Saying goodbye to my Llamas.

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Hello Everyone,

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend! 

Mine was filled with a mixture of emotions. My brother-in-law found a home for my babies (my llamas) to move to. I spent Saturday with them because first thing Sunday morning they had to be loaded into the float for their trip to their new home. Margie was a mess and hates to be handled and she kicked up a fuss, so much so that Teco boy just strolled out of the stables nudged into me and cried out about what was happening to her. I hugged him and told him she was okay and kept cuddling him. This beautiful animal just stood by me and watched the fuss being made of her getting into the float. My boy just stayed there, leaning into me, wanting to know what was  happening. My heart sank so deep and I wanted to cry. Here I was hugging my boy for the last time and he didn’t know it was going to be the last time. He just loved and trusted me so much and just walked into the float as if he was going for a drive.

I knew separating from my husband was going to come with a whole lot of heartache, but I hadn’t prepared myself for the realities of it. Our home, Our farm, My babies! All gone. It hurts a lot deeper than I show anyone. The me inside is a mess trying to smile and act as if I have it all together, but I don’t!

I stayed in their new paddock for almost an hour. I didn’t want to go but I knew it wasn’t fair on them or the people I had given them to. Teco boy looked around with all the enthusiasm of a small child checking something out for the first time. He looked at me jumped in the air and was swinging his head with excitement. I felt like a proud mum watching her child being strong and brave on the first day at school. I smiled , looked at him and thought how lucky I have been to be loved by this beautiful animal. But, my Margie cried out continually and looked lost and scared. I tried really hard to reassure her, but I couldn’t. She wanted to go back home to her paddock. Oh god, it was so painful, you have no idea.

Today I will call and see how there first night went. I will visit a couple more times and then its best to leave them be. I hate this, but it’s the right thing to do by their new family and Margie and Teco boy.  They have to learn to adapt and if I keep coming they will want to come home with me. They were like children to me and I will miss them like crazy!

I had a 1 1/2 hour drive back to the city. Did I cry? Absolutely. I was happy for the new farm and people, but I felt like I had abandoned my children and it hurt badly.

So, I had my music blaring and tried to focus on the joy and happiness Margie and Teco brought me.   

Anyway, enough, before this grown woman sheds a tear again.

The photos are some I took at the farm on the weekend.

Hugs to you all….Paula xxx

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68 Comments

Filed under Fight Depression, My experiences

68 responses to “Saying goodbye to my Llamas.

  1. :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

  2. The b&w pics make it more sad 😦

  3. Oh my sweet – I can imagine what you are experiencing right now, the sadness of losing your fur-babies, your heart would be tearing in two. You have to have many deep breaths, and thoughts that this is what is best for them and that their new owners will be looking after them as much as what you did. The harsh reality is in any marriage that dissolves there are those that suffer, the parties involved, children, animals. It sucks, it isn’t fair but your happiness is paramount also. Your babies will be fine, cared for and they will remember you with love. Visiting will make it tougher on you, but I know you feel you must for a little while. There are so many dogs that get placed into shelters when couples split up now – their fate is not known Teco and Margie – have people to look after them. You know this to be true. This is a new beginning for you – a new life – you will shed tears and many, I won’t say that you wont, but one day and soon I hope you will look back and know that what you have done now has been for the best, for everyone. Thinking of you, giving you a hug right now and know that you are doing what you have to do, xxx

    • Ahhhh! I had to be careful not to cry! i have a face full of makeup ready to go for my sister’s surprise birthday party. I know it will all work out. I just hate all the process. I miss them so much and think about them all the time, It’s not even being a week! Love to you, Mumsy! hugs Paula xxxxxxx.

  4. Aw, Paula, this is so heart-breaking. ((((BIG HUG)))) I love what Ramblings From a Mum said — her advice is perfect. Wishing you and your babies the best, always! xo

  5. I understand how you feel, please know this no matter how alone you may feel you are not alone. Change is difficult, change is scary, but change is necessary for us to find ourselves again. Consider it not as if the doors are closing, but instead new doors are opening. What you have known until now is unhealthy, now you seek healthy. This too shall pass, remember a body in motion stays in motion, I speak from experience KEEP MOVING, do not sit down.

    • Thank you. 🙂 You have made me feel inspired and hopeful. I guess I’m just scared that I threw it all away and what if I was wrong! But you you’re right, it is scary and I suppose everyone goes through this process, even my husband. I loved you comment so, thank you!!
      Hugs to you..Paula xxx

  6. I’m sorry Paula 😦

  7. For the past month I have been wondering on Teco and Margie … but have been reluctant to ask….esp given that you have not been talking of them or the farm of late. In my head I pretty much knew that something was going on.

    And I am sad for you.

    *huuuugggss*

    All those here … they know you are incredibly sad and we all wish you could not hurt over your split … and not hurt over your lovely babies.

    But Mumsy also had a good note about it too … about how Teco and Margie both found another good home…there is some small comfort for you there I hope.

    Oh Paula…*hugs you really hard in blog land* … hoping you begin to start feeling better soon.

    • Now that made me want to cry. It’s been hard to talk about something I knew was going to be sold. Plus the thought and reality of finding Margie and Teco boy another farm to go to. The only good thing about this is that Margie wasn’t pregnant after all. I would have been in fits of tears if I had to give them up and a baby. 🙂 My husband is finding it all terribly stressful too. Even though we are separating I tend to lean on him for support. Thank you for the hug and I hug you back.
      Love to you, Katiekins and I hope your feeling okay? Paula xxxxx

  8. oh my dear Paula….I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time…..I can totally relate….I have had my share of difficult times parting from my beloved animals but remember to stay strong…they will have a great life….you gave them the greatest start in life! lots of love & one HUGE hug to you my friend xxx

    • Thank you T. Even though you find them a good home, you still feel sick and sad in the stomach. The guilt is shocking. You feel like you’ve abandoned them. I go to the farm this weekend and sort the stable area out. This is when I’m going to feel it really badly. Cleaning it up, but they aren’t there. Tidying their feed shed and sweeping out, but they aren’t there watching me. Thanks for the hugs. Love to you…Paula xxx

  9. I can feel your pain…Stay strong ! The pictures are lovely …. xx

  10. That was emotional, I felt your loss and I’m miles away Big hugs and know that you can refuge with your loyal wordpress followers any time you wish!

  11. June

    Aaaw I couldn’t imagine how hard it is to lose any of my beloved pets. Sorry to hear about this but I’m glad you’re still surrounding your self with positivity. Stay Happy Paula! Hugs!

  12. Lot’s of music, Juney!! It helps me a great deal. Hope your having a great day. Hugs Paula xxxxx

  13. How sad to to have to find another home for these sweet creatures. I feel your loss, as I once had to give my two big doggies away, when we moved from a big house to this much smaller property where pets aren’t allowed. According to their new mom, they were both really happy on the farm where they went to, and were spoiled rotten and even allowed to eat from the dining table, which is something I never allowed. 🙂 I’m sure Margie and Teco boy will have a great life on the new farm. Stay positive, and send them virtual hugs and smiles every day. Big hugs to you too, Paula. xx

    • What a great idea! In will send it out the universe and hopefully they feel it. 🙂

      Its hard because their new family hasn’t got back about how they are going! I hate that as they promised they would. I’ve tried to contact them all week.

      Still I will keep sending the love that you talked about. Thank you for your friendship, hugs Paula xxx

  14. Oh Paula, I am so sorry you had to give up your babies. I can imagine how hard and heartbreaking that had to be for you.

    Hugs to you,

    Ivonne and the girls
    xoxoxoxoooox

  15. I know Paula dear, it hurts to say goodbye… take care of your sweet self. Prayers to your. Perpetua.

  16. I’m sorry to hear you had to give up all the animals that you love.
    I know how hard it can be to loose something like that – so you have my deepest sympathies.

    Love,
    rabirius.

    • Thank you, I really appreciate that. I go tomorrow morning to clean out their stable and paddock. So not looking forward to that. Still, I’m also dropping in on them and that I am looking forward too.Love and hug to you. Paula xxxxx

  17. So sad, Paula. But, as Helen Keller said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”

    Look forward, and soon, because it is our responsibility to keep pace with the world, not the other way around. 🙂 ~Paul xx

    • Coming from you I really appreciate this. I just need to stay positive, right? This I’m trying really hard to do. Have a great weekend and I appreciate your feedback!! 🙂 hugs Paula xxx

  18. Letting go is do hard isn’t it but it seems we have to do more often than we would like- as that is the way we move on to another phase of our life. They are adorable and I fantasise about one day having a couple of llamas x

    • Haha! That’s cute and I hope one do system you get to do this. People just talk about how they spit etc, but that’s there way off telling each other to back off. Loads of time its just over food..they don’t like to share! Lol 🙂

      Hope all is well with you! Back blogging soon. Hugs Paula xxx

  19. Rohan 7 Things

    Oh man, hope you’re feeling okay! You’ll always have those memories, treasure that warm feeling inside and you will feel it again when the time is right!

    I’m sure they will be well taken care of. You just go slow and take care of yourself 🙂 Big hugs!

    Rohan.

    • Thanks, Rohans! 🙂

      It felt strange going there on the weekend and them not looking out for us. Your right though… I have great memories and nothing takes those away. 🙂

      I’m in the process of moving and thats why I haven’t had a chance to blog. Actually I’m lying in bed doing this off my phone as the internet is off because of the move.

      Hope all is well in Rohans world! Hugs Paula xxx

  20. I wanted to thank you again for nominating me for the Wonderful Team Member Readership Award – and I finally found the time to place it on my blog: http://rabirius.wordpress.com/awards/

    I also hope that you will continue to Shine On – because I nominated you for the award of the same name. You will find all about it on the same site.

    Greetings,
    rabirius.

    • Hi, nice to hear from you! 🙂

      I’m in the process of still shifting house. I am sooooo behind on blocs etc!! 🙂

      Soon things should get back to some sort of normality. Thank you. :). I miss your blog!

      Hugs to you, Paula xxx

      • …I can imagine that it must be very distressing – I remember my last move where it was snowing very hard and then nothing was working – and I needed 2 month to get telephone and internet (and that also involved switching the company – which wasn’t easy because I had to give prove that they didn’t deliver what I paid for).

        So I keep my fingers crossed that everything will work nicely.

        Greetings,
        rabirius.

  21. bpshielsy

    I’m sending you the biggest of cyber hugs! So sad when saying by to animals you’ve made a close bond with.

    I hope you’re starting to feel a little better x

    • Hey, I really appreciate your cyber hugs! 🙂

      I’m feeling a little better, but can’t help but miss them. I was at the farm today cleaning their stable area and it felt emotional. 😦

      But, life goes on and I have just moved into my house. So hopefully next week I’ll be back in blog land!

      Hope all is well at your job? Sending back a huge hug! Paula xxx

      • bpshielsy

        Well I hope you’re enjoying being in the new house. It’ll be good to have you bac online 🙂

        Job is going well, my contract should be extended to the end of October, so fingers crossed.

        Ummmm I cycled into a wall the other day. Made me think of you sniggering 😉

  22. bpshielsy

    Wow, I’ve just noticed how many comments you’ve had here. Is it a record??

    • I’m not sure, maybe?

      Haha…I’m sorry but that is pretty funny! 🙂

      Like those brat kids taking your helmet! Lol
      Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Hugs Paula xxx

    • Thank you! 🙂

      I miss them like crazy. I’ve been told that they have made friends with the new owners pet pig! It makes me smile so much just thinking about it. Margie has started to come to the new lady with Teco, this makes me incredibly happy as she was so scared when I left her. Back blogging soon. Hugs Paula xxx

  23. melanie

    I simply love these animals… but I’d rather watch them free, not in zoos or cages…
    – – –
    My very best, stay healthy, optimistic and “cool”, babe… cheers, Mélanie

  24. I’m so sorry, dear one!! 😦

    Rahul

  25. proportionsinlife

    Paula –
    I’ve also been out of the loop for a while. (Too much writing (and partying with Dance Partner) that I feel I’ve neglected your blog.)
    You have a long road ahead, but it was necessary. You have such a tremendous following – many people who love and support you! Count me in, too!!
    I’m thinking about you and sending you good vibes: strength and motivation to see a clear vision of your future, and of course, I wish you buckets and buckets of self-love.
    xoxo, Danita

    • Thank you, Danita! 🙂

      That whole self love thing I haven’t mastered!
      I’ve only been alone for 1week and it feels like a lifetime. I have great friends and family around me, but going home to no one feels strange. I’ve been the mother and wife for so long I don’t know how to be just me. Does that make sense? 🙂

      I love my followers… you all are one big cyber family!! :).

      Hugs Paula xxx

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