Depression Exists

sad-angelDepression Exists:

Well I suppose a post about Depression has been looming, right? The joys of being Bipolar.

To say that I’m hating the world and life would be a lie. I love the world but at times life overwhelms me and I’m left dazed and confused. Remember I said I had everything when I was married but I felt I had nothing? Well, I suppose this is how I’m feeling…  Yet the truth is I don’t have everything anymore but I have more than most people do so I shouldn’t complain. But what I have learnt since leaving my husband is that although I was unhappy in my marriage, there’s something so deep inside me that I’m not sure I will ever be happy. It’s like if you had a can opener and opened me up you would find one big whirly mess! Hahaha actually I think opening any of us up would be a disaster. LMAO bad example, right? Haha

That’s the one saving grace that I always seem to keep and that’s my sense of humour. I laugh at life and at myself and try not to take too many things seriously.  If I did I would fall apart too often and I need to live in this world like everyone else and not have Bipolar define me as a person. We are more than our illness.

Depression is odd and the reason it’s such a lonely place is because we don’t like to let others in, because lets face it – we don’t want to be in there ourselves, so why drag you into oblivion with us? We need you to stay happy and give us hope that tomorrow really is another day… A better one! Get through today and deal with tomorrow as it comes. Baby steps is what I always say; get up, get dressed and you’re halfway there!

Some people who meet me can’t understand why I suffer with Depression when I look so happy. Easy my fellow bloggers? I lie to me and to you that all is well and that gives me strength to get through. Might sound a little odd to you but it really works for me. A person with Bipolar may not even know why today they are sad and feeling low, they just are! I suppose that’s when I have to admit defeat and accept I have a mental illness. You have no idea how much It pains me to write those words! Ask anyone with Bipolar and they will say the same, we just don’t know why? I suppose it is just in the genetic makeup of many of us. I think I prefer the days when I know what’s pulling me down because at least I can try to rationalise with whatever’s going on in Paula’s mind and hopefully/usually work through them, and then life becomes all sunshine and roses again…. Pink ones! Haha

The problem this time is that I’m struggling internally. I know that’s a bad thing because right now there’s a lot more than I can cope with, so with a little help/shove from a close friend 🙂  I have given in and made an appointment with my psychiatrist. I used to feel asking for help was a weakness and I hated that more than anything. But over time I’ve come to realise it’s not, it’s actually a good thing because we can let it all out in an environment where there will be no judgement… Just help, and the right kind of help at that!

Suicidal thoughts can plague the mind of someone with Bipolar when they think their world is falling apart. To an onlooker their world may be completely fine, but to us deep in our souls the devil is lurking and playing with our minds. So we have to fight back with all our strength and remember what beauty our world holds and how many people love us.

To all that may be suffering in silence right now? I urge you to seek help in any way that you can, for tomorrow really is another day. It will get better – it usually always does – but in the interim we have to deal with a little pain and suffering. Some things in life are just out of our control and it’s up to us how we pass the test the universe has given us. What we must never forget is that we deserve to be here and to be happy just like everyone else. Depression wins only if we let it, but it’s not cured overnight. It takes a great deal of strength and courage to fight it.  Be kind to yourself and don’t let today ruin your tomorrow for you will never know what could have been.  Stay strong, reach out, and trust those who love you to get you through the hard times, for they need you as much as you need them. Fight for the person you once were before the Depression took hold of you. And remember when you’re down they are down too and all they want is you back by their side.

I hug you all and thank you for being there through the good and the bad times I’ve had. Please don’t worry for me as this won’t pull me down, I refuse to let it. I find a reason to smile every day because this is what pulls me through. I’m just letting you into my Bipolar mind and how at times we must ask for help.

Hugs to you all, Paula xxxxx

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Filed under Fight Depression

42 responses to “Depression Exists

  1. Play Song
    “You’ve Got A Friend”

    When you’re down and troubled and you need a helping hand
    and nothing, whoa, nothing is going right.
    Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there
    to brighten up even your darkest nights.

    You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
    I’ll come running to see you again.
    Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I’ll be there, yeah, yeah,
    you’ve got a friend.

    If the sky above you should turn dark and full of clouds
    and that old north wind should begin to blow,
    keep your head together and call my name out loud.
    Soon I will be knocking upon your door.
    You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
    I’ll come running to see you again.
    Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I’ll be there.

    Hey, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend? People can be so cold.
    They’ll hurt you and desert you. Well, they’ll take your soul if you let them,
    oh yeah, but don’t you let them.

    You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
    I’ll come running to see you again.
    Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call, Lord, I’ll be there, yeah, yeah,
    you’ve got a friend. You’ve got a friend.
    Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend. Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend.
    Oh, yeah, yeah, you’ve got a friend

  2. June

    Hello Paula! Big hug! Thanks again for letting us in to your downtime with an uplifting tone. It still puzzles me how you do that yet I agree that adding up humor in our lives makes our load seem lighter. Asking appropriate help is indeed important and you know very well how to do that now. We’re always here letting you know that we also care for you as much as we appreciate how you care enough to let us be enlightened about your condition. Huge Hug Again!

    • Hey Juney Babe, ever since I was a little girl I’ve always laughed smiled and joked, even when I was sad. And believe me I had many sad times growing up. I hide a great deal behind that smile and sometimes/many times that’s my problem. I’ve tried shopping to lift my mood but even that’s not working at the moment. But I have found a way to smile every morning and it’s when I go outside and smell the pink roses in my garden. Ohhh they smell so beautiful and look so pretty I can’t help but smile. It’s usually the simple things in life that bring us joy,do you agree?
      Love to you, Juney. Huge hug back at you! Paula xxxxxxoooo

  3. bon courage and hugs, Paula!<3

  4. we are here for you, when up or down – with our hugs and open arms ) beth

    • Evening Beth, that’s really kind of you and I thank you!
      I can imagine the children loving you very much as you have a big heart.
      Again I thank you! Many hugs Paula xxxxxoooo

  5. I made you smile…you made me tearful…(in a goodish way) You get it! Someone who gets it!

  6. I’m so sad for you, my dear friend. I hope that your visit to the mind doctor will really help you to get through through this terrible depression. Know that I am thinking of you and sending warm hugs across the oceans. Sylvia xxxx

    • That’s really sweet of you, Sylvia. 🙂

      I hate feeling Depressed just like everyone else but I’ve come to accept that some things are just out of my control. There are days now that I just want to be alone and that worries me. I love people and when i want to withdraw it’s a bad sign, hence the reason to get help. I’m still smiling on the outside so that’s a good thing, right? 🙂 I send many warm hugs back across the ocean to you too. Love Paula xxxx

  7. Al

    I know we have spoken about this privately, and you know I am always there for you my friend

    • Morning Alastair, 🙂

      It’s really comforting to know your there and I thank you for that. Shame you’re so far away as I would pop over for a cup of tea! 🙂 It would be so cool to do a WordPress gathering and who knows maybe one day someone will actually organise it. You get visions of what you think your followers look like etc, but how cool to actually all meet in person.

      Have a great day when you wake up, hugs Paula xxxx

  8. Baby steps are the best way, you know for all the bad things out there, I like to think that we fellow bloggers go a decent way to balancing that out and as Al rightly says he is there for you and so am I and all the others…even that joker who will shout I’m Sparticus as everyone else would start to echo our sentiments.

    • You made me smile so much, thank you! 🙂

      I love our blogging family/community and I believe blogging helps me immensely as I’m sure it does many people. I say more here than I do to my family and friends! 🙂

      I hug you for being there, and I really hope Ivonne can organise a wordpress gathering as I would love to meet you and all our other fellow bloggers. Have a great weekend, hugs Paula xxxxxx

  9. ….I’m not good with advice here – but I will try to send you a lot of energy and power – at least virtually.

    And I hope the visit to the doctor will help you soon.

    Best wishes,

    • Well Rabirius, I felt the energy and I thank you for that!

      I went shopping yesterday and it actually lifted my spirits, Yay!! I got the bargain of the century on 2 pairs of shoes. They are sooooo pretty and colourful! Lol Next week sometime I’ll post a photo of them. Have a great weekend and thank you for the support. Hugs Paula xxxxx

  10. How’re you doing, Paula. Still holding you in my thoughts. xx

  11. Desde Lossentidosdelavida te he nominado a Versatile Blogger Award gracias por seguirme, es el mejor premio.

    • Hey Thomas, 🙂

      Thank you heaps for the nomination but I no longer participate in awards. Knowing your name is better than any award and the fact that you support my blog? even better. Again I thank you! 🙂

      Sending you many hugs. Paula. Xxxx

  12. NEVER be afraid to ask for help, Paula. Thinking of you x

  13. Paula, I think you are very brave to share your struggles and I’m sure by doing so you are helping so many more people along the way. We’re not given more than we can handle, so you are obviously a very strong person! Keep on keeping on, and I hope you will be smiling on the inside as well as the outside very very soon! Hugs to you! ~ Beth

  14. Hello Beth, I really appreciate your comment and support.
    I see the Dr tomorrow which is a good thing. I try to blog but at the moment I just can’t get the words out. I felt like crying with your words of support and again I thank you. Love and hugs to you, Paula xxxx

  15. wisejourney

    Sending heaps of hugs across the seven seas to you Paula xxx

  16. sending my positive energy and love, dear Paula, Hugs to you, love, nia

  17. “I find a reason to smile every day because this is what pulls me through.” 🙂 hello and hugs, Paula…

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