What Is Hypomania To Me!

This is kind of a strange rambling0-type of post. Lol.

 

You know the days when you wake and just wish you hadn’t. You just want to start the day again. Well this happens to nearly everyone, right?

But when you have Bipolar this can be hourly, daily, weekly, yearly, etc. etc. You get the message.

So when you hear someone with Bipolar talk about Hypomania, it can sound quite strange and stressful for those around us; and hard to understand what it actually means.

So let me explain what it’s like for me:

 

…Now I’m not generalising everyone with Bipolar, it’s what I experience!

I personally find it uplifting, very energising, draining and especially TIRING, all in one!

During this time I’m way more productive and positive, what’s difficult for those around us is that they find us hard to keep up with and can barely shut us up.

Loads of thoughts, plans, ideas, etc.  If you’re the arty type, it can be a very creative time as well. The problem is, you don’t get why those around you can’t keep up… and they seem less than enthusiastic. Lol!

When this happens, a person experiencing this can find sleeping very, very difficult; in fact you get very little sleep. Your mind is racing at million miles an hour and sleep just isn’t on the agenda.

You could almost liken it to someone taking speed, yet its free and you have no real control over it. I could laugh and joke all day and night long and still be smiling the next morning. Someone could easily excite me at this point almost like hyping up a child and then trying to put them to bed. Well guess what, It doesn’t work no matter how much you will it.

You just can’t shut down and go to sleep.

And If you have any yeah-bute plans in life? I will be your biggest fan pushing you and motivating you.
At first you will love it and love that someone will listen so enthusiastically and have so many ideas. But where is the off switch you say?  Hmmm even I don’t know this one! Lol.

It may not sound bad and probably could be a good thing, right? But, Nooooo!!!! I won’t let you sleep either!! I’ll still be thinking of ideas that you should  use or do to get to where you want to be.

It’s like there’s no off button and you will have to keep changing channels to find where I’m at.

But, like all things in life… What goes up – Must come down! 

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This is the horrible part: You’ve been flying high and living on little sleep and going and going till… Bang! Down you come falling into the darkness.

Depression is easy to fall into at this point of time. You’re exhausted mentally and physically.

Now I’m only talking about myself, yet I know many with Bipolar will understand this and have had similar experiences.
What I’ve learnt from this is to kind of monitor myself beforehand. Meaning,  there is usually little tale tale things that after spending time with me you can see I’m becoming excitable and not sleeping very well before the Hypomania starts to take over.

The fall from grace comes quite quickly and you can land with a thud! During this time I tend to withdraw from those around me, usually the closest people that love me and vice versa. Maybe I do it because I don’t want them to see how smiling is nearly impossible. You see if they see this…they worry, but to me it’s my way of coping and trying to balance life back out. Suicidal thoughts can play with my mind and I  start to think life is just too hard and I’m too tired to keep fighting for it.

I start doubting myself and those around me and wonder who really loves me for me…all of me, the good and the bad. The only way I can explain it is it’s like self sabotage; you hear everyone around you but you start to look for hidden messages in what they are saying to you… Truth be told they aren’t saying anything, it’s just you that’s driving you down a very negative path. I think I become very insecure and it’s easier to withdrawal and say nothing than to say what am truly thinking. My thoughts are deep and dark and I very really let anyone into them. I smile and wonder who can really sees the real me? The me that’s falling apart and crying on the inside. But,I don’t think anyone can.

It’s a strange thing to explain and really only those that experience it can really understand where your coming from.

I could never hurt anyone in life, but I’m the one I hurt the most. Childhood memories and bad experiences plague my mind during this time.

So this is Hypomania to me and if you are like me? I hug you and encourage you to keep fighting the darkness.
Take a deep look at nature and remember the beauty the world has given us and the life we have been given. It wasn’t given to us for us to take it away.

One day at a time.

Embrace the good days and breathe through the bad.

Keep smiling and stay strong. 🙂

Love and many hugs to our blogging family/community.

Paula xxxxx

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49 Comments

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49 responses to “What Is Hypomania To Me!

  1. Thank you for sharing, Paula. One day at time, it will be eventually controlled. At least you very aware of the symptoms and conditions. I can only imagine what’s going on with you and I have a fair idea. My brother is in the same boat. More controlled now due to medications. Medication is a big help. God Bless. Perpetua.

    • Morning Perpetua,
      🙂
      Medication helps for sure and without it I just don’t sleep. It doesn’t help having sleep apnea and insomnia. I have a tendency to fight my medication, so I’ve been told. 🙂 But when I relax and just go with the flow? Ahhh peace and quiet with some sleep! Fingers crossed anyway. Lol Have a great weekend, Perpetua! Love and hugs to you, Paula xxx

    • melanie

      @Perpetua, medication may be of big help, but… it works much better with associated therapy.

      • Of course and much more.

      • So true, I need both. hugs to you both for your understanding. xxx

      • melanie

        @”I have a tendency to fight my medication, so I’ve been told…” – quite possible, PLEASE be very careful with the side effects, dear Paula… all these drugs are ironically called “happiness pills”, and some of them might have effects completely opposite-different from the initial one, so utmost attention, vigilance and caution!

      • I am very cautious, Melanie. I wrote a post about Decreasing Medication some time back. I never promote anyone to stop their meds without consulting a Dr, but I knew I couldn’t keep taking the amount of drugs they once had me on! I gave in with Seroquel as it brings me the peace I need in order to get by and survive. I really dislike medication and all it represents but sometimes you have to do what keeps your mind and body healthy. I hug you for your concern. xxxoxoxx

  2. yourmumknowsbest

    Thank you for this thought provoking post, it is a very good insight to how you feel, you should try not to withdraw from those who love you, they love you because you are you “all of you” so be brave on those bad days. My friend suffers like you and on those bad days does her mundane tasks like cleaning her car she says it takes her mind off things
    Hope today is better

    • I suppose I’ve always pushed the people I love away during this time. I don’t mean to. I know they love me but at the time I don’t love me,and then I wonder why they do? Truth be told it’s them I want to hug me and reassure me I’m going to be okay. But another side to me won’t allow them to get close. Hard to explain. You say your friend has Bipolar, so I’m sure you’ve witnessed this in some form. The mundane things help quieten my mind ,so I understand this also! I tend to vacuum. Don’t laugh because it really works! Lol 🙂 As for being brave? Ohhh I’m so not, but when push comes to shove, I have a very brave side to my personality.
      Thanks for your honesty and commenting. Today is a much better day, thank you! Hugs Paula xxxx

  3. Paula, it is so good to hear that you know what to watch out for and that you take care of yourself. It seems that everyone has some sort of battle they are fighting; it is wise to be as informed as possible concerning our ‘enemy’. My enemy has been joint pain – so I am learning to be moderate.

    Blessings ~ Wendy

    • Good Morning, Wendy-Lee! 🙂
      I think we all have battles we fight in one way or another to. Like alcoholism, drugs,anxiety,phobias, insecurities,childhood memories etc. But once we know what our enemy is we can then look at ways at trying to fix and heal the situation. It’s never an easy road but it’s amazing what love and a bit of understanding can do to someone suffering. Support is invaluable.

      Joint pain? I so feel for you. My brother had a car accident many years ago and was left with joint pain. One day he’s fine and then if he overdoes things? Wow, he’s in agony! Because people can’t see pain they don’t always sympathise. But I know what it’s like to feel pain and no one see. I hug you and I’m glad you’re learning to take things easy. I know it’s not easy when your mind thinks it can do more than your body. Love to you and your family. Hugs Paula xxxxxooo

    • Hey Domenia, lovely to hear from you. 🙂
      I hope life is treating you kindly and that your well! Thanks for understanding. have a great weekend and hugs to you, Paula xxxx

  4. melanie

    Good mornin’ from France, dear Paula aka sweet Aussie koala! 🙂

    @”wonder who really loves me for me…all of me, the good and the bad…”
    I’ll be quite brief: we truly love someone the way he/she is, ’cause if you ask or want him/her to change, it means that you don’t really love the person!
    – – –
    bon courage, stay “cool” and strong on the barricades of life – for yourself and for all the people who love you deeply as you are… friendly thoughts & hugs…<3

    • Ohhh Melanie, You brought tears to my eyes, in a happy way! So when someone loves me deeply, they really love me? You make me so happy, Melanie. To know someone loves me deeply just as I am can be so hard to accept. Life is hopeful and that’s all I need to smile. I hug you and thank you. Paula xxxxxx

  5. such an inspirational and encouraging post lovely…… congrats to you for your braveness and we all loves’ ya sunshine butter-cups 😉 xxx

  6. Thanks for explaining this condition so succinctly, Paula. Great advice to fellow sufferers. Hugs to you. xx

    • Hi sylvia, Thank you! 🙂
      It’s not easy to explain but I did my best. Sometimes people are afraid of what they don’t understand, so I hope this helps? even if it’s just a little bit!
      Hope you had a great weekend. It’s late and I must go shower, I really don’t like bed time and especially sleeping alone! Lol Nite and have a great week. Hugs Paula xxxx

  7. Rambling posts are good. Once again I enjoy the insight into your nature and thoughts…it is very intimate and something which I like very much when getting to know my awesome blogger friends. Perhaps another bourbon would make things even more of a blast! xx

    • Hey, how’s things? 🙂

      Scary hey! now you see what’s in my head and why Paula is a bad sleeper. Lol
      As for the bourbon? Its never far away, another downside to Paula. Yet I’m a happy drinker, never aggressive! When I go out on Friday night with some of my friends? I’ll have a drink for you! 🙂

      Have a great day, hugs Paula xxx

  8. My son who is currently diagnosed with COS (childhood onset schizophrenia), but we believe he actually has Schizo-affect disorder, has some similar symptoms. He is only 13 but there are times he stays up all night and throughout the next day. He will talk excessively and seems to have a boundless amount of energy. We find if we ask him politely if perhaps we could have a small break in the non-stop talking department, he grows frustrated and continues to talk regardless.

    How do you feel that we could help or guide our son through these times in a positive manner? We don’t want him to feel as though we don’t care or that we want to suppress his limitless energy in a negative way, but my husband and I also need rest during these times.

    • Ive been across to your log and read a little about your son. 🙂
      Brave boy and not an easy life he has been given, or you and your husband.

      During the chatter it will be nearly impossible for him to stop. Being Bipolar is very similar to what your son experiences during these times. I learnt the piano younger and whilst I dont play now, it helped so much during my youth to have an outlet. Any music instrument especially electric guitar for teenage boys. :). Your probably freaking out saying, Noooo too noisy!! Lol Talk with him and see, as this could be his outlet during the stressful times and give him something to look forward to.
      Some people like crafts, writing/poetry, drawing etc. My experience with boys would go with the Guitar!
      Your a wonderful mother and I know your is light in all darkness. Wishing your husband and son great strength and courage. Hugs Paula xxx

      • Silly word correction…Blog! Lol
        Don’t forget whilst an electric guitar is noisy? You can buy ear phones and he can practice in his room when he cant settle. It truly saved me many times from drowning in my own thoughts. Huge hug to you. Paula xxx
        P.S piano is too noisy unless you buy an electric one! Good luck. X

  9. This is really interesting. Thanks for posting. I had always wondered about it.

    • Hi. Hopefully it helped you understand just that little bit more. I suppose you as a therapist, have a txt book understanding, but life isn’t that black and white. I love your blog and the way you support women
      Hope your having a great day, hugs Paula xxx

  10. Dear Paula, thank you for sharing with us, I think I can understand you. But I will repeat my thoughts about drugs… as dear Melanie… But of course I can’t say stop to take them. The mind doesn’t stop and doesn’t let to sleep…. This is really problem… Yoga, have you tried it, there are so nice meditations… Thank you dear Paula, love and hugs, nia

    • Beautiful Nia, like i did with Melanie, I thank you and hug you so much for your support and concern. 🙂
      My mum taught me to meditate many years ago as she’s very spiritual and knows how much meditation helps calm the mind. 🙂
      Medication, breathing exercises and therapy all go hand in hand. Medication is something unfortunately that I need in order to live a balanced life. In saying that I only take 1 tablet these days along with the 2 other things I just mentioned, as I’ve learned to control parts to my personality. Again I hug you and thank you. Love to you, Nia. Paula xxxxx

    • Mélanie

      Thanx, Nia… hugs! Mélanie

  11. Thanks for sharing! I have a Bipolar friend in Canada and I am quite similar with the symptoms. Sometimes I think I am also Bipolar, but my ups and downs are not that extreme. And my downs are always during my period, which might be the explanation:) Medication works wonders with my depression, I will soon write an entry about life on happy pills. It is not that terrible and many people think. After all, just like you said above, we must keep our body healthy.

    • Its true, Lavinia. 🙂
      I fought against medication for years and tried just the breathing exercises, therapy and exercise in general along with a healthy eating plan. Problem is Bipolar comes with all sorts of things and one of them for me is a binge type personality. What works today might not tomorrow. Seroquel quietens the constant chatter in my brain and helps control the suicidal thoughts. I think if we can decrease the amount of medication we are prescribed and still be healthy? Then thats a beautiful thing. 🙂
      The best medicine I’ve ever come across in life Lavinia? Happy positive people around me. We all need to do what keeps us going and sane. BTW: Some people cycle with Bipolar, meaning they can go up and down all day long. Its horrific for them and without medication many wouldn’t survive.
      Anti depressents just make me worse. We all have a different path and need to find what works for us individually. So happy London is working out for you. Hugs Paula xxx

  12. Thank you for sharing, Paula. Great information to those who are not aware…

    • Thank you! 🙂
      Awareness is very important when it comes to mental illness. Hopefully by posting this it helps those that have loved ones in the same situation understand there not alone.
      Feeling alone hopeless etc is such a common feeling for people with a mental illness. I write because I want them to know they aren’t alone and what they are feeling is very real. But in saying that, life isn’t hopeless, its hopeful! We need to stay as positive and optimistic as we can. We only get one shot at life and therefore we have to stay the course. If we fall down? Its hard to get back up. People like yourself make me very happy for your constant support and understanding. If all of society was like this? People with a mental illness wouldn’t feel so isolated. So, I hug you for that. Paula xxx

  13. Thanks for sharing, Paula. It is such an encouraging post for others with the same symptoms. Hope you are feeling better today. Though it is difficult to remember this during depression, your dear ones love you unconditionally. Take care. Hugs, Kiran.

    • Hi Kiran, I really appreciate your support and comment. When i come back down, and fall into Depression this one is really hard to believe. I so know they do but something in me stops me from letting them in. I’m working really hard on this one. :).
      Today a great day. Hugs Paula xxx

  14. from me to you, Paula: John Mamann – Love Life ft. Kika… 🙂 hugs…<3

  15. Thanks for sharing your blog info with us about the pets

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