Tag Archives: on our farm

My Weekend

I went in to feed Daisy, Bushy, Crossy and Piggy this weekend and believe me it’s not an easy thing to do when they want their pellets. lol

They nearly bowled me over at one point. But they are ever so cute.

Sheep 1

Sheep 2

Sheep 3

My beautiful boy Teco once again.

Teco and I

I’m not into harming any kind of animals or humans. This was just target practice with the shotgun. The only time it would be used would be to protect the animals and kill deadly snakes. Other than that, I hate guns, but they are a necessity to protect animals from predators.

This is the most wonderful Easter cupcakes anyone has made for me. My 6yr old niece and sister-in-law made them for me. Ohhhhh!!! I showed great self restraint… I shared with everyone and only ate one! lol


Hope you all had a wonderful Easter! hugs Paula xxxxx


Filed under My experiences, What makes me happy

My Teco boy (with no wool!)


Teco 2

Teco 3

Teco and Margie


Well here he is guys, the boy I love so much. Even with out his beautiful woollen coat!

I was telling Nafees today about how when I went to Teco boy and put my arms around to cuddle him he let his head fall into mine and just laid against me! Can you love someone more than you think you already do? Well at that moment I did! My heart melted and  I felt in awe of him and then to feel some reciprocated love… Bliss!

So, being the proud mother I thought I would show you pictures of my beloved Teco. The photo of me laughing was because he nudged me so hard I nearly fell over. He just thought he was hugging into me. Lol

Now remember I adore Margie, but our love is through eye contact only! She watches me shower him with affection, but no matter how much I try to have contact with her – it’s a No. So I look into her eyes as I’m feeding her and tell her she’s my princess. No matter what!  I just have to respect the way she wants to love me and be patient. 🙂

Hope you all had a great weekend! Love and hugs to you all……Paula xx


Filed under What makes me happy

Happy New Year, Everyone!


Helllooo my lovely bloggers and blogettes 🙂

Happy New Year to you all!

Sorry I have taken so long to get back blogging! I have been really busy at our property and have being going backwards and forwards, country/city, city/country, etc, etc, etc, ever since Boxing Day!

Boy am I tired! My nephew has been renovating our dongas/transportable homes (a 30ft  and a 20ft) so that way when we are visiting our property, we have our own space. My son likes us staying in the house but I believe we all need personal space, even if you’re 28 and still love your mummy being around! Lol. They are caretakers of the the property. I’ll explain for those of you that are new to my blog? It’s 116 acre bush/rural property where my son, his wife and their two beautiful boys live. Additionally, amongst a menagerie of other animals, I keep my beloved babies Margie and Teco boy. They are the new loves of my life that bring me comfort, joy and a peace like I’ve never known before! I used to really dislike the country and nature, but when I got these two beautiful Llamas I fell in love with their world! I can just sit on a log amongst them and watch them for hours. (I don’t sit for hours though, as my behind would hurt! Lol). It’s really hot out there at the moment. One of the days was 47 degrees Celsius ! I nearly melted and spent most of that day in the pool. But in autumn and early winter it’s the most magical place, the misty mornings, wind  blowing, birds chirping and sitting on that log with my babies is too beautiful for words. I wish you all could just come sit with me. Imagine me liking nature? Who would have thought! 🙂

Teco has been shorn but unfortunately Margie wouldn’t let us catch her and therefore is wandering around with a wool coat on! The good news is that because the temperature has changed so much it would be bad to shear her as she could get sunburnt and isn’t as independent as Teco boy. When he first got shorn he felt less “manly” you might say and sulked in the back corner of the paddock. By the end of the day he came for me to cuddle him and reassure him that he was still beautiful in my eyes! 🙂 If a Llama male plays up they shear them as it calms them down. When they are really woolly they feel like they’re The Man. But with no wool they become meek and mild! Teco boy has been spade but still ruled the paddock from Margie!

Life has gone back to normal and even with no wool, he’s the leader again. His masculinity still prevailed 🙂 Go my boy!!

We really wanted Margie to get shorn, not just because she’s more woolly than him, but also to find out whether she’s pregnant. Remember she was mated just before I got her as I wanted a pregnant Llama? When put back with the male, she spat at him which should mean she is pregnant. But maybe she was having a bad day! 🙂  Spitting at the male is usually a sign for them to back off as she is in a delicate condition.  I have yet to find out, but if it is the case, her baby will be due about the 10th of June! Boy, I will be SO excited if she is. Prepare yourself to be inundated with baby Llama pictures! 🙂 If not, I don’t care as I love her to bits and at least she won’t have to go through that whole giving birth thingy! Lol.

This year I’m going to do my darndest (if there is such a word) to be as happy as I once was. It’s been 2 years since I tried to take my life and now I want my life back. I want to try and let go of the past and look to my future. Happiness is out there – I just have to find it again! Blogging through 2012 and having you wonderful people in my life really has provided me with so much love. Thank you, to all of you!!

My blog is Depression Exists and therefore I will still blog about it regularly; remembering that I have been diagnosed with Bipolar, OCD, Borderline Personality Disorder and Anxiety and Mood Disorder, there are always a lot of things going on! Life is a journey into the unknown with me and if you want you can follow along and read all about it.

We will be happy, sad, confused and at times lonely, but we will always find a way to smile and laugh!

I think this year is going to be a brilliant year so lets push the past behind us, and say “No more will you rule me!”

I missed you!

Love and prosperity in 2013 to all of you!!

Super Paula hugs to one and all!!!


image source


Filed under Fight Depression, What makes me happy

Have a good weekend

Goose up close

Hi everyone,

Just wishing you all a great weekend!

Gone to hug my baby Teco (for those that don’t know that’s my Llama).

Have fun and be kind to yourself!!! 

love Paula xxxx


Filed under Uncategorized

A peek at my beautiful Llamas

These two delight and amuse me. Every weekend I spend time with them and each visit lifts my spirits. Pets really do bring with them a huge amount of love and affection.

I hope you enjoy seeing them. I will share more glimpses of my farm soon.

(Sorry about the wind noise – I will try and fix that in future videos.)


Filed under What makes me happy


OMG! I have had sooo many of these since taking meds and stopping meds.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t always blame Seroquel for everything! *smiles*

I totally suck when it comes to drinking water!.. My poor body is probably soooo dehydrated. Drinking 1 glass a day is a huuuge effort for me. So with the warmer weather now upon us… I’m going to make drinking water one of my priorities!

Along with ramblingsfromamum‘s affirmation she gave me:

Hello, Brand New Day – I Am In Control & You Will NOT Beat Me!!!!

Maybe throwing a slice of lemon in the water might help?

I’m off to see my Llamas… Have a great weekend everyone!!

Paula x

p.s. I had some technical issues with the video I planned to post… I will take more footage this weekend and try again when I come back.


Filed under My experiences

Me Time

My husband left last Saturday for Phuket. A boys only golf trip.

The winner gets a Trophy and gets to wear the Winning Blazer thingy. Also, the winner gets to choose the destination for the next year’s trip. The guys love it and they get to do all that male bonding stuff. I’m sure it’s along the lines of a what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas! type of thing:)

I met my husband when I was 30 and he was 51. We actually got married in Vegas. Boy do I love Vegas!

Anyway the age thing didn’t really seem that great , but as we’ve both got older it  now sounds it:) When he would go away, I would be sooo jealous that I would stomp around the house and be very short with him days before he would leave on his business trip. Jealousy is a curse and if you let it, it can tear your mind apart. The gift I get with each birthday isn’t about presents, but about the fact that I become more and more tolerant and calmer each year.

Now I look forward to the Me Time as much as he looks forward to his time. Everyone needs personal space even its just for a couple of hours. Especially if you’re a fulltime carer or something like that to someone demanding. You definitely need time out.

Sometimes I can be full on and my mind goes 100 miles an hour and I expect everyone around me to keep up. Kind of like, So, you’ve finished your coffee? Whats next… Let’s just relax?… Relax… What for?… Because, because why? When I get like that  I find things to amuse myself, so I don’t drive everyone crazy. Yes there are days when no matter what someone says, you don’t want to leave the safety of your home…your little nest:) That’s when you have to be kind to yourself and not make a mountain over a mole hill:) It’s just another negative day and tomorrows another day. Hopefully a better one!

So what have I been doing whilst he’s been gone? Yes!!!!! Not cooking, much to my 20 year old’s distaste. (lol)
So tonight I’m taking him to the casino for dinner. Not sure if that for his benefit or mine? Probably mine! 🙂

Had a beautiful night out with my sister and spent the next day just hanging out. Her partner is part of the boy crew:)

Not been to bed until 3.30-4am every night. Whoops! I mean day:)  I feel like a naughty child, as if I’m going to be sent to bed if I get caught!

I’m currently watching the Tudor Series. Jonathan Rhys Meyers plays the part of Henry brilliantly… and God is he handsome!

Tomorrow I’m going to our country property to see my grandsons and hug my Llama Teco. Margie still won’t let me touch her… We have this understanding where we show our love through eye contact. lol. I am looking forward to starting a new book as well: An Affair Before Christmas, by Eloisa James.

As for the coming weekend had a great offer to go to a strip club with a  single girlfriend and some of her gym friends… But.. No thanks! at 44 if some gorgeous hunky (more than likely gay) guy touches me, I’d probably pass out.lol

I hope you get some me time:)


image source


Filed under My experiences, What makes me happy

Daisy & Piggy – Life in the Country


Daisy is my daughter-in-law’s pet sheep.  I have posted photos of her when she was younger.

She is sooo adorable, she honestly has no idea she’s a sheep. Daisy is 1 of 3 other sheep my daughter-in-law has raised (bottle fed). There’s Bushy, Crossy and of course the latest member Piggy. She was found in the pig shed. When she was reunited with her mum she couldn’t smell her, so she rejected her.

My son works on a 6,000 acre farm. They have 5,000 sheep, 3,000 pigs, crops of canola, lupins, barley, wheat and oat. They don’t have the time or resources to look after orphaned sheep. So sad isn’t it? but that’s farming and life goes on.

So if she didn’t take her in she more than likely would have died. Not a great name for a girl but fitting at the same time. Don’t know if you have seen how disgusting a sheep looks covered in pig poo? Not nice and very stinky!

Well, you will be happy to know that she’s had a bath and looks absolutely adorable 🙂

This is Daisy now. She just had a bath and hugged into my daughter-in-law for a cuddle, then fell asleep. She’s huge, but still wants her mum’s cuddles.

By the way, these are all pet sheep and therefore not for consumption 🙂

There’s no time for Depression when something so gorgeous hugs into you.



Filed under My experiences, What makes me happy

Up and Down

Up and Down Like A Yoyo

Up and Down Like A Yoyo

Okay maybe saying that everything was going really well for me was a little premature. Not sure exactly what happened to me this weekend. Seeing the llamas again was great, but as for my mood, not so great.

My brother, sister and their partners came to the country to spend the night, and I loved that. I’m so lucky that I have such a beautiful family. Problem is me, not them! I tried to act as if nothing was wrong, but deep down I felt a heap of emotions, good and bad.

Someone else  was in the room that pulled down the whole energy around me down. For whatever the reason this particular person felt completely distant from the rest of us. You would think that by now, with all my therapy, I should know not to let other peoples problems bother me, but I do. Instantly I sit there thinking about what I might have done, or said, to make that person that way. It drives my mind crazy.  One minute I’ll be laughing and joking the next I feel like shouting out “what the hell’s the matter with you!”.

You feel like Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde. It doesn’t matter that you don’t know whats up with that person, because in your mind you’ve created a 100 different scenarios. Some relating to you, some not.

I would love to have the ability to just switch off, but I cant! Its not in my DNA 🙂

So, the next morning I went to my llamas and tried to find that peace I just blogged about. Weird I realise, but, it worked!  They are just so beautiful you cant help but feel calm and rejuvenated.

I thought about it a lot today, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I have to let go of things that have nothing to do with me. That person never asked me to feel for them or confided in me as to what was bothering them. So at the end of the day it’s got nothing to do with me. I just have to ground myself when put into that sort of situation. Because if I don’t, I will be Up and Down, like a yoyo!

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Filed under My experiences, What irks me

Making Me Happy

Their shed is erect on our farm. The photo above shows it in progress.

My llamas are on their way.  This is Margeurite.
She and Teko (a male) will be arriving next week.


Filed under What makes me happy