Tonight, I write this for others that are suffering with Depression right now.
Especially our teenagers!
Growing up as a “normal” child wasn’t easy for me. Those who have been sexually abused will understand exactly what I’m talking about. You lay in bed and cry and wonder if anyone cares or even sees you. You pray to God to help you die and take you away from the hell you’re living in. But that doesn’t happen – you wake and the same thing happens again and again. You stop believing or caring about God. If he was really listening this would all go away, but it doesn’t! So you no longer believe in anything, or feel safe anywhere.
You can’t think or act normally (whatever that is, anyway). Nothing in your life is like the typical girl or boy next door just hanging out with your friends and family.
You’re broken and feel different, weird, lost, confused, sad, angry and every other negative emotion your body can think of. To those around, you you are annoying and difficult and cause problems to the rest of the family. Yet no one knows your pain or can hear you crying out loud in your mind, screaming for it all to stop. Who will understand? Who will believe me? Who will care?
Well, plenty of people care. And that’s what I want to say to you.
Don’t lay there in silence crying inside, or walk around feeling like some kind of freak, or think you’re different and no one gets you. Maybe they do think you’re different and a little odd, but they can’t hear you and know that you are in pain unless you reach out for help.
So many people care… More than we realise! Okay, trust.. Right?? I know this is the hard part. Those that you should have been safe with and trusted are the very people hurting you.
I thought asking for help was a weakness and therapy was never going to happen. How could I tell someone the horrors that live in my head, and about the pain I had endured in silence for years. Where would I even start. Would my family still love me?
They did, of course. They felt my sadness as if it was their own. They rallied behind me like knights in shining armour! We came away from the side of the family that hurt me and the healing began. Therapy does and will help, I promise you that! But the first step is being able to ask for it. Life as a teenager can be tough enough without any form of abuse whether that be mental or physical abuse. They are as bad as each other, never think differently!!
You deserve to be loved and feel loved, never ever forget this. You are beautiful, strong and courageous and don’t let anyone make you feel less. Broken things can be fixed. And when they are fixed with professional care… They once again look beautiful and complete. Life is strange and sometimes hard to understand, but one day this will all be gone along with those that have hurt you!
YOU WILL FIND LOVE AND HAPPINESS AGAIN.
We forgive… But never forget. Why?? Because it’s our souls way of protecting us from never allowing this to happen to us again.
Go to a friend a teacher, anyone you feel you can trust. Don’t suffer in silence!! Someone in life is waiting for you to grow up and to love you unconditionally. Don’t let them down, they need you as much as you need them. I believe in soul mates. I think there is one out there for you.
Remember you are beautiful. Whatever you are suffering, let someone in and learn to dance and smile again!
I hug you and want you to know you are not alone! Live for all the beauty that is waiting for you!
Learn to trust again!!!
Hugs to you all…Paula xxxx