Getting Help

Hello my lovely bloggers,

Yep, I’ve been away from my blog way too much lately and was hoping to be back blogging this week.

Well, I am back – but not in a way I thought I would be. I went to see my psychiatrist today and we made the decision to admit me into hospital tomorrow morning (being yesterday, now). It’s not where I want to be but I have to be honest to my readers and to myself. And the truth is I just can’t make it alone right now. I kind of need a breather from life and need to get my head back down to earth and out of the hell it’s taking me into. I adore my sons, family, friends and the blogging community and this is the right course of action for me to be healthy. I’ve said it many times before that Bipolar is a tricky thing to live with, and sometimes there are things inside me that even I don’t understand why I’m feeling a certain way… I just am! There is a lot happening in my personal life and I suppose this doesn’t help the situation. I know life isn’t easy and there will always be good and bad days but this is different, this is the the time when you go “barleese! I can’t do this alone anymore I need help!”.  My doctor will play around with my medications to try and balance life out for me and I’m hopeful this will be just a few days.

Suicide is not the answer or an option so therefore I’m being responsible and getting the help I need. Perth Clinic is a lovely private psychiatric hospital and I’m fortunate that my ex-husband is still covering my health care otherwise the alternative would have been horrific for me. Our public psych hospital is definately not for the faint hearted.

Anyway, I shall be back as soon as life and Paula become one again. I urge anyone suffering in silence to seek professional help. It’s not a sign of weakness it’s a sign of courage to keep fighting the battle of the darkness to once again see and love the light.

To anyone suffering with deep Depression? Know that it is real and it DOES EXIST no matter what anyone tells you!! Seek help, reach out, shout, hell scream if you have to until someone listens to how your feeling. It’s real, it’s painful, it’s crushing, it’s lonely and believe me it’s like living in a hell. But don’t ever let it beat you!! Don’t say you don’t want to wake up tomorrow. Say you need to wake up tomorrow but need someone to stay close by you till tomorrow comes…  you can make it but not alone and not in silence! I urge you to just reach out.

Don’t isolate yourself it’s the worst thing to do. Just hang on until tomorrow and then try again. Trust me the people that truly love you will never give up on you or leave you alone if they know what’s really going on in that mind of yours. DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE.

And most of all?  know that you are loved by more people than you would ever know or realise. Get through today and see what tomorrow brings, it’s not easy but you can do it. Take care of you and know that there are people out here that care for you and haven’t even met you, but they know and understand your pain!

Many hugs to you all, Paula xxxx

image source

Depression Exists

Depression Exists:

Well I suppose a post about Depression has been looming, right? The joys of being Bipolar.

To say that I’m hating the world and life would be a lie. I love the world but at times life overwhelms me and I’m left dazed and confused. Remember I said I had everything when I was married but I felt I had nothing? Well, I suppose this is how I’m feeling…  Yet the truth is I don’t have everything anymore but I have more than most people do so I shouldn’t complain. But what I have learnt since leaving my husband is that although I was unhappy in my marriage, there’s something so deep inside me that I’m not sure I will ever be happy. It’s like if you had a can opener and opened me up you would find one big whirly mess! Hahaha actually I think opening any of us up would be a disaster. LMAO bad example, right? Haha

That’s the one saving grace that I always seem to keep and that’s my sense of humour. I laugh at life and at myself and try not to take too many things seriously.  If I did I would fall apart too often and I need to live in this world like everyone else and not have Bipolar define me as a person. We are more than our illness.

Depression is odd and the reason it’s such a lonely place is because we don’t like to let others in, because lets face it – we don’t want to be in there ourselves, so why drag you into oblivion with us? We need you to stay happy and give us hope that tomorrow really is another day… A better one! Get through today and deal with tomorrow as it comes. Baby steps is what I always say; get up, get dressed and you’re halfway there!

Some people who meet me can’t understand why I suffer with Depression when I look so happy. Easy my fellow bloggers? I lie to me and to you that all is well and that gives me strength to get through. Might sound a little odd to you but it really works for me. A person with Bipolar may not even know why today they are sad and feeling low, they just are! I suppose that’s when I have to admit defeat and accept I have a mental illness. You have no idea how much It pains me to write those words! Ask anyone with Bipolar and they will say the same, we just don’t know why? I suppose it is just in the genetic makeup of many of us. I think I prefer the days when I know what’s pulling me down because at least I can try to rationalise with whatever’s going on in Paula’s mind and hopefully/usually work through them, and then life becomes all sunshine and roses again…. Pink ones! Haha

The problem this time is that I’m struggling internally. I know that’s a bad thing because right now there’s a lot more than I can cope with, so with a little help/shove from a close friend 🙂  I have given in and made an appointment with my psychiatrist. I used to feel asking for help was a weakness and I hated that more than anything. But over time I’ve come to realise it’s not, it’s actually a good thing because we can let it all out in an environment where there will be no judgement… Just help, and the right kind of help at that!

Suicidal thoughts can plague the mind of someone with Bipolar when they think their world is falling apart. To an onlooker their world may be completely fine, but to us deep in our souls the devil is lurking and playing with our minds. So we have to fight back with all our strength and remember what beauty our world holds and how many people love us.

To all that may be suffering in silence right now? I urge you to seek help in any way that you can, for tomorrow really is another day. It will get better – it usually always does – but in the interim we have to deal with a little pain and suffering. Some things in life are just out of our control and it’s up to us how we pass the test the universe has given us. What we must never forget is that we deserve to be here and to be happy just like everyone else. Depression wins only if we let it, but it’s not cured overnight. It takes a great deal of strength and courage to fight it.  Be kind to yourself and don’t let today ruin your tomorrow for you will never know what could have been.  Stay strong, reach out, and trust those who love you to get you through the hard times, for they need you as much as you need them. Fight for the person you once were before the Depression took hold of you. And remember when you’re down they are down too and all they want is you back by their side.

I hug you all and thank you for being there through the good and the bad times I’ve had. Please don’t worry for me as this won’t pull me down, I refuse to let it. I find a reason to smile every day because this is what pulls me through. I’m just letting you into my Bipolar mind and how at times we must ask for help.

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

image source

Hello!

 

Hi there everyone, 🙂

Boy was the Christmas break full on with lots of things to do and plenty of drinking… Actually, too much drinking!

I put on about 2 kilos and are now thinking it’s about time to try and send them back to wherever it is they came from. I think they call it the the cake, chocolate, potato chip bourbon county? Not sure exactly where it is but I’m sure some of you have already had run-ins with this community. They love to leave you with a few kilos here and there and take no responsibility for it. I think i need to complain to their lord mayor, does anyone know his or her name?? Hahahaha

Okay I’ll be serious now. 🙂

As many of you know I come from Australia (Oz, or the land Down Under to some) but the city I live in is Perth, Western Australia. For those that don’t know, Sydney and Melbourne are on the East side which are much cooler States than Perth, yet Melbourne has been experiencing extremely high heats lately also! Our world is changing. 🙂 Now we recently had the Ashes (cricket) here and the poor guys had to play in 44 degrees Celsius. Let me tell you, that is scorching hot and not for the faint of heart. Now playing cricket in that and standing around for hours on end? Grueling!  I would take my hat off to them if I had one for their perseverance. And lets not forget their die hard fans that sat in that crowd cheering them on and showing their support.  I say well done to both the Aussies and the English team!! 🙂

A friend of mine took me last week to watch the 20/20 cricket game here at the WACA. Never before going to watch a game I was a little hesitant about what it would be like, but PEOPLE it was awesome!! So much fun and so exciting. The crowd were all so excited and pumped and I love the vibe and how they encourage the crowds to cheer their team on and how they play music in between the shots. It’s so cool and the game is so fast with heaps of 4’s and 6’s been hit into the crowds. If you’ve never been to one and get the opportunity to do so? I say go for it as you won’t regret it! Oh by the way Perth won over Adelaide by 5 runs, it was nail biting exciting stuff! Yet I don’t bite my nails. Hahaha

As for our weather here? It’s been hot hot hotter and then warm warm warm. Lol We have had some terrible fires that have left many homeless here in Perth but like all good cities the people have come out in their droves to support the needy in anyway they can. Losing your home would be horrific yet I still can’t help but feel for all the wildlife and domestic animals that don’t make it through these horrific fires. Just thinking about it makes you sad. Melbourne has also experienced some terrible fires lately. You know the bit that really grates on me? It’s when you find out that the fires have been lit deliberately. I know a lot of  these people are pyromaniacs and are very ill and are in need of help, but they truly have NO idea of the damage to so many lives they have ruined. They should be made to go and apologise to every single person they have affected and listen to their story and see the damage for themselves. Look in to the eyes  and see the pain and suffering they have inflicted to someone who more than likely never hurt another soul before and is now being punished for someone else’s stupidity! Then go into therapy and get help!!

And then the polar opposite to the other side of the world has been flooding storms and extremely cold temperatures. I suppose the whole world climates are changing and I don’t know if it’s to do with global warming or not, anyone have an opinion as to what’s going on in our beautiful world? 🙂 Would being kinder to our planet make a difference or is mother nature always going to have her way with Planet Earth, regardless? Hmmm the mind ponders so let’s see what you have to say?

I shall be off now so have a great week and many hugs to you all. Paula xxxxx

image source

5 Days till the big man in red comes!

Wow, 5 days people!

I know, some of you are going; “Shhh, I don’t want to know!” .

🙂

Well here is a little Christmas song for good cheer! Now lets all sing together. WordPress family that play together stay together, right? Hahahaha.

Have a great day, everyone!!

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

What a Year!

Hey, how’s life treating you all??

Wow, I’ve kind of neglected my blog lately and have been feeling really bad about that, SORRY!!! 🙂

I’ve had good days and bad days, rainbow days and every other kind of day you can think of. Some days I felt that if I wrote I would pull the world down with me, and other days I would have lifted you as high as the sky. I guess the benefits and downfalls of being Bipolar, right??    Lol

Can you believe another year has almost past us by again. Sometimes life just flows and you float along with it; other days, they pass so quickly you nearly miss them. This year has been an enormous rollercoaster ride of emotions for me. Depression – eat your heart out!! Lol You thought you could beat me but I beat you this time. If I was going to fall apart like I did a few years ago? Then this was the year it should have happened.

I separated from my husband, which was one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make. I left my home and farm and my beloved llamas (Teco and Margie). My son and his wife separated. I went to Melbourne for a funeral. My step dad is fighting cancer and someone dear to me wanted to commit suicide and it all tore me apart. I’ve been on the Queen Mary around New Zealand, and spent 5 weeks in the U.K. I’ve been to Victoria and Tasmania and seen nature at it’s best in Oz. I’ve cried and sat down on my kitchen floor and wondered how I would make it to the next day. I’ve asked the universe to give me strength and to help me get to the next day, without wanting to give in.  And I’ve pleaded with myself to have courage to fight the darkness that at times overwhelms me. So, this is the year I should have fallen apart… But I didn’t!

How did I make it? Well, I met someone that gave me the strength to believe in me and loved me for me, all of me the good and the bad. Who knows what will become of it but I believe everything happens for a reason and I needed this person to get me where I am right now and for that I am truly grateful. People come and go from our lives and touch us in many ways.  Sometimes they are hurtful ways, and sometimes they are so beautiful and you wonder how you lived without them. But I think the most important thing is to learn something from all of them. Life is full of experiences, good and bad. We have to breath in the good and exhale the bad until it controls us no more. I feel optimistic about the future and am looking forward to 2014.

I went to the beach recently and looked at the ocean and thought how calm and peaceful it looked. Yet I know there are days that nature thrashes against the shore and you get blown away. But the next day it’s all peaceful and beautiful again. I think this is what life is like. There will always be good and bad days and people who want to drag you down with them. But we need to stay grounded amidst the storms and not let other people’s disharmony pull us down. Those that don’t support you don’t deserve you in their lives.

Stand tall and proud and embrace your joy with those whom love and support you! Release the others with love and let them be on there way as they serve you no good.

So, as I sit here at my desk and write this, I thank the universe for giving me two sons that I adore. They are one of the main reasons I have for waking every single day. They have grown in to such beautiful young men and I feel that they make my world worthwhile. I see how they love their girlfriends and how happy they make them. As a mother, this makes my heart sing! To see your children in pain is crushing, but when they are smiling laughing and telling jokes? Ahhh it’s so precious and you can’t help but smile and be in awe of them.

I saw a man recently begging for money. He said he had no power, food etc. I stopped and talked to him and gave him some money. I don’t care if he was not telling the truth. Why? because no one does that if they are happy and living an okay life. Only people that feel as if it’s there only option turn to begging. If that’s their only source of income then I believe I should help in any way I can. I’m not saying everyone else should, I’m just saying that’s how I feel about it.

So to me this is a good year – yes things have been hard, but I’m not on the streets having to beg and wonder where my next meal is coming from.  At this time of year, people in less fortunate positions deserve so much compassion.  Those alone that have nothing, No family friends or anyone to turn to for comfort.

So Paula hugs you all, and I hope that you too have found a peace in yourself and can let the past be the past, and start to look forward to a much brighter and happier 2014!

You, the blogging family/community, have helped me get through this year in more ways than one. You have allowed me to express my feelings and throw them into cyberspace where I have had nothing but full support throughout the year. You are all truly amazingly beautiful people and I adore each one of you. After blogging for sometime now you start to get little images of what you think your regular followers look like etc. So Yes, i’m talking to you and you and you and you! Yes You!! Lol  I can’t help but laugh as Sakura just looked at me as if I’m crazy! 🙂

I have images of all of you and they are all good images of great people I admire and respect, and I enjoy getting to know you all through your blogs and mine. You truly are like a little extended family to me. From all races and walks of life we all come together as one, and this is the magic of our WordPress family! I am more open here with you than I am to those around me in the real world. I say thank goodness for WordPress and it’s co- founders. 🙂

What have I learnt this year? Well, we can’t ever change the past but we can seek out the future happiness we all so desire and deserve.

I thank every single one of you that have come to my site and touched my heart with your kindness. You have picked me up, when even I didn’t know how I would get there. You are all incredibly beautiful people who have been generous with your love and support and I hug all of you for it! 🙂

Next year I plan to share a lot more of my life through photos, video posts and basically let you into all the mundane things life has to offer along with all the great things. Hell, I’ll even tell you what coffee I drink, as long as you tell me what your is?? Lol

Love to you all, Paula xxxxx

image source

What Is Hypomania To Me!

This is kind of a strange rambling0-type of post. Lol.

 

You know the days when you wake and just wish you hadn’t. You just want to start the day again. Well this happens to nearly everyone, right?

But when you have Bipolar this can be hourly, daily, weekly, yearly, etc. etc. You get the message.

So when you hear someone with Bipolar talk about Hypomania, it can sound quite strange and stressful for those around us; and hard to understand what it actually means.

So let me explain what it’s like for me:

 

…Now I’m not generalising everyone with Bipolar, it’s what I experience!

I personally find it uplifting, very energising, draining and especially TIRING, all in one!

During this time I’m way more productive and positive, what’s difficult for those around us is that they find us hard to keep up with and can barely shut us up.

Loads of thoughts, plans, ideas, etc.  If you’re the arty type, it can be a very creative time as well. The problem is, you don’t get why those around you can’t keep up… and they seem less than enthusiastic. Lol!

When this happens, a person experiencing this can find sleeping very, very difficult; in fact you get very little sleep. Your mind is racing at million miles an hour and sleep just isn’t on the agenda.

You could almost liken it to someone taking speed, yet its free and you have no real control over it. I could laugh and joke all day and night long and still be smiling the next morning. Someone could easily excite me at this point almost like hyping up a child and then trying to put them to bed. Well guess what, It doesn’t work no matter how much you will it.

You just can’t shut down and go to sleep.

And If you have any yeah-bute plans in life? I will be your biggest fan pushing you and motivating you.
At first you will love it and love that someone will listen so enthusiastically and have so many ideas. But where is the off switch you say?  Hmmm even I don’t know this one! Lol.

It may not sound bad and probably could be a good thing, right? But, Nooooo!!!! I won’t let you sleep either!! I’ll still be thinking of ideas that you should  use or do to get to where you want to be.

It’s like there’s no off button and you will have to keep changing channels to find where I’m at.

But, like all things in life… What goes up – Must come down! 

This is the horrible part: You’ve been flying high and living on little sleep and going and going till… Bang! Down you come falling into the darkness.

Depression is easy to fall into at this point of time. You’re exhausted mentally and physically.

Now I’m only talking about myself, yet I know many with Bipolar will understand this and have had similar experiences.
What I’ve learnt from this is to kind of monitor myself beforehand. Meaning,  there is usually little tale tale things that after spending time with me you can see I’m becoming excitable and not sleeping very well before the Hypomania starts to take over.

The fall from grace comes quite quickly and you can land with a thud! During this time I tend to withdraw from those around me, usually the closest people that love me and vice versa. Maybe I do it because I don’t want them to see how smiling is nearly impossible. You see if they see this…they worry, but to me it’s my way of coping and trying to balance life back out. Suicidal thoughts can play with my mind and I  start to think life is just too hard and I’m too tired to keep fighting for it.

I start doubting myself and those around me and wonder who really loves me for me…all of me, the good and the bad. The only way I can explain it is it’s like self sabotage; you hear everyone around you but you start to look for hidden messages in what they are saying to you… Truth be told they aren’t saying anything, it’s just you that’s driving you down a very negative path. I think I become very insecure and it’s easier to withdrawal and say nothing than to say what am truly thinking. My thoughts are deep and dark and I very really let anyone into them. I smile and wonder who can really sees the real me? The me that’s falling apart and crying on the inside. But,I don’t think anyone can.

It’s a strange thing to explain and really only those that experience it can really understand where your coming from.

I could never hurt anyone in life, but I’m the one I hurt the most. Childhood memories and bad experiences plague my mind during this time.

So this is Hypomania to me and if you are like me? I hug you and encourage you to keep fighting the darkness.
Take a deep look at nature and remember the beauty the world has given us and the life we have been given. It wasn’t given to us for us to take it away.

One day at a time.

Embrace the good days and breathe through the bad.

Keep smiling and stay strong. 🙂

Love and many hugs to our blogging family/community.

Paula xxxxx

Mental Illness

Mental Illness. Instantly, this phrase can make someone nervous.

Why do you think it’s still like this in the 21st century?

We all know some of the obvious reasons – for example, the way mental illness is portrayed in many Hollywood movies. One Who Flew over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Black Swan, Sucker Punch, Girl, Interrupted; Fight Club… The list goes on.

But isn’t it talked about more often and people are more open than was once the case? I wonder, what makes someone scared? Maybe they think the person with schizophrenia is going to come at them with a knife because they saw it once on the news? Or maybe they will become some kind of poltergeist and their head will start spinning? How far from the truth! I imagine they just want you to treat them like everyone else. Imagine how hard the diagnosis alone is? And then for someone to be segregated as a result of that diagnosis?? Wow, how crushing!!

What about the Depressed person, who you think is always moaning and down. Why not put your arms around them and let them know that you’re there if they need you. Don’t try to avoid them; maybe just listen to what they have to say… Not just wait for them to finish and run away, but really listen! Sometimes that’s all someone needs. They aren’t failures or losers because they’re Depressed. Depression is very real and it’s not in their heads. If they could make it go away, they would! They want to laugh and smile again just like everyone else. They are lost and broken and need someone to help get them back on track. Whether that be by therapy, medication, love and understanding, or all of them…. Whichever the case they will get there with your love and support. You know anyone can be caught in the stronghold of depression at some point in their lives. Your one gesture of love and understanding? It can change their whole day and world! Show them love and kindness. Everyone needs love and understanding, right?

It baffles me that some members of society still judge this way. I suppose there are those that suffer greatly and at times have to be hospitalised and stabilised as a result of their mental illness, but usually this is a result of someone stopping their medication/s, or that they just need their prescriptions adjusted. I suppose when someone witnesses these turns, it frightens them and I can understand that, but again a little bit of love and understanding goes a hell of a long way to helping their recovery.

Lets take the word Normal. Can someone please explain what that means?? Not what the dictionary says, but what in REAL LIFE does this word mean?

What you think is Normal another person doesn’t! So, who is right and who is wrong?

Bipolar Disorder – You know one minute we are flying high and no one can touch us, next we come crashing down and need someone with big hearts and open arms to catch us. Sometimes we don’t see the fall until it’s too late. That’s when the climb back up to the top can be exhausting. We become our biggest enemy. Everyday we have to find something to smile about or we drown. We are just like you, but some days we stumble and need love and understand to get us back up.

OCD-Obsessive Compulsive Disorder this can be so debilitating for so many people. Yet some people make fun of this. But why? Have they had it? Do they even understand the trauma the person goes through on daily basis? They know it’s not NORMAL, but they can’t help it. It’s what makes them feel normal!

Take Anxiety Disorder, it’s crippling and yet anyone can be caught in its grip at some point in their lives. Very successful people can suffer with this. In no way does the label define the person. Breathing is like hyperventilating and you feel that you are going to pass out. Or worse, you shallow breathe and feel like you’re drowning in your own breath. You’re looking for the positives but all you see is negativity. A mole hill becomes a mountain of Everest proportions! You try to get a hold of it and then it just pulls you back down. Again, people just need your understanding and compassion.

Now this is a tricky one: Anorexia/Bulimia The things these people suffer in their daily lives are horrendous. The way they see themselves can make you cry. I’ve had both of these in my life and let me tell you, they are crippling! They/we do not see what you see. Why do magazines glorify us human beings? We aren’t perfect so why are we always looking for perfection in our bodies. We are attracted to all sorts of different body shapes, right? So, why do we think slim and perfect is the answer? Where does this come from? Even to this day as small framed as I am… I dislike my body. Actually that’s an understatement!!  It’s wrong and I know that, but trying to get this one in my head is like extracting a tooth! 🙂 Beauty is but skin deep, so how does this happen?

You know there are so many disorders out there – these are just some that people face daily.

Please don’t be afraid of what you don’t understand. These people are Normal. They just struggle at times and need your love and understanding. Not anyone’s judgement.

To all those out there that suffer with any kind of Mental Illness? I reach out and hug all of you and understand your daily struggles. We are a lot stronger  than people realise. We fight our demons every day and somehow pull through. Maybe your faith gets you through or the love and support of family and friends. Whatever the case may be, we get there. Be proud of who and what you are and what you have achieved. Never compare your achievements to another, as there will always be those greater, as well as those less fortunate. Stay strong and believe in you, for you are a beautiful soul and deserved to be loved and respected like every other human being.

Remember WE ARE  like everyone else and just want to be accepted for who we are. Our diagnosis DOES NOT define us as a person.

We can only hope it helps others understand, that some days we will struggle. And if we fall? Give us a helping hand and we will get back up and try again tomorrow. You know just that little bit of help love and understanding from those around us? We can get there! Maybe not to what you think is normal, but to what’s achievable and realistic to us. Just love us for who we are and we will love you back as you are!

I really do love our blog family/community and to you all, I for one appreciate the love understanding and friendship that you all have shown me and to those in need here on WordPress!

You have no idea how much you make a difference. That one gesture of love and understanding you show, can make that persons day and life a whole lot brighter!

WORDS ARE POWERFUL!!

Love and hugs to the whole community! Let’s not be afraid of what we don’t understand.

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

image source

Sakura, my love

I did a post about Sakura months ago and have been asked to post a photo of her many times since then.

So without further ado…. Here is the great love of my life!

Sakura is 10 in human years and is a very small cat. Although she’s a moggy cat she thinks she’s a pedigree. Lol

Her name means cherry blossom in Japanese. Her nicknames are Kura and Princess. No matter what time of the day or night I come home, 9 out of 10 times she’s half asleep waiting at the front door to greet me.

When I sleep she cuddles right into me like a teddy bear. Because I have insomnia and sleep apnea she can tell when my breathing changes and she nudges me to wake up. I’ve always found this sixth sense in animals incredible. If she feels I’ve neglected her, she goes to her toy box picks a toy out, then calls for me to play with her. And If I ignore her? Lordy… She just howls louder. She’s an inside cat and has never gone outside. The house I recently moved from was really large and she had plenty of space, so don’t feel sorry for her. However the house I am currently renting is only 3 bed 1 bathroom. Her old house was 5 bedrooms 3 bathrooms, but like the vet said – she’s older and more settled than when she was younger and wanting to  race from one end of the house to the other, up the stairs, down the stairs, up the stairs… You get the message. Lol

The vet tells me the space is sufficient and not to stress. So I’m not going to fret over it. 🙂

I also have 2 weiros (small parrots). I love birds so much – a good reason I don’t want her outside, being able to hunt and hill the native wildlife. Plus if she’s sleeping in my bed tucked under my arm? I don’t need birdie breath breathing on me. LMAO
Yet this is another thing I find fascinating – who likes morning breath? No one, right? But as I wake sometimes her nose is pressed right up against my mouth. Yikes!! At this point you’re probably cringing, right? Nonetheless I’ll continue… Hopefully without totally grossing you out. Lol. Now, no one else would do that without telling you to go brush your teeth, agreed? LMAO But to my princess… I’m mum and that smell is what tells her I’m mum. She can’t get close enough to me.

She loves my morning breath, my messy hair, my sexy elmo P.J’s. Lol. No matter what, she just loves me. Now, WHO WOULDN’T want someone like that in their lives? 🙂

She frequently follows me around like a puppy dog, waiting for me to finish whatever I’m doing as she’s dying to hop on my lap. The moment my laptop is on? She’s on my knee looking at the screen and following the letters. She does this until she can’t stay awake and then curls back up on my lap.

She is honestly like a child to me and brings so much joy to my world. If I’m down, and feeling low, and especially if I cry, she will smother with love… Almost as if she knows I have to smile and it’s her duty to make sure I do. It’s really peculiar, and makes me love her all the more.

With her in my life, I never feel completely alone. She loves me unconditionally, and I give the same back to her.

Maryanne, who I follow and vice versa, just lost her beloved Billy cat after 19 years. When she cried I cried for her as I can imagine the pain of losing something you have loved for so very long. My heart goes out to Maryanne and Dennis…. Love to you, Maryanne!

I know Sakura won’t live forever, so I cherish each and every day that I have her in my life.
As I type this, she’s watching on my knee. Lol

Do you have a pet that you adore like a child? A sweet little animal that loves you, morning breath and all?

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

I love…

I love sunshine, and how when it hits my face I feel alive and invigorated.

I love my family and friends, for they keep me strong and don’t allow me to fall down.

I love colour, for the world isn’t black and white.

I love to look at the ocean; it keeps me calm.

I love the garden because it keeps me close to nature.

I love butterflies for they look so graceful when they fly.

I love dancing, as it wakes my soul.

I love the moon and how I gaze in wonder.

I love Sakura for she is the great love of my life and brings me peace.

I love all people of all races and religion… We are all connected.

I love chocolate – it lifts dark clouds! 

I love watching children play and listening to their laughter. So innocent and free.

I love Game Of Thrones!! 🙂

I love travelling, But when that plane arrives back in Australia? That’s when I’m truly home.

I love today; the sun is shining!

I love our blogging family/community

Ohhh and I love Bourbon. Lol

What do you love?

Hugs to you all. Paula xxxxxooo

image credit

Depression Exists

When I first started this blog I had no real idea who or if anyone would read it.

I don’t think I’m unique in that thought… I think a great deal of bloggers start out with that in the back of their minds.

To me, I used it as a form of therapy – kind of like emptying my treasure chest, only the whole world was able to see in it!

At first that kind of scared me, and then I just started writing and after time realised that I was becoming lighter, and the chest was slowly being emptied. And for whatever the reason, I no longer worried who would be reading my life. In part because I realised the blogging community as a whole are very nurturing, caring people.

The people I follow and vice versa have become like extended family to me. I’m from a huge family, so I don’t say this out of desperation; I say it because I mean it!  🙂

Okay, back to that chest. Now this chest was pretty full, so by no means does that mean I’m done. Lol

But life is getting easier and accepting me, and all the other parts to Paula, is becoming easier to understand. Being Bipolar is no excuse for me to not lead a quality life like everyone else. Naturally I’m going to have the odd hurdle (or 2 or 3) that I have to make sure I can clear, but I can and will keep doing it. Depression is another strange thing to live with. I’ve come to accept that it’s kind of like a friendship that has to be nurtured. I need to love respect and care for it. Because when I don’t? It will let me down and turn it’s back on me until once again I’m showing it the love and understanding it needs.

Before I leave you all, I just want to send my love to those that I wrote my last post about. You all have shown great strength and courage to trying to find your way back to happiness. It will happen and there will be days you fall down, but get up and try again tomorrow. I hug you all, as I think hugging the world is good for the soul. Love and respect everyone and they will love you back. Hold no racism or prejudice and see how easy it is to love everyone! I’ve said it many many times…We all bleed the same colour, right?

I thank each and everyone of you that have supported and inspired me on this journey of finding out who Paula is.

Today we have had sunshine and my world is shining, I hope yours is too. xx

Love and hugs to you all. Paula xxxxx

Image Credit