Depression Exists

Thought I would touch base with the rest of the blogging community as I’ve kind of drifted away again.

When I say drift, I mean that life kind of threw the curve ball at me with my Step dad dying;  It’s now been nearly 3 weeks and I’m feeling a little better, as is my mum. He’s still very much in our hearts, but it makes you realize that life has to go on or else you would fall apart every day and then what good are you to anyone, or even yourself for that! You know when sometimes in life you make the wrong decisions, or you take the wrong turn in life and you regret the hell out of whatever bad choice or decision you have made? Well, I think from all the bad things in my life Ray was the one constant good thing that was a part of my life, so when that person goes; a part of you goes too.
At the funeral my eldest son came up to me and hugged me and said: “That would have been you if you had committed suicide and we would have been here for you.” I hugged him and cried more, because I knew he was right. Now when I’m feeling  a little low and I think life is too tiring, I think about what he said to me and let me tell you, it resonated with me!

Suicide is a selfish act, my psychiatrist always reminds me of this but sadly when a person gets to that point, they just don’t see it as that, they just want their pain to go away and apart from that, there’s not too much thought. From my point of view, it’s because you have already gone through all the if’s and but’s and there’s no real answer other than you’re unwell and all logic is out the door. It’s kind of like your pain or their pain, it’s a no-win situation. Who suffers more, you or them?
The problem is when someone is that far gone from reality you’re usually not their to save them, only they can do that and sadly more times than not, they lost the battle for life.

I suppose this is very depressing and an awful subject, but one that is sadly happening everyday somewhere around the world and for all different reasons.
Like you and me I suppose, if we knew someone was about to commit suicide and we could do something to help, we would! However in most cases it’s a silent killer and one that’s usually been thought about for some time and no matter how much we thought we could have stopped it, I don’t think we could.

So, what can we do in these situations?
Personally I think it’s to be more aware of those we love and whom we know are struggling with life in one shape or another and to just be there for them; not just want them to hurry and finish their story, but to really sit there and listen to what’s troubling them. It’s incredible how many people have no one to confide in.
Depression is a sad lonely place to be and it holds no race or prejudice, anyone can be seduced by it; I say seduced, as all our beliefs at that point can’t seem to help us, they have been pulled too far away from our reality and that’s when suicidal thoughts begin. Life feels hopeless and things just aren’t going to get better, but they can and will; Life is full of ups and downs and we have to learn to take the good with the bad, even when the bad is down right ugly and unforgivable.
I say believe in you, and all the great things you once stood for; remember the songs you once loved and singing them out loud in your car and all the memories they would bring? You didn’t care who was listening because they made you happy and bought back great memories, remember your favorite foods like your mum’s pasta or nanna’s cake she baked, and your favorite restaurant where they greeted you as if you were family? Or just the smell of certain foods that still trigger great memories. Gosh I still remember getting my first Choo-Choo bar!
It was made from aniseed and really hard to bite and my tongue and mouth would be black. Lol.  Even as a kid when my life was sad and awful in parts this still brings back great memories; What about your first car you bought and how happy you felt, even if it was a wreck you didn’t care because it meant you had freedom to go wherever we chose, right?  or your first girlfriend/boyfriend and the butterflies you got in your stomach when you saw them, your first pet or the pet you have now whom you love and adore. They fill us with unconditional love and we need them as much as they need us; these are the simple things in life that we forget and that can trigger happy memories. Life can be hard at times, and seem unfair but hold on and just try to get through this day and see what tomorrow brings. You’re not no one, you are someone special and many people love you and would be lost without you, stay strong and remember what greatness could be waiting around the corner for you, never give up on you!

So remember, that one act of kindness you give to a loved one, friend or colleague could mean everything to that person. It’s so easy to walk away from trouble than to actually take the time to listen to what someone in need has to say, even if they don’t tell you but you see something’s not right, ask, “are you okay?” That’s all it sometimes takes.

Think of this, We give money to charities to help the needy so why can’t we spare a bit of our time to those who are struggling and need guidance and help? They need it just as much as the charities, if not more!

Hugs to you all. Paula xx

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18 Comments

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18 responses to “Depression Exists

  1. Al

    To the world you may be one person
    But to one person, you may be the world.

    I know in 2008 it was my kids that stopped me, and when one of my friends heard, he came straight over. Not only was I suicidal, I was also on a self-destructive path and I didn’t care who I took with me. My life had been destroyed, the person I loved had walked out on me and left the kids. I didn’t know how I could go on,

    I am grateful to those friends, even though something that happened the following year drove a wedge between me and them, and I have not spoken to them in over 4 years. They were there at the time I needed them.

    There is always hope.

    Your record for making it through the bad days is 100%

    • Hey Alastair, thank you for sharing your story as I know it’s not easy to share such things. I for one are really glad they were there for you at that time, even if not now. Everything happens for a reason and maybe that’s why they were there all along, just waiting for that moment even thought they didn’t know it themselves. I appreciate your friendship and advice and I’m really glad you’ve managed to stay strong, even if you haven’t wanted to at times! Your 2 children are lucky they have you as you are them!
      Many hugs, Paula xxxx

      • Al

        Thank you Paula. I really appreciate that. I know one of the things that keeps me strong now is the tablets I take. I never wanted to have them, but there are some times you have no choice.

  2. Placid's Place

    Hey Paula, I have been so remiss in visiting… So many blogs,so little time!!! I am so sorry to hear about your stepdad, chin up girl, loss can be a terrible thing…I am sure losing your ‘constant’ is more of a shake than you are letting on??! I hope your mum is doing okay too; its hard on the spouse, harder I think than they let on sometimes. But thats the thing about grief and loss, there are stages and then we learn to somehow live with it… Hugs back to Paula, and I promise I’ll visit more often….xxxx

    • Lovely to hear from you! 🙂

      Hope all is well with you. Even now if I think of him my eyes start to fill with tears. I think this will go on for sometime. I suppose time heals everything, right? It’s hard losing someone you loved so much. As for keeping up with all the blogs you follow, I totally agree! Never enough time. Thank you for your kind words. Hugs Paula xxx

  3. Hi, Paula. A very well written post, and certainly food for thought. I think it’s far more important to listen to someone, than to give advice. Sometimes all they need is for someone to show and interest and make them feel special. I’m so happy that your family and friends are so supportive. I loved reading all your positive thoughts too. Hugs to you. xx

    • Hi Sylvia,

      Thank you. 🙂 I totally agree about listening to someone rather than giving advice. I also believe that everyone likes to feel special in one way or another. Family and friends are such an important part to our lives. I feel for the people that don’t have this kind of support. Sending you a huge hug! Paula xxxxx

  4. Wise words and a great reminder, especially at this time of year when people who are alone feel a lot more isolated with the incessant adverts showing happy people doing things together. We do take such little things for granted until we need one of those kind acts and then it is a whole different ball game. As ever my thoughts are with you and should you need me or just wish for a chat, feel free to mail me.

  5. It is good to hear from you again – though I am really sorry for your loss.

    All the bist,
    rabirius.

  6. It s all ok?I wish you all the best .

  7. I totally understand this. Just thinking about suicide, I’ve been there on the edge of a cliff looking over thinking just one more step forward and that’ll be in, pain over. I didn’t take the step because I love the people around me too much – my mother, son and wife. You have those people around you too. Great blogging – really honest and brave.

    • Hi Harv, sorry for such a late reply. I haven’t been blogging that much lately. I’m sorry to hear that you too have been there, but really happy that your in a good place right now. It’s hard for people around us to understand how hard some days are, to find the will to live. Have a great weekend and thank you, for your honesty! Hugs Paula xx

  8. I love to read this great article. Depression is very danger If situation is critical then in some case victim get suicide yourself. So always, have to motivate those people who suffer from that.

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