, what – a stick figure?
Him: No, a Mac truck with trailers.
Me: Really?! Ummm okay!
Well, when I showed him my drawing, I told him nana is no good at drawing. He looked at it and told me I’m a REALLY REALLY good drawer. My heart melted!!
My grandsons rush to hug me when I go to the property and follow me everywhere telling me how much they missed me! Ahhh so beautiful and innocent! This is why being a grandparent is so priceless. I’m not going to yell at them to get inside and pack up their toys, or hurry and get in the shower. I’m just going to help them pack up and turn the shower on!! ūüôā They seem to make everything in life worthwhile. I really like the feeling that children, and then grandchildren, can give your life purpose.

On a sadder note, my son and wife have called it a day and are getting divorced. I feel really sad about this, but at the end of the day their lives are their lives. The most important thing for me now is to let my grandkids know I will always be there for them no matter what. Who would have thought a mother and son would be separating from their partners at the same time.  Very strange and very sad.

So, are you an adoring grandparent or still at the parenting pulling your hair out stage? ūüôā

Hugs

Paula

image source

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Finding Faith in Myself

Sad Angel

I have returned from a holiday and, although¬†it was a great break,¬† my personal life (as you now know) is in turmoil.¬† The urge to give in is easy¬†but I’m not looking for easy this time. I’m not perfect – far from it! But I’m a good person and won’t let anyone take that from me. Life is strange and at times it can be hard to understand why certain things happen to us. Depression is an awful road and an easy one when things aren’t as we hoped they would be. But now at 45 years old I sit back and think “not this time. I’m better than this and someone – whether it be a God or the universe –¬†has a plan for me. I’m going to believe it’s a good plan and just go with the flow, I’m¬†not going to let the unknown get the better of me, because I know I deserve better”.

Maybe I should have made better choices in life. But then again, maybe this is what was meant to be. What if everything is just as it should be? Then I have to trust in destiny and fate. Be grateful for everything I have had and all the experiences I’ve been lucky enough to have. I have been loved and felt love. I am not going to accept that this is all that’s left. People change, life changes and we have to accept that change in us and know it’s a part of this bigger picture we call life.¬†Be true to yourself and accept responsibility for your failings.¬†Maybe they weren’t failings, maybe they were just a part of what was meant to be. We all grow and learn by our mistakes, but that’s just it… We have to let them go and move forward! Nobody is perfect.¬†Who wants perfect anyway? Just be you and one day the right person will see the real you through all those failings and nothing else will matter. So I will stand tall and face whatever life wants me to do next. Because life is too beautiful to throw away. I want to know what’s waiting around that corner. Whether it be good or bad!

Do you think I’m on the right track or have I verged too far south! lol

Hugs Paula xxx

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Depression Exists

cupcakes

Depression Exists:

As you all know lately I’ve been all over the place. However, Depression hasn’t won this time and I intend for it to never win again! ¬†It’s just me I personally have been all over the place. But now I’m ¬†starting to focus and get my act together once more.

Once you¬†realise¬†that you can’t control everything, life seems to get easier. I thought I had to control¬†everything, but then life did a turn and I no longer had to. Meaning I got married and was in a¬†position¬†that I no longer had to work! My youngest was 5 then and my oldest was 14. The 14 year old had been used to me working all his life, but they both loved me being a stay at home mum.

At first this was a huge novelty to me and I had no idea how to occupy myself. I learnt piano when I was young and so thought what the hell, I’ll learn again. I had a spiritual piano teacher and she taught me how to relax and ground myself. I learnt classical and felt really confident with her by my side. I loved the music but really struggled to read it. So, I played a lot by ear.

Then one day, I hurt my hand learning to ¬†play ¬†Moonlight Sonate. It should have taken a break but I insisted on getting it right using the wrong fingering over and over ¬†and ended up with¬†tendinitis. I took a break but in the process lost my¬†confidence. I had been with her for 3 years but all of a sudden I couldn’t hear the music. No one understood; I had played it and loved it. There I was, confidence¬†shattered. I told myself I could no longer play. Just like that, I closed the lid and have barely opened it since.

My son talked me into it a couple of times and recently I mucked around with my 11 month old niece on it. She couldn’t judge me. Actually I’m my worst critic and, at times, my worst enemy. I thought of going back to it. My husband suggested I learn the guitar. He has more faith in me than I do and misses hearing me play. Confidence can be a real prick. Sorry! But it’s true. You lose it and tell yourself you can no longer do something and¬†suddenly…¬†Guess what? You can’t! So, the piano just looks at me and I feel like a failure.

When I knew my confidence had taken a dive, I needed something to make me feel worthy. Yes, we all need to feel this. and being home is great, but we need to keep ourselves active members of society. I ended up throwing huge Christmas parties at a function centre. ¬†It was the party of the year to come to. It was so much fun and every year I had a different theme with all props matching. I bought gifts for Santa to give all the children. There was Fat Cat, Fairies, D.J.’s, and a number of other entertainers. Boy was it fun. The food was the biggest thing to¬†organise, and of course the alcohol. My brother-in-law is a lawyer so he took¬†responsibility¬†for the bar!! Lol I told myself I would stop when my son graduated year 12 (he was 17 years old). I did stop then; it had become quite expensive.

During this period there was no time for depression – I was too busy! Lol

I renovated a number of homes. Not pulling walls down and doing brick work, but being the project manager. All renovations need one as everything needs to flow, just like music! Lol ¬†I was great at keeping tradies happy… No, not in an ilicit sort of way… But that would have probably made for a better story!
Tradies hate it when other tradesman are in their working space, and rightfully so. I became a great cleaner and negotiator. ¬†I did 7 homes in 14 years and whilst it was fun, it’s also very tiring and stressful! Yet you look at the end result and go, I want to do it again! lol

To do nothing only brings about depression as you have too much time to analyse Рand over analyse Рeverything and anything. You make mountains out of molehills and everything becomes bigger than Ben-Hur!!

Keeping yourself occupied is one f the best things you can do for your mind.

Then last year I decided I wanted to volunteer for an organisation. I responded to an advertisement looking for someone to help at an old peoples home. Right, I can do that…. Well so I thought! ¬†When I started I thought “how on earth am I going to remember all these peoples names and areas they belong in!”. But like everything, in time you learn and it becomes second nature. I stayed for 8 months and in that time I met some beautiful people and heard some really great old stories. But it’s not really the place for anyone with any sort of Depression. Why? On one hand it’s incredibly rewarding… and then the other it’s the most depressing¬†place ever!!

The families that love and respect their elderly are easy to see, their loved one has photos, pretty blankets, ornaments, t.v’s, some even have their own laptops. They are happy cheery people and can’t wait for their families to turn up. The ones abandoned there have nothing but their beds and worn out old clothes. It’s heartbreaking to see and these people are generally quite sad and lost. I spent time in the dementia ward and this was not for the fainthearted. I loved being there yet there were times it was a little scary and you had to take a break. It’s so hard watching the families losing all hope as their parents slowly forget who they are. Dementia is a cruel disease and robs everyone of all dignity in the end.

At the same time I was¬†volunteering¬†I was in the midst of renovating my last home. We had 2 really big storms come through. It caused major flooding to the house and I needed to spend more time getting things sorted out there. Plus I had tradies crossing each other and they weren’t happy. So, I made the¬†decision¬†to leave the old peoples home. They asked if I would come back when the house sold, but I didn’t. I really thought about it and didn’t think it’s the place to be for me personally. I loved these people and unfortunately I’m the type of personality that if you have a problem, then it’s mine too! Crazy I know but I’ve always been like that. I always¬†feel like I can fix the world. When they were sad I was sad… And when they were singing and clapping their hands? So was I.

The house finally got finished and I had free time, which I loved actually. Then we had things we wanted to do at our rural property and so I spent time meeting the council and organising paperwork. We had some great wins and were given approval to install some additional forms of housing. My nephew turned a complete heap of rubbish donga/transportable into a beautifully equipped little home. We still have 2 more to do, but at least all major plumbing and electrical work is nearly completed.

So now it’s time to go and play… Jobs are all done and I’m off on a holiday. Well, two holidays actually! I shall write about them before I leave!

So for me, reading, exercising and eating, keeping myself healthy is a part of the bigger picture we call life… They are what are keeping me sane. People think it’s great to not have to work and to some degree, I agree. But overall for our own self esteem we need to stay connected to the world and not lose our own self worth. Because this is what nearly¬†happened¬†to me. I frustrate myself because I can do more than I realise or give myself credit for. Being negative is easy… It’s staying positive that’s the challenge!

What do you do to stay sane?

Hugs to you all….Paula xxx

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Mumsy

The Empty Nest

When I first started out writing, I wasn’t as happy or content with myself as I am now.

Like all bloggers, we have few followers in the beginning and as time goes by, slowly that number starts to rise and rise. The people that comment frequently are those you generally start to build closer friendships with. Mumsy was one of these people. The love and friendship this lady showed me was second to none! My happiness is partly due to this lovely person. ūüôā

When I was down she was always there to brighten my day and give me words of encouragement and wisdom – without judgement.

So, when I found out Mumsy had written a book, I was eager to download it and start reading. Unfortunately, I got busy and put it to the side (sorry, Mumsy!). ūüôā

 This weekend I dedicated my time to reading her book.

Musmsy (Jenny’s) book is called¬†The Empty Nest.

It’s a true story about Mumsy’s account of ¬†her two daughters Lauren and Jade, from the moment they were born until now.

You go through Jenny’s life as if you were there and a part of it. You feel the ¬†joy of her births as if you were right there, and panting along with her. You ache with sadness and emptiness at the realization¬†that her¬†marriage¬†of 19 years was over, and your heart soars at the courage she showed to start life over again. ¬†She then begins her journey as a single mother with teenage children. From the beginning to the end, you feel this woman’s love and admiration for her ¬†daughters. There are no pretences and her beautiful and authentic style enables you to share in the love, joy, pain, anger and sorrow that she endures on this personal journey to self discovery. ¬†The ending is¬†lovely…¬†¬†But I wont spoil it for you, buy the book and check it¬†out¬†for yourself!

Now, this synopsis is not Mumsy’s take, it’s my¬†interpretation¬†as the reader.¬†As a mum of two adult boys and my experience as a single parent for many years, I related to so many of Mumsy’s issues.¬†Whether you have teenage children, babies or no offspring at all, this is a wonderful story of courage and love.

Do yourself  a favour and fall in love with Mumsy as I did!

Thank you Mumsy for always being there for me, for all the nicknames you have given me and especially the love that you have shown. Well done on living your truth!!

Your Paulama, honey-pie and too many to mention! May you live a long happy life Miss Jenny!! xxxxxoooo

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