Tag Archives: Helping

Depression Exists

Depression exists, but why?

I ask myself this question over and over again, everytime I fall into darkness.

Today I fell apart after talking to my stepfather.
One thing lead to another and before I could even catch myself, I had started to fall. It’s kind of like seeing yourself in slow motion but not being able to do anything about it.
Just when I think I’m happy and strong, something always blind-sights me and knocks me down.

Not only is my stepfather in a bad way, but someone I love more than life itself is also deeply hurt and suffering right now.
I can’t say who out of respect for this person, but I have to be strong as he needs me more than ever right now. Holding your own pain inside whilst helping someone else with theirs can be so hard, but this isn’t about me. This is about being strong for someone who loves me deeply and needs me to stay the course, so I have to hide how I’m feeling and sometimes it’s so hard to do. When you love someone the way I love this person, it cuts to the very core of your being when they are drowning in their own sorrow and there’s not a lot you can do. So, what will I do?
I will listen and listen intently and be there night and day for them. If I could cut myself and bleed away their pain? I would, but life isn’t like that. We all have our own paths and journey to take and mine is to love that person and show them that I care and will always be there, no matter what!

I have to take a deep breath and hide my own pain in this situation, but it’s really hard this time!

Why?

Because smiling doesn’t help when your crying on the inside AND outside there’s nothing left to give, you feel broken. Life IS beautiful and I know better than to let my past control me, but sometimes I just can’t control my thoughts; especially when certain situations arise and take me back to them.
Darkness and negativity are strong and at the time the light just isn’t in your reach. You reach for it only to be pulled back down drowning in your own thoughts.

Depression is real but I know that happiness is too, but sometimes it eludes me and I feel alone. I know I’m not but at the time its very cold and lonely, especially when you can’t talk about it. I wear my heart on my sleeve but the deep dark thoughts are just that…Deep!

Loneliness isn’t always about having no one in your life, because I have many that love me and I’m grateful for all their love. Since I was little girl, abused and then raped at 20 I’ve struggled with an internal loneliness. I can be in a group of people smiling and joking but inside I’m distant and wanting to hide from everyone.
It is like wanting to be in a bubble that no one can penetrate or hurt you.

Sakura (my cat) as many of you will already know has stayed close by me and hugged into me. Even now she’s on my lap as I’m typing.
She gives me unconditional love and I would be lost without her, having an animal around you when you get depressed is very soothing and comforting.

Depression isn’t a sign of weakness, I think you’ve just fallen off lifes tracks and need to get back on. Kind of like falling off a horse and having to get back up and ride again, so fear doesn’t take over.

Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real

This is what we have to tell ourselves when our world feels like it’s caving in on us. Look at what is real now and leave your past behind, that’s why it’s the past…it’s gone and that’s where it needs to be in order for us to move forward.

Giving in is easy, fighting’s the hard part! But we are all worth fighting for, right? And I want this person to fight for me and all the people that love and need them as I do!  The thought of losing them kills me and whilst I still breathe …I won’t ever allow this to happen. It just can’t happen.

When you’re Depressed ….Don’t isolate yourself when the depression is strong, you need to keep connected with those that love you. If your down remember they are too. When you can’t eat? They can’t eat. When you don’t sleep? They don’t sleep. When you cry? They cry too!

Be brave and hang in there!

Tomorrow is another day, so close your eyes and let all the pain and sadness that you may be feeling drift away; even if it’s just for a night so you can start again tomorrow. One day at a time, I strongly believe this and live by this principle. You can do it, believe in yourself, stay strong and hang onto that one thing that keeps you connected. You are worth more than you realise to so many people. May the universe, your inner self or your god give you the strength you need to get through this hard time.

Just a side note: Many people come to my blog but don’t comment. Depression isn’t something people like to talk about, but I know you’re there and I hug you and understand your struggles. Stay strong and feel loved and worthy, because you are! Whatever has hurt you and for whatever reason your depressed right now, you will get through it. It wont be easy but remember: ALWAYS  find something that makes you smile, anything!!  the sun, moon, hell even chocolate, I’m serious it’s a great pick me up! your pet, your partner, anything, anything at all!!  When your down I know it’s easier said than done, but if you can? Wow it changes everything. Stay strong and believe in your own self worth. You are beautiful and worth fighting for always remember that!

I’ve been away in Tasmania for the past week and was going to post about it, but this has kind of taken a back seat from what’s just happened. I needed to write this to get it out of my head and to stay strong. I love this person more than life and without them in my life I wouldn’t survive. So I’m venting my hurt to the world.

I’ll post photos soon of Tasmania as I need to stay hopeful and happy.

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

44 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Mental Illness

mental-illness-art-a3ce9bb6a9a7cdbcMental Illness. Instantly, this phrase can make someone nervous.

Why do you think it’s still like this in the 21st century?

We all know some of the obvious reasons – for example, the way mental illness is portrayed in many Hollywood movies. One Who Flew over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Black Swan, Sucker Punch, Girl, Interrupted; Fight Club… The list goes on.

But isn’t it talked about more often and people are more open than was once the case? I wonder, what makes someone scared? Maybe they think the person with schizophrenia is going to come at them with a knife because they saw it once on the news? Or maybe they will become some kind of poltergeist and their head will start spinning? How far from the truth! I imagine they just want you to treat them like everyone else. Imagine how hard the diagnosis alone is? And then for someone to be segregated as a result of that diagnosis?? Wow, how crushing!!

What about the Depressed person, who you think is always moaning and down. Why not put your arms around them and let them know that you’re there if they need you. Don’t try to avoid them; maybe just listen to what they have to say… Not just wait for them to finish and run away, but really listen! Sometimes that’s all someone needs. They aren’t failures or losers because they’re Depressed. Depression is very real and it’s not in their heads. If they could make it go away, they would! They want to laugh and smile again just like everyone else. They are lost and broken and need someone to help get them back on track. Whether that be by therapy, medication, love and understanding, or all of them…. Whichever the case they will get there with your love and support. You know anyone can be caught in the stronghold of depression at some point in their lives. Your one gesture of love and understanding? It can change their whole day and world! Show them love and kindness. Everyone needs love and understanding, right?

It baffles me that some members of society still judge this way. I suppose there are those that suffer greatly and at times have to be hospitalised and stabilised as a result of their mental illness, but usually this is a result of someone stopping their medication/s, or that they just need their prescriptions adjusted. I suppose when someone witnesses these turns, it frightens them and I can understand that, but again a little bit of love and understanding goes a hell of a long way to helping their recovery.

Lets take the word Normal. Can someone please explain what that means?? Not what the dictionary says, but what in REAL LIFE does this word mean?

What you think is Normal another person doesn’t! So, who is right and who is wrong?

Bipolar Disorder – You know one minute we are flying high and no one can touch us, next we come crashing down and need someone with big hearts and open arms to catch us. Sometimes we don’t see the fall until it’s too late. That’s when the climb back up to the top can be exhausting. We become our biggest enemy. Everyday we have to find something to smile about or we drown. We are just like you, but some days we stumble and need love and understand to get us back up.

OCD-Obsessive Compulsive Disorder this can be so debilitating for so many people. Yet some people make fun of this. But why? Have they had it? Do they even understand the trauma the person goes through on daily basis? They know it’s not NORMAL, but they can’t help it. It’s what makes them feel normal!

Take Anxiety Disorder, it’s crippling and yet anyone can be caught in its grip at some point in their lives. Very successful people can suffer with this. In no way does the label define the person. Breathing is like hyperventilating and you feel that you are going to pass out. Or worse, you shallow breathe and feel like you’re drowning in your own breath. You’re looking for the positives but all you see is negativity. A mole hill becomes a mountain of Everest proportions! You try to get a hold of it and then it just pulls you back down. Again, people just need your understanding and compassion.

Now this is a tricky one: Anorexia/Bulimia The things these people suffer in their daily lives are horrendous. The way they see themselves can make you cry. I’ve had both of these in my life and let me tell you, they are crippling! They/we do not see what you see. Why do magazines glorify us human beings? We aren’t perfect so why are we always looking for perfection in our bodies. We are attracted to all sorts of different body shapes, right? So, why do we think slim and perfect is the answer? Where does this come from? Even to this day as small framed as I am… I dislike my body. Actually that’s an understatement!!  It’s wrong and I know that, but trying to get this one in my head is like extracting a tooth! 🙂 Beauty is but skin deep, so how does this happen?

You know there are so many disorders out there – these are just some that people face daily.

Please don’t be afraid of what you don’t understand. These people are Normal. They just struggle at times and need your love and understanding. Not anyone’s judgement.

To all those out there that suffer with any kind of Mental Illness? I reach out and hug all of you and understand your daily struggles. We are a lot stronger  than people realise. We fight our demons every day and somehow pull through. Maybe your faith gets you through or the love and support of family and friends. Whatever the case may be, we get there. Be proud of who and what you are and what you have achieved. Never compare your achievements to another, as there will always be those greater, as well as those less fortunate. Stay strong and believe in you, for you are a beautiful soul and deserved to be loved and respected like every other human being.

Remember WE ARE  like everyone else and just want to be accepted for who we are. Our diagnosis DOES NOT define us as a person.

We can only hope it helps others understand, that some days we will struggle. And if we fall? Give us a helping hand and we will get back up and try again tomorrow. You know just that little bit of help love and understanding from those around us? We can get there! Maybe not to what you think is normal, but to what’s achievable and realistic to us. Just love us for who we are and we will love you back as you are!

I really do love our blog family/community and to you all, I for one appreciate the love understanding and friendship that you all have shown me and to those in need here on WordPress!

You have no idea how much you make a difference. That one gesture of love and understanding you show, can make that persons day and life a whole lot brighter!

WORDS ARE POWERFUL!!

Love and hugs to the whole community! Let’s not be afraid of what we don’t understand.

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

image source

27 Comments

Filed under Fight Depression, Thinking..., What irks me

Falling in Love

What an interesting subject! One that comes with butterflies in your stomach, feeling of euphoria, and sleepless nights.falling_in_love-t2

Unfortunately, it also can come with heartache and, at times, a whole lot of pain, right? Lol

So – is it best to have loved completely and to have lost a love, than to have never loved at all?

I think it is.

Even with all the heartache and pain that it can sometimes come with! I think if we haven’t loved then we haven’t truly lived as life is full of risks, right?
So why not risk seeing if that person really is the one?

A sad fact is that some people fall into a deep Depression over losing their love, which is terrible. Unfortunately, you just can’t make someone love you.

Sometimes you can love someone for many years, and then one day something changes and you no longer feel the same way. Like I said it can be Depressing, painful, crushing and at times you may even feel there’s nothing worth living for. But the love you lost was still something beautiful that you were lucky to experience, right?   Would you have preferred to have not loved that person and not had those experiences with them if you had a crystal ball and could have seen it wasn’t going to last? Again a hard one. Because at the time you are so Depressed that the answer will always probably be, no, it wasn’t worth it! More than likely because we are too hurt to see anything else. Lets face it… No one wants to lose something they love, agreed? But again, at least you had that love and at that time for whatever the reason? it was the right love for you at that time.

Can love last forever and can we love more than once? I mean really love, not lust! Maybe our first love is our only true love and do we settle for second best from then on in?

Why do we always remember that first love? And now for a lot of us it can go way back to our school days. Remember, the boy you loved that didn’t know you existed! “Ouch” I do!!! Lol

I named my oldest son after my first love/crush on a boy that actually fell for my friend. I remember being devastated when they started dating and she wasn’t really fazed by him either way. Here I was, totally in teenage love and she was like, Meh whatever! Take him or leave him. Noooo you leave him and I’ll take him. 🙂 Guess what? It never happened. LMAO I only hope all these years later he found his true love and lived happily ever after, Not!!! Lol  Okay that’s mean, I take it back. Haha

We learn early that we can’t always get what we want…. Just like the song, right?

You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometimes well you just might find

You get what you need!! 🙂  Hey, ask Mick Jagger he knows. LMAO

People come and go from our lives; they touch our hearts and souls and then sometimes then leave us, for whatever the reason/reasons.  We cry, feel crushed and think there will never be a love like that one. Yet time heals everything and before you know it? Love has touched you again. Your world is once again shining. When you’re in love… You are impenetrable! And this is why when it leaves us, we fall apart! But, sometimes they have to leave us to make way for the one! Yes, that’s right – another one…. But this time this is The One!!

Because love will always feel like, The One!! 🙂

Therefore, I believe we are all in the right place and doing what we are supposed to be doing and no matter how painful and how many people we love and have lost? IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED THAN TO HAVE NOT LOVED AT ALL!

That person has helped mould you to the person you are today. Whether that be good… or bad.

We Love Learn And Grow!!

I’ll never stop loving because I want to know I’m alive! 🙂

Oohh and for reference in case your thinking I’ve fallen in love? Well, I have! It’s with the whole world, My blog family! Lol

So, do you think you can truly be in love more than once in your life? Or have you been one of the lucky ones and held onto that childhood sweetheart?

Love and hugs to you all. May you keep loving forever!

Hugs again, Paula xxxxx

image source

45 Comments

Filed under Fight Depression, What makes me happy

Sakura, my love

IMG_20130915_195347_592

sakura 004

sakura 005

sakura 006

I did a post about Sakura months ago and have been asked to post a photo of her many times since then.

So without further ado…. Here is the great love of my life!

Sakura is 10 in human years and is a very small cat. Although she’s a moggy cat she thinks she’s a pedigree. Lol

Her name means cherry blossom in Japanese. Her nicknames are Kura and Princess. No matter what time of the day or night I come home, 9 out of 10 times she’s half asleep waiting at the front door to greet me.

When I sleep she cuddles right into me like a teddy bear. Because I have insomnia and sleep apnea she can tell when my breathing changes and she nudges me to wake up. I’ve always found this sixth sense in animals incredible. If she feels I’ve neglected her, she goes to her toy box picks a toy out, then calls for me to play with her. And If I ignore her? Lordy… She just howls louder. She’s an inside cat and has never gone outside. The house I recently moved from was really large and she had plenty of space, so don’t feel sorry for her. However the house I am currently renting is only 3 bed 1 bathroom. Her old house was 5 bedrooms 3 bathrooms, but like the vet said – she’s older and more settled than when she was younger and wanting to  race from one end of the house to the other, up the stairs, down the stairs, up the stairs… You get the message. Lol

The vet tells me the space is sufficient and not to stress. So I’m not going to fret over it. 🙂

I also have 2 weiros (small parrots). I love birds so much – a good reason I don’t want her outside, being able to hunt and hill the native wildlife. Plus if she’s sleeping in my bed tucked under my arm? I don’t need birdie breath breathing on me. LMAO
Yet this is another thing I find fascinating – who likes morning breath? No one, right? But as I wake sometimes her nose is pressed right up against my mouth. Yikes!! At this point you’re probably cringing, right? Nonetheless I’ll continue… Hopefully without totally grossing you out. Lol. Now, no one else would do that without telling you to go brush your teeth, agreed? LMAO But to my princess… I’m mum and that smell is what tells her I’m mum. She can’t get close enough to me.

She loves my morning breath, my messy hair, my sexy elmo P.J’s. Lol. No matter what, she just loves me. Now, WHO WOULDN’T want someone like that in their lives? 🙂

She frequently follows me around like a puppy dog, waiting for me to finish whatever I’m doing as she’s dying to hop on my lap. The moment my laptop is on? She’s on my knee looking at the screen and following the letters. She does this until she can’t stay awake and then curls back up on my lap.

She is honestly like a child to me and brings so much joy to my world. If I’m down, and feeling low, and especially if I cry, she will smother with love… Almost as if she knows I have to smile and it’s her duty to make sure I do. It’s really peculiar, and makes me love her all the more.

With her in my life, I never feel completely alone. She loves me unconditionally, and I give the same back to her.

Maryanne, who I follow and vice versa, just lost her beloved Billy cat after 19 years. When she cried I cried for her as I can imagine the pain of losing something you have loved for so very long. My heart goes out to Maryanne and Dennis…. Love to you, Maryanne!

I know Sakura won’t live forever, so I cherish each and every day that I have her in my life.
As I type this, she’s watching on my knee. Lol

Do you have a pet that you adore like a child? A sweet little animal that loves you, morning breath and all?

sakura january 18th fooling around in clown room 031

sakura january 18th fooling around in clown room 029

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

62 Comments

Filed under What makes me happy

I love…

Move-300x225

I love sunshine, and how when it hits my face I feel alive and invigorated.

I love my family and friends, for they keep me strong and don’t allow me to fall down.

I love colour, for the world isn’t black and white.

I love to look at the ocean; it keeps me calm.

I love the garden because it keeps me close to nature.

I love butterflies for they look so graceful when they fly.

I love dancing, as it wakes my soul.

I love the moon and how I gaze in wonder.

I love Sakura for she is the great love of my life and brings me peace.

I love all people of all races and religion… We are all connected.

I love chocolate – it lifts dark clouds! 

I love watching children play and listening to their laughter. So innocent and free.

I love Game Of Thrones!! 🙂

I love travelling, But when that plane arrives back in Australia? That’s when I’m truly home.

I love today; the sun is shining!

I love our blogging family/community

Ohhh and I love Bourbon. Lol

What do you love?

Hugs to you all. Paula xxxxxooo

image credit

47 Comments

Filed under What makes me happy

My Own Bed

my sleepover bed

My Sleepover Bed

 

I’ve always had this thing where I’ve had to go back home to my own bed. I could be an hour away from home, but still I insist on returning to my own bed.

My husband didn’t really drink, so he was always the nominated driver. For me, being the drinker, this worked out well! 🙂

Now I’m single I’m really noticing how obsessed I am about having to sleep in my own bed. No no not already off in some stranger’s bed doing strange things with him. Or am I? LMAO

Meaning I go out to dinner, or out with friends. Everyone asks me to stay so I can have a few drinks and not lose my licence. Australia is huge on catching drunk drivers – and so they should be! But here the limit is 0.5 which can be 1, 2 or 3 drinks depending on what you’ve eaten, whether you normally drink alcohol etc. I’m small framed and a drinker, so I would say I’m the 2 drinks girl.

Recently, my mum suggested I sleep over. My brain went into panic mode – that “no no no… That’s not possible… retreat retreat!!!” Lol

But she convinced me to stay, so there I was. And it wasn’t that bad… Apart from the fact that I drafted this post at 4.30am!  Haha did I mention I’m a bad sleeper?!

Since then, I have been asked to sleep over at my brother’s place, and then a girlfriends… And of course said, no thank you!

But I am thinking about changing. Maybe I should have my going-away-from-home-stay-over-night-bag at the ready on occasion.  🙂 This way, I can relax and have a few drinks and look forward to the adventures of sleeping in foreign beds… Ooor maybe not sleeping! Lol

Now am I the only one that feels like this… Or are there others like me? Do you have to sleep in your own bed… No matter what??

Hugs to you all and Happy Sleeping!! 🙂

Paula xxxx

57 Comments

Filed under My experiences, What irks me

Depression Exists

angel

This post is in support of the people I follow – and also the people that follow me – who are suffering deeply with Depression right now:

For those out there that are struggling to cope with their Depression. You know who you are, and of course I would never mention any of you. But I want you to know that although you feel alone and people on WordPress aren’t in the physical world with you, they are there in spirit.
Keep reaching out, keep writing; write about everything. Especially, write about the ugliness that you are feeling. It needs to get out of your head and thrown into the universe. If we hold it all in something has to give, and it has the potential to lead to a breakdown.
I wish some of you could seek therapy. You would see just how free your mind and life can be. Someone to listen to you that’s not there to judge you… Just help you in any way they can to make you well again. However I understand how the prospect of therapy can be daunting/too difficult so I won’t push the point.

Depression isn’t pretty. It’s ugly, lonely, dark and cold. You don’t have to write that the world is beautiful. Let those that have more strength than you right now shine their light down onto you. Don’t push them away, reach out and take their hand. Even if it’s just for a short while. We all have to come up for air, then lay back down and try again tomorrow!

Reading some of your posts lately has taken all the strength and energy in me to not break down crying myself. Actually some of them I couldn’t help but shed a tear. It seems that there are so many of you struggling right now that I feel I have to write something in support for you all. I write now for you, and also for me – it helps to write, to get it out of my head.

I’ve been where you are now and I know what strength it takes to pull through. But you can do it. Believe in yourself. You are beautiful.

Baby steps. One day at a time. Suicidal thoughts and believing that you are ugly and useless are crippling. Don’t judge you by the way you say you look, judge by based on the beautiful soul that you are inside. I’ve said before there are some beautiful looking people in this world that are very ugly on the inside. Right now, the outside is just what’s protecting the beautiful you inside. Let go of all that hurt and the outside will soon start to sort itself out. Love it again and see what happens. I care very much about you and many others here on WordPress do to! Don’t let the Depression win. You are all worth fighting for, so fight back with great strength and courage.  Don’t let people put you down, even when they are family.  No one in this world is worthless, we all have a place and reason for being here. What that reason is… I don’t know. It’s up to all of us to learn that one ourselves.

I know it’s easier said than done… I really do! But I also know it can be done, because I did it.
I was lost in oblivion and never thought I would find my way back, but I did. And I really believe that you can too.
Find a reason. Just one reason. Find the reason that makes you get up every morning, and slowly the rest will fall into place.

There is no magical pill or cure. It’s about finding strength within ourselves and the belief that we are not failures, we  have just veered off our tracks. We can suffer Depression for all sorts of different reasons, but at the end of the day, we feel the same. We just want to be able to breath again without feeling like we’re drowning. Sometimes the tiredness outdoes the strength and willpower to get through. But you will find it, believe in you!! Remember, time heals everything.

Depression is REAL it’s not in your head. Fight it and never give up on YOU!

You deserve to be happy and to be loved just like every other human being out there. Don’t let anybody tell you any different!!

If I could teleport myself to each and everyone of you as I read your cries for help? I would. But that’s not possible, so all I can say, is I hear you and feel you. Stay connected with people in any way you feel you can. Don’t hide yourself away, you will only feel worse in the long run. I wish I had an answer for you all, but I don’t. All I can do is send you love.

Take care of you.

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxx

image source

41 Comments

Filed under Fight Depression