Tag Archives: Country Property

Saying goodbye to my Llamas.

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Hello Everyone,

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend! 

Mine was filled with a mixture of emotions. My brother-in-law found a home for my babies (my llamas) to move to. I spent Saturday with them because first thing Sunday morning they had to be loaded into the float for their trip to their new home. Margie was a mess and hates to be handled and she kicked up a fuss, so much so that Teco boy just strolled out of the stables nudged into me and cried out about what was happening to her. I hugged him and told him she was okay and kept cuddling him. This beautiful animal just stood by me and watched the fuss being made of her getting into the float. My boy just stayed there, leaning into me, wanting to know what was  happening. My heart sank so deep and I wanted to cry. Here I was hugging my boy for the last time and he didn’t know it was going to be the last time. He just loved and trusted me so much and just walked into the float as if he was going for a drive.

I knew separating from my husband was going to come with a whole lot of heartache, but I hadn’t prepared myself for the realities of it. Our home, Our farm, My babies! All gone. It hurts a lot deeper than I show anyone. The me inside is a mess trying to smile and act as if I have it all together, but I don’t!

I stayed in their new paddock for almost an hour. I didn’t want to go but I knew it wasn’t fair on them or the people I had given them to. Teco boy looked around with all the enthusiasm of a small child checking something out for the first time. He looked at me jumped in the air and was swinging his head with excitement. I felt like a proud mum watching her child being strong and brave on the first day at school. I smiled , looked at him and thought how lucky I have been to be loved by this beautiful animal. But, my Margie cried out continually and looked lost and scared. I tried really hard to reassure her, but I couldn’t. She wanted to go back home to her paddock. Oh god, it was so painful, you have no idea.

Today I will call and see how there first night went. I will visit a couple more times and then its best to leave them be. I hate this, but it’s the right thing to do by their new family and Margie and Teco boy.  They have to learn to adapt and if I keep coming they will want to come home with me. They were like children to me and I will miss them like crazy!

I had a 1 1/2 hour drive back to the city. Did I cry? Absolutely. I was happy for the new farm and people, but I felt like I had abandoned my children and it hurt badly.

So, I had my music blaring and tried to focus on the joy and happiness Margie and Teco brought me.   

Anyway, enough, before this grown woman sheds a tear again.

The photos are some I took at the farm on the weekend.

Hugs to you all….Paula xxx

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Filed under Fight Depression, My experiences

Riding the Waves

Female Surfer

I have a confession to make.

Admitting this is hard, because I hate showing this side of me.

I’m a little down and am struggling to stay happy. I’m doing all the things I know I should to stay in good spirits, but sometimes life can get really hard.

I’m socialising. I am exercising (god forbid!!).  I’m drinking water and basically keeping myself occupied. I’m not on the computer as long, as when your a little down I find it’s not the best thing to do. It helps a little but in the long run you have to go face the real world!

Feeling like this is normal and I just have to ride the waves… I’ve done it plenty of times before and this is just here to test me! Seeing Teco boy (my llama)  always makes me smile, but I won’t get to see him until Saturday. So, I shall wait to hug my boy.The comfort he brings me is second to none.

Tomorrow is another day and it WILL be a good day!

Have a great weekend everyone and I embrace you all for comfort!

Hugs Paula xxxxx

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Things I Love

120011 i am free to love what i loveThings I love:

I love to close my eyes and feeling the sun’s warmth on my face.

I love my family, for without them I would be lost.

I love listening to the birds chirping early in the morning.

I love that I live in a democracy, and am free to believe what I choose, without fear of imprisonment.

I love going to our property and seeing our animals for they give me a peace like no other.

I love cupcakes because – strangely – they make me feel calm.

I love that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

I love clowns as they make me feel happy.

I love hearing the sound of laughter.

I love spring and the new beginning it brings.

I love  music. These are just some of my favourite artists: The Doors (loved Jimmy), Fleetwood Mac, QUEEN (Incredible vocalist), The Eagles,Dire Straits, Michael Jackson; ( Leave behind the controversy that always followed him, and remember the amazing artist that he was), Joan Armatrading , Rolling Stones, U2, AC/DC, INXS ( Taken way too young!) Carole King, Phil Collins, Led ZeplinPink FloydRickie Lee-Jones, Sarah McLachlan,Beethoven and Mozart.

I love a great book that you can’t put down.

I love money. It doesn’t buy happiness, but it gives you freedom, and for that I’m grateful.

I love shopping. Retail therapy can be fun.

I love and appreciate our blogging community/family.

I love all people from all walks of life and all cultures. From every country and every continent. We are all one!

There are so many things that we love in life. When you feel like your whole world is falling apart, you just have to stop and remember them. If you can’t? Then find someone who will help you remember.:)

What do you love?

xxxxx

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Happy New Year, Everyone!

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Helllooo my lovely bloggers and blogettes 🙂

Happy New Year to you all!

Sorry I have taken so long to get back blogging! I have been really busy at our property and have being going backwards and forwards, country/city, city/country, etc, etc, etc, ever since Boxing Day!

Boy am I tired! My nephew has been renovating our dongas/transportable homes (a 30ft  and a 20ft) so that way when we are visiting our property, we have our own space. My son likes us staying in the house but I believe we all need personal space, even if you’re 28 and still love your mummy being around! Lol. They are caretakers of the the property. I’ll explain for those of you that are new to my blog? It’s 116 acre bush/rural property where my son, his wife and their two beautiful boys live. Additionally, amongst a menagerie of other animals, I keep my beloved babies Margie and Teco boy. They are the new loves of my life that bring me comfort, joy and a peace like I’ve never known before! I used to really dislike the country and nature, but when I got these two beautiful Llamas I fell in love with their world! I can just sit on a log amongst them and watch them for hours. (I don’t sit for hours though, as my behind would hurt! Lol). It’s really hot out there at the moment. One of the days was 47 degrees Celsius ! I nearly melted and spent most of that day in the pool. But in autumn and early winter it’s the most magical place, the misty mornings, wind  blowing, birds chirping and sitting on that log with my babies is too beautiful for words. I wish you all could just come sit with me. Imagine me liking nature? Who would have thought! 🙂

Teco has been shorn but unfortunately Margie wouldn’t let us catch her and therefore is wandering around with a wool coat on! The good news is that because the temperature has changed so much it would be bad to shear her as she could get sunburnt and isn’t as independent as Teco boy. When he first got shorn he felt less “manly” you might say and sulked in the back corner of the paddock. By the end of the day he came for me to cuddle him and reassure him that he was still beautiful in my eyes! 🙂 If a Llama male plays up they shear them as it calms them down. When they are really woolly they feel like they’re The Man. But with no wool they become meek and mild! Teco boy has been spade but still ruled the paddock from Margie!

Life has gone back to normal and even with no wool, he’s the leader again. His masculinity still prevailed 🙂 Go my boy!!

We really wanted Margie to get shorn, not just because she’s more woolly than him, but also to find out whether she’s pregnant. Remember she was mated just before I got her as I wanted a pregnant Llama? When put back with the male, she spat at him which should mean she is pregnant. But maybe she was having a bad day! 🙂  Spitting at the male is usually a sign for them to back off as she is in a delicate condition.  I have yet to find out, but if it is the case, her baby will be due about the 10th of June! Boy, I will be SO excited if she is. Prepare yourself to be inundated with baby Llama pictures! 🙂 If not, I don’t care as I love her to bits and at least she won’t have to go through that whole giving birth thingy! Lol.

This year I’m going to do my darndest (if there is such a word) to be as happy as I once was. It’s been 2 years since I tried to take my life and now I want my life back. I want to try and let go of the past and look to my future. Happiness is out there – I just have to find it again! Blogging through 2012 and having you wonderful people in my life really has provided me with so much love. Thank you, to all of you!!

My blog is Depression Exists and therefore I will still blog about it regularly; remembering that I have been diagnosed with Bipolar, OCD, Borderline Personality Disorder and Anxiety and Mood Disorder, there are always a lot of things going on! Life is a journey into the unknown with me and if you want you can follow along and read all about it.

We will be happy, sad, confused and at times lonely, but we will always find a way to smile and laugh!

I think this year is going to be a brilliant year so lets push the past behind us, and say “No more will you rule me!”

I missed you!

Love and prosperity in 2013 to all of you!!

Super Paula hugs to one and all!!!

xxxxx

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Filed under Fight Depression, What makes me happy

A peek at my beautiful Llamas

These two delight and amuse me. Every weekend I spend time with them and each visit lifts my spirits. Pets really do bring with them a huge amount of love and affection.

I hope you enjoy seeing them. I will share more glimpses of my farm soon.

(Sorry about the wind noise – I will try and fix that in future videos.)

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Filed under What makes me happy

Llamas Arrived

Margie my beautiful Llama

Margie my beautiful Llama

Wow. I had no idea how I would handle my llamas or if they would take to me.

After spending the last 6 days at our country property with them, they finally decided yesterday that I was no threat and they took food from my hands. Yeah! Sitting in their paddock freezing to death was worth it.

They are such beautiful animals.  Leaving them to come home was terrible, it felt like I was leaving one of my kids behind. My last blog talked about how my cat Sakura gives me such unconditional love, and helps me get out of negative (depressive) moods. Well I  now realise that maybe it’s all animals, because the happiness I felt every day after being with them was amazing.

Instead of dreading each day, I couldn’t wait to get up and spend time with them. I would just sit on this huge tree trunk in their paddock, watching their behaviours and listening to all the different birds chirping away.

It was just incredible. Me, of all people, liking the silence. I could barely believe it was me. I normally hate silence and I’m not one to enjoy my own company. But sitting there, cold breeze blowing on my face, birds chirping  away and  listening to the different sounds the llamas would make was so enjoyable.

We leave every Friday to spend time at the property which I always look forward to, but now I will be looking forward to it even more. Everyone needs a reason to want to get up each day, and I suppose now I’ve found mine. Going on holidays, shopping, out for lunch with your friends etc, sounds so cool doesn’t it? But at the end of the day there has to be more than that, you have to feel that you matter and what you do with your time is worthwhile. I’ve found some kind of an inner peace that I haven’t felt before and it’s really calming.

I really like the feeling and hope it stays with me 🙂

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Filed under My experiences, What makes me happy