Tag Archives: Suicide

Depression Exists

Depression Exists when:

You feel sad or anxious and can’t shake that feeling. You stop doing the things you once enjoyed.

You no longer see the beauty in things.

Your bed becomes your best friend.

You eat more than normal, or stop eating.

You have thoughts of suicide (and recurring thoughts of dying).

Everything that comes out of your mouth is negative.

You consume alcohol like there’s NO tomorrow (because temporarily it takes away how you’re feeling)
When I drink alcohol I feel I can do anything! Like many others before me, it gives the Dutch courage I would otherwise lack. It’s taken me till now (44 years old) to realise that it’s the wrong thing to do, especially if you suffer with a mental illness.

Drinking to me was like taking a drug and feeling high. I’m a happy drunk 🙂 not aggressive. So because I was like that I figured what the hell, I’m not harming anyone! But I was. I was harming myself.

Binge drinking, eating etc is all part of my personality. I’m really impulsive, sometimes I’m happy to be like that and other days it bothers the hell out of me. If you said let’s go to Rome tomorrow, I would think hell yes, without any thought of anyone else and what commitments I may have.

Now I’m not about to give up alcohol:) I probably should but I’m not:) So, I’ve
learnt to drink a lot more respossibly.I no longer drink alone – that’s a great start! – only sociably. Medication and alcohol are a dangerous mix . I know this one all too well. Avoid mixing the two and you’re doing  yourself a favour.

After coming out of hospital I did give up drinking for 6 months. The amount of meds I was on made me feel so dopey that drinking was the last thing on my mind. Like I said, should I have stopped permanently? Of course. But everything in moderation – that’s not me.

It was the cocktail of medication and alcohol that pushed me to attempt suicide.

What’s important to always remember is that depression is a treatable illness. However, different types of Depression require different types of treatment. Seeking help is the first step to becoming well again and getting back to enjoying your  life:) I believe a good health professional that you can relate to is a great starting point. When there’s no judgement and you’re free to say whatever you want, without retribution.

There are many other things you could be experiencing. I’m just sharing some of the things that happen to me.

Having depression doesn’t mean you’re a weak person. You’ve just hit a huge rock and have to work out how to get around or over it.

In the darkness there eventually becomes light.

Life is precious. My mum is always telling me that we are never sent any more than we can handle. (She’s very spiritual).:)

So maybe one day we will find out what the hell It all meant, and have a good laugh.:)

Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are.

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Filed under My experiences, What irks me

Depression Exists

Depression Exists WHY?

Trying to fight off all the demons that exists in our minds can be exhausting. Staying Happy and Positive can also become exhausting. So, what’s the answer? Actually, if I knew I wouldn’t be in the predicament I’m in now.

What I have learned through writing this blog is that the past isn’t always the past. Meaning, writing about my past experiences drags up old wounds and makes it all seem very real all over again!

The up days are incredible and they can last for days, or even weeks. Annoyingly the down days are so crippling that it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Bi-Polar is a strange thing to live with. Even harder for those that live with us. My brother sent me this link to an article  about suicide which I found really interesting. I recommend that you read it.

After reading the article I’m sort of trying to re-think the way I write my blog.

So the Why to Depression existing for me was to let you the reader understand certain things in my life that led me to suffer with Depression. Thinking telling the truth about my life would set me free and would help other people suffering similar illnesses.

Now I’m not so sure?

Last thing I want to do is encourage someone to be a copycat. My blog is confronting and filled with pain, because that was – and sometimes still is – my reality. But to think someone feeling vulnerable could read my blog and possibly want to commit suicide as a result of that, makes me feel sick.

I want to help people, not be the cause of someone ending their life.

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Filed under My experiences