Sakura, my love

I did a post about Sakura months ago and have been asked to post a photo of her many times since then.

So without further ado…. Here is the great love of my life!

Sakura is 10 in human years and is a very small cat. Although she’s a moggy cat she thinks she’s a pedigree. Lol

Her name means cherry blossom in Japanese. Her nicknames are Kura and Princess. No matter what time of the day or night I come home, 9 out of 10 times she’s half asleep waiting at the front door to greet me.

When I sleep she cuddles right into me like a teddy bear. Because I have insomnia and sleep apnea she can tell when my breathing changes and she nudges me to wake up. I’ve always found this sixth sense in animals incredible. If she feels I’ve neglected her, she goes to her toy box picks a toy out, then calls for me to play with her. And If I ignore her? Lordy… She just howls louder. She’s an inside cat and has never gone outside. The house I recently moved from was really large and she had plenty of space, so don’t feel sorry for her. However the house I am currently renting is only 3 bed 1 bathroom. Her old house was 5 bedrooms 3 bathrooms, but like the vet said – she’s older and more settled than when she was younger and wanting to  race from one end of the house to the other, up the stairs, down the stairs, up the stairs… You get the message. Lol

The vet tells me the space is sufficient and not to stress. So I’m not going to fret over it. 🙂

I also have 2 weiros (small parrots). I love birds so much – a good reason I don’t want her outside, being able to hunt and hill the native wildlife. Plus if she’s sleeping in my bed tucked under my arm? I don’t need birdie breath breathing on me. LMAO
Yet this is another thing I find fascinating – who likes morning breath? No one, right? But as I wake sometimes her nose is pressed right up against my mouth. Yikes!! At this point you’re probably cringing, right? Nonetheless I’ll continue… Hopefully without totally grossing you out. Lol. Now, no one else would do that without telling you to go brush your teeth, agreed? LMAO But to my princess… I’m mum and that smell is what tells her I’m mum. She can’t get close enough to me.

She loves my morning breath, my messy hair, my sexy elmo P.J’s. Lol. No matter what, she just loves me. Now, WHO WOULDN’T want someone like that in their lives? 🙂

She frequently follows me around like a puppy dog, waiting for me to finish whatever I’m doing as she’s dying to hop on my lap. The moment my laptop is on? She’s on my knee looking at the screen and following the letters. She does this until she can’t stay awake and then curls back up on my lap.

She is honestly like a child to me and brings so much joy to my world. If I’m down, and feeling low, and especially if I cry, she will smother with love… Almost as if she knows I have to smile and it’s her duty to make sure I do. It’s really peculiar, and makes me love her all the more.

With her in my life, I never feel completely alone. She loves me unconditionally, and I give the same back to her.

Maryanne, who I follow and vice versa, just lost her beloved Billy cat after 19 years. When she cried I cried for her as I can imagine the pain of losing something you have loved for so very long. My heart goes out to Maryanne and Dennis…. Love to you, Maryanne!

I know Sakura won’t live forever, so I cherish each and every day that I have her in my life.
As I type this, she’s watching on my knee. Lol

Do you have a pet that you adore like a child? A sweet little animal that loves you, morning breath and all?

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

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I love…

I love sunshine, and how when it hits my face I feel alive and invigorated.

I love my family and friends, for they keep me strong and don’t allow me to fall down.

I love colour, for the world isn’t black and white.

I love to look at the ocean; it keeps me calm.

I love the garden because it keeps me close to nature.

I love butterflies for they look so graceful when they fly.

I love dancing, as it wakes my soul.

I love the moon and how I gaze in wonder.

I love Sakura for she is the great love of my life and brings me peace.

I love all people of all races and religion… We are all connected.

I love chocolate – it lifts dark clouds! 

I love watching children play and listening to their laughter. So innocent and free.

I love Game Of Thrones!! 🙂

I love travelling, But when that plane arrives back in Australia? That’s when I’m truly home.

I love today; the sun is shining!

I love our blogging family/community

Ohhh and I love Bourbon. Lol

What do you love?

Hugs to you all. Paula xxxxxooo

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My Own Bed

My Sleepover Bed

 

I’ve always had this thing where I’ve had to go back home to my own bed. I could be an hour away from home, but still I insist on returning to my own bed.

My husband didn’t really drink, so he was always the nominated driver. For me, being the drinker, this worked out well! 🙂

Now I’m single I’m really noticing how obsessed I am about having to sleep in my own bed. No no not already off in some stranger’s bed doing strange things with him. Or am I? LMAO

Meaning I go out to dinner, or out with friends. Everyone asks me to stay so I can have a few drinks and not lose my licence. Australia is huge on catching drunk drivers – and so they should be! But here the limit is 0.5 which can be 1, 2 or 3 drinks depending on what you’ve eaten, whether you normally drink alcohol etc. I’m small framed and a drinker, so I would say I’m the 2 drinks girl.

Recently, my mum suggested I sleep over. My brain went into panic mode – that “no no no… That’s not possible… retreat retreat!!!” Lol

But she convinced me to stay, so there I was. And it wasn’t that bad… Apart from the fact that I drafted this post at 4.30am!  Haha did I mention I’m a bad sleeper?!

Since then, I have been asked to sleep over at my brother’s place, and then a girlfriends… And of course said, no thank you!

But I am thinking about changing. Maybe I should have my going-away-from-home-stay-over-night-bag at the ready on occasion.  🙂 This way, I can relax and have a few drinks and look forward to the adventures of sleeping in foreign beds… Ooor maybe not sleeping! Lol

Now am I the only one that feels like this… Or are there others like me? Do you have to sleep in your own bed… No matter what??

Hugs to you all and Happy Sleeping!! 🙂

Paula xxxx

Depression Exists

This post is in support of the people I follow – and also the people that follow me – who are suffering deeply with Depression right now:

For those out there that are struggling to cope with their Depression. You know who you are, and of course I would never mention any of you. But I want you to know that although you feel alone and people on WordPress aren’t in the physical world with you, they are there in spirit.
Keep reaching out, keep writing; write about everything. Especially, write about the ugliness that you are feeling. It needs to get out of your head and thrown into the universe. If we hold it all in something has to give, and it has the potential to lead to a breakdown.
I wish some of you could seek therapy. You would see just how free your mind and life can be. Someone to listen to you that’s not there to judge you… Just help you in any way they can to make you well again. However I understand how the prospect of therapy can be daunting/too difficult so I won’t push the point.

Depression isn’t pretty. It’s ugly, lonely, dark and cold. You don’t have to write that the world is beautiful. Let those that have more strength than you right now shine their light down onto you. Don’t push them away, reach out and take their hand. Even if it’s just for a short while. We all have to come up for air, then lay back down and try again tomorrow!

Reading some of your posts lately has taken all the strength and energy in me to not break down crying myself. Actually some of them I couldn’t help but shed a tear. It seems that there are so many of you struggling right now that I feel I have to write something in support for you all. I write now for you, and also for me – it helps to write, to get it out of my head.

I’ve been where you are now and I know what strength it takes to pull through. But you can do it. Believe in yourself. You are beautiful.

Baby steps. One day at a time. Suicidal thoughts and believing that you are ugly and useless are crippling. Don’t judge you by the way you say you look, judge by based on the beautiful soul that you are inside. I’ve said before there are some beautiful looking people in this world that are very ugly on the inside. Right now, the outside is just what’s protecting the beautiful you inside. Let go of all that hurt and the outside will soon start to sort itself out. Love it again and see what happens. I care very much about you and many others here on WordPress do to! Don’t let the Depression win. You are all worth fighting for, so fight back with great strength and courage.  Don’t let people put you down, even when they are family.  No one in this world is worthless, we all have a place and reason for being here. What that reason is… I don’t know. It’s up to all of us to learn that one ourselves.

I know it’s easier said than done… I really do! But I also know it can be done, because I did it.
I was lost in oblivion and never thought I would find my way back, but I did. And I really believe that you can too.
Find a reason. Just one reason. Find the reason that makes you get up every morning, and slowly the rest will fall into place.

There is no magical pill or cure. It’s about finding strength within ourselves and the belief that we are not failures, we  have just veered off our tracks. We can suffer Depression for all sorts of different reasons, but at the end of the day, we feel the same. We just want to be able to breath again without feeling like we’re drowning. Sometimes the tiredness outdoes the strength and willpower to get through. But you will find it, believe in you!! Remember, time heals everything.

Depression is REAL it’s not in your head. Fight it and never give up on YOU!

You deserve to be happy and to be loved just like every other human being out there. Don’t let anybody tell you any different!!

If I could teleport myself to each and everyone of you as I read your cries for help? I would. But that’s not possible, so all I can say, is I hear you and feel you. Stay connected with people in any way you feel you can. Don’t hide yourself away, you will only feel worse in the long run. I wish I had an answer for you all, but I don’t. All I can do is send you love.

Take care of you.

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxx

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I have the ‘net!! (Yay!)

Hello my lovely blog family!

I’m so happy – my internet connection was set up today! 

Woohoo! It only took a month. Lol  That’s Telstra for you!

I love this song. 🙂

Love hugs and good wishes to you all.

Paula xxxx

Children/Grandchildren part 1

My son made me a grandmother at 38. I know I know what you’re thinking – crazy, right?

It wasn’t all his fault. I was a teenage mum,  so it was a possibility.  He married at 21 and has 2 beautiful boys. Yes, I am biased …I’m the nana!! Lol

As a grandparent you get the privilege of seeing life differently. You get to love them play with them, and then hand them back to their parents. The love and bond of a grandparent is so special. Your relationship is almost outside the realms of parenting, so you are able to connect differently. Letting the parent do all the parenting can be hard at times, but it’s not our job to interfere (with obvious exceptions). Even I have learnt this one!

What you did as a parent you may no longer think  your children should do to their children. Like smack or yell, or make them eat all their food. Which is okay, but I think parenting has kind of gone a little off the tracks a little.  Meaning, a small smack on the hand instantly when they where wrong. Not 20 minutes later. never hurt our kids at all, or even us when we were little. You knew you were in the wrong and just accepted it and made sure not to do it again. Now this one doesn’t always work! Lol    Sometimes I think we liked the smacks!! lol Maybe some even grew up liking bondage? Lol

Being bought up strict can have its advantage and disadvantages. But we knew right from wrong, got smacked when we didn’t and learnt to respect our elders.

Life changes though and I think that to a certain degree we have to go with that change and new knowledge that parents have today. In a way I think ignorance was bliss. You didn’t have to think every five minutes if you were doing the wrong thing. You just got on with things.

Being a parent is not an easy job and it’s a thankless one at that. I think even the best parents in the world end up with one or more of their kids saying, they hated this or that about their life. Your kind of damned if you do and damned if you don’t. You see those adoring faces looking up at you and think they will stay that way forever. But no, there comes the day you are no longer everything to them and it’s your fault for not letting them go out and have underage fun! God we are killjoys!! Lol

Tomorrow I will discuss what else I have learnt as a parent.

Hugs to you all….Paula xxx

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Happy Weekend!!

Hello my lovely fellow bloggers!! 🙂

Hope you are having a great weekend. See you back here on Monday! 🙂

Hugs to you all.  Paula xxxxx

Do We Say Sorry And Mean It??

Do we  say sorry and mean it?

Have you ever being sorry for something and wished you could take that moment back? You more than likely have as it’s human nature to make mistakes… Or poor choices!

But we can’t get that moment back because it’s already in the past. Like that, see, it’s gone, we are now in the future, whoops it’s gone again and again.. Bugger, missed it again! Okay you get my point. lol

We say sorry but sometimes sorry isn’t enough for some people to let it go. I suppose your forgiveness is measured by what kind of pain or disappointment you caused the person or persons.

I thought of this one a lot lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that sorry is but a word. (Feeling regret, compassion, sympathy, pity etc) But are we sorry to them or just sorry for our own self pity, regret etc?  Do we really mean it when we say sorry or are we doing it with our fingers crossed behind our backs?

Actions speak louder than words so therefore when our actions are poor choices judgement etc, you can’t blame someone for not trusting in your being sorry. So how do you regain trust? Do you spend hours trying to justify yourself or do you let it go and move forward?

I’ve decided that moving forward is the best thing. When your fingers aren’t behind your back and you are genuinely sorry, what more can you do or say to make that person believe that you mean it. Actually I don’t think you can… Trust is something earned and once you lose that trust it’s very hard to get it back. You may know you mean it, but the other persons hurt is just too deep.

You have to let it go as it only pulls you down and makes you feel bad; almost like grieving in some kind of strange way. The past is but the past and the future is here and now. Learning from our mistake is whats important and taking responsibility for it. So move forward and have no regrets, as guilt is a wasted emotion!

Have you ever said or done something and wished you could take it back??

Hugs and love to you all……Paula xxx

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Happy Weekend!

Happy weekend, Everyone!!

Have an awesome weekend. This is one of my favourite songs!

Let’s get down and dance together. You know you have to groove in that seat, right??

LOL Click those fingers and move those hips. You know you want to! 

Hugs to you all….Paula xxx

P.S Sorry to my Little Cyber Brother in Pakistan who can’t see this! 

Happy Weekend, Nafees! x

Depression Exists

Depression Exists:

Tonight, I write this for others that are suffering with Depression right now.
Especially our teenagers!

Growing up as a “normal” child wasn’t easy for me. Those who have been sexually abused will understand exactly what I’m talking about. You lay in bed and cry and wonder if anyone cares or even sees you. You pray to God to help you die and take you away from the hell you’re living in.  But that doesn’t happen – you wake and the same thing happens again and again. You stop believing or caring about God. If he was really listening this would all go away, but it doesn’t! So you no longer believe in anything, or feel safe anywhere.

You can’t think or act normally (whatever that is, anyway). Nothing in your life is like the typical girl or boy next door just hanging out with your friends and family.

You’re broken and feel different, weird, lost, confused, sad, angry and every other negative emotion your body can think of. To those around, you you are annoying and difficult and cause problems to the rest of the family. Yet no one knows your pain or can hear you crying out loud in your mind, screaming for it all to stop.  Who will understand? Who will believe me? Who will care?
Well, plenty of people care. And that’s what I want to say to you.

Don’t lay there in silence crying inside, or walk around feeling like some kind of freak, or think  you’re different and no one gets you. Maybe they do think you’re different and a little odd, but they can’t hear you and know that you are in pain unless you reach out for help.

So many people care… More than we realise! Okay, trust.. Right?? I know this is the hard part. Those that you should have been safe with and trusted are the very people hurting you.

I thought asking for help was a weakness and therapy was never going to happen. How could I tell someone the horrors that live in my head, and about the pain I had endured in silence for years. Where would I even start. Would my family still love me?

They did, of course. They felt my sadness as if it was their own. They rallied behind me like knights in shining armour! We came away from the side of the family that hurt me and the healing began. Therapy does and will help, I promise you that!  But the first step is being able to ask for it. Life as a teenager can be tough enough without any form of abuse whether that be mental or physical abuse. They are as bad as each other, never think differently!!

You deserve to be loved and feel loved, never ever forget this. You are beautiful, strong and courageous and don’t let anyone make you feel less. Broken things can be fixed. And when they are fixed with professional care… They once again look beautiful and complete. Life is strange and sometimes hard to understand, but one day this will all be gone along with those that have hurt you!

YOU  WILL  FIND LOVE AND HAPPINESS AGAIN.

We forgive… But never forget. Why?? Because it’s our souls way of protecting us from never allowing this to happen to us again.

Go to a friend a teacher, anyone you feel you can trust. Don’t suffer in silence!! Someone in life is waiting for you to grow up and to love you unconditionally. Don’t let them down, they need you as much as you need them. I believe in soul mates. I think there is one out there for you.

Remember you are beautiful. Whatever you are suffering, let someone in and learn to dance and smile again!

I hug you and want you to know you are not alone!  Live for all the beauty that is waiting for you!

Learn to trust again!!!

Hugs to you all…Paula xxxx