Depression Exists

Train-tracks

Depression Exists:

Right now, I am trying really hard to look for the good and overlook the bad. Sometimes I doubt myself and my abilities to look after myself and be alone. I wake and it feels like a good day – and then reality hits, and I feel low. Is it okay being alone? What becomes of your thoughts? Does your my mind wander and you get lost in your own thoughts and if it does, is this actually a good thing? Maybe you create things you never thought of doing before or try new things you never thought you were even capable of doing. Hmmm the mind boggles!

Keeping yourself busy during the day is easy and having a job even better. But what of the night time? I’m hopeless in the night… I have sleep apnea and insomnia. Crazy mix, right?? Ohhh and did I mention the big one!! Yip, I snore because of the sleep apnea. I’ll meet someone and say maybe you won’t want to sleep over, really why? Well, I kind of snore.. Hey don’t sweat it. No I mean I snore like a man! Cool I snore too. Next day… Maybe I won’t sleep over anymore!! See my dilemma?! Lol 🙂

So, maybe you watch t.v/read listen to music…*Yikes* but what if that doesn’t work and you lay awake for hours. I get really scared by myself in the house, I know I shouldn’t but I’ve always been like that. The security I have in my house with my husband is huge, And I still get scared alone!   I’m lucky at this point as I’m hoping my husband and I stay on speaking terms when I leave. Why? Because I may have to talk to him on the phone till I fall asleep! LOL  No, I have to be a big girl and work it out, right? Staying friends is still a good thing though.

Depression is a funny tricky little thing. You live with self doubt, yet you know you’re capable of doing so many things. Obviously negativity breeds negativity, don’t you agree? The trick here I believe is to be as positive as one can, even when you’re a mess! I’ll keep telling myself that I can do it and that I’m doing really well. Even if I’m not! 🙂 Maybe try and trick my brain into being brave. LMAO My fingers and toes are crossed that this can work!

Another thing with Depression is you either turn to food and comfort eat or you can barely eat. Now this lovely pendulum swings both ways with me. If I eat too much then I exercise like mad to get it off.Currently those cupcakes have taken a back seat. Now I just look at them and admire how pretty they look. 🙂 Much better compromise.

I’m going to start reading loads of self help and motivational books. Actually Rohan has a book about: 7 Things That Made Me Genuinely & Irreversibly Happy: And How They Can Do The Same For You. This one I started whilst away but stopped reading as it was so good, and thought it could be my bedtime companion when I leave. Very positive and inspiring! Take a look.

Depression only wins when we let it. We all have good and bad days and it’s about not sweating the little things. Again its like riding a wave… You either go with the flow or you panic and fall. Don’t let what people think about you affect you! What they think of you is none of your business. You know you and if you know deep down your hearts in the right place. Leave it there and don’t let anyone take it away from you.

Above is my panic station below is my railway track. I will follow the track and at times I may even veer off, but I WILL get back on track.  I trust in fate and the universe and everything is happening for a reason. There are no chance meetings, it’s all a part of what’s meant to be. When things are bad its hard to trust in this, so we have to learn to trust in ourselves.

Don’t let Depression win..

Hugs to you all…..Paula xxx

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23 Comments

Filed under Fight Depression, My experiences, Thinking...

23 responses to “Depression Exists

  1. Life is such a “short” path via which you should have to face a number of astounding challenges of different classes, Paula! In fact, they might include few bitter streams of bails as well. In such situations, what actually matters will be the way in which you gonna consider it as a postive or negative challenge. As we always say, be positive and keep always smiling. Have a great time there, dear one. Cheers.\m/ 🙂

    PS: I don’t personally believe the importance of “faith” as a notable aspect in life!! 😉 😀 🙂

    Rahul

  2. I think some of us insomniacs spend out time blogging when we should be in bed at leat resting—lol…..And yes, depression is this ongoing battle because it creeps up on you when you are least awares and takes the wind out of your sails…… I feel quite safe with my three babies—two little ones are going to make mean watch doggies!!! they already bark like big girls and protect their mommy!!!!!

    hugs to you my dear—visit me in your dreams when the insomnia wears off
    🙂

    ivonne

    • Hahaha! They will be good dreams..when I think of you I think of Angels! 🙂 Maybe that’s what I will be doing all night…talking to you guys!! Lol
      Sleep? who needs it anyway! Lol Glad your babies protect their mummy!! 🙂 Hugs Paula xxxx

  3. We may veer off the tracks from time to time, but we know the right course to take home, remembering that home is not always made of brick and mortar…but where our heart lives. Mwaaaah I have complete faith in you to find your right direction and to rise above adversities. Just remind me if you ever visit you sleep in the garage! 😉 xxxxx

  4. I’ve just been hunting through my archives to find a particular post. It was this one: http://wp.me/pOTN0-1sj there’s this one as well: http://wp.me/pOTN0-1zj

    I’ve kept on speaking terms with my ex, but that’s because of the kids. And the reason we split was her infidelity. You have my email if you ever need to vent Paula.

  5. Paula, being alone is not scary … but the thought of being alone is I think. At least that is what it was for me in the beginning.

    In time you start to think, I can get used to this. It is not so bad.

    I think people who get divorced go through that. In time though, if you are still single, you find that …well, that you find yourself. And being single is not something to ‘get used to’ … but instead you can learn a lot about yourself…and about a whole range of things.

    I KNOW you are not feeling this way now … it may take time….in fact, you might find someone to spend time with … whatever the case, just be patient with yourself. (Try not to jump into another relationship super fast is my advice nod nods.)

    I say, lean on friends when you need … and let them know you might need them … and at times might need you time. And if EVER things get too overwhelming…make the call. You know the one. The one we hope to never wish to make…but sometimes have to.

    *huugggss*. Things WILL be okay. They WILL be. And that is the truth.

    Katie

    • Katie, I almost don’t know what to say, so thank you!! 🙂 I feel better and I believe you’re right about not jumping into bed with anyone. That could be a fatal mistake and very much rebound. When you have spent your life around your children it’s really hard to let go and now be alone. But I know my son is a man and needs/wants to start his own life now. I have to respect that and let him go see what life is all about… away from mum. 🙂 I will have to cook and win him back for visits through his stomach!! Lol Hugs and thanks again, Katiekins! Hugs Paula xxxx

  6. Hi Paula,

    I think you’re doing amazingly well!I love that you empower yourself and take responsibility for keeping yourself in a good space. Even when this isn’t very easy for you, I always feel the hope and faith from your posts.

    You WILL meet someone lovely!

    My partner snores quite loudly and we have two separate bedrooms. I don’t feel bad about this because we both sleep so much better than we did before and still spend evening/morning time in same bed together. It’s just for sleep purposes. It’s better we both sleep well than get cranky with each other through poor sleep. There’s always a way around things.

    Love & hugs Paula- you are doing amazingly!!

    Rachel
    xxx

    • I needed to hear this right now, Rachel. I’ve been crying and are trying to pull myself out of it.I reblog something I read today and it made me fall apart. I reblog it to inspire other people but it affected me terribly, but I don’t regret reading it at all. Unfortunately I then found another post that equally touched me as the one I reblogged. Maybe I need to cry right now, but I will be good in the morning…I will make sure of this! I understand you and I’m really happy that you understand me…I give you a huge hug…Paula xxxxxoooo

      • Crying is really important and healing – it lets everything out. Even if you have to cry loads & loads it’s better than squashing it down and pretending you’re OK. Hope you have some lovely supportive people around you. You always have all your blogging buddies cheering you on, including me. Lots of love xxx

  7. Being alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. I suppose it is hard to learn to live alone again, after a marriage, I see this at my divorced girlfriends. The mistake the need for company with the need for sex and then they are even more down. Anyway, it is something you must learn to do, step by step. You will be fine eventually, just don’t give up:) It is part of the battle, after all, life is a battle:) As for the eating during depression, boy don’t I know that! Ihave days when I live on water and days when I can’t stop eating. And I don’t even exercise:)

    • Hello Lavinia. You always make life sound so wonderful and I love that about you. 🙂 So, we understand each other with the eating! 🙂 I think it’s a step by step process as well. I lived as a single mum for 14 years without a man. But I suppose somewhere along the way…I lost my confidence. I just need to find it again. When are you off to the U.K? Hugs Paula xxxx

  8. Rohan 7 Things

    Yay, really inspiring post Paula 🙂 I think just about everyone gets that feeling of dread when we can’t get to sleep late into the night and all the thoughts come out to play. The most effective method I’ve had in dealing with insomnia (I used to get it in my late teens and at different times) is a) The affirmation which is: “I lovingly release the day and slip into peaceful sleep, knowing tomorrow will take care of itself.”

    Focusing on a repeating this takes our mind off our busy thoughts and helps in getting to sleep. And b) really not caring. This is hard to manage, but I find that when we obsess about how tired and useless we’ll be the next day that’s what keeps us awake! So really getting to the stage where you don’t care how tired you are, it just doesn’t matter, is really helpful.

    Good luck to you during this tough period 🙂 Keep well!

    Rohan.

    • Hey Rohan, 🙂
      So, you understand the whole sleep thing, excellent! I am not alone. 🙂
      I love your affirmation and will definately use it…actually I’ll write it down and post it next to my bed. 🙂 Your book will be with me as well. BTW: I love how you talk about exercise, especially the part about walking and not making excuses to make it a part of your life. Actually I loved heaps about your book! Lol 🙂 Hugs to you….Paula xx

  9. I feel you doing a marvellous job of understanding yourself (half way there already) and taking care if yourself…..

    Great work Paula…hugs

    • Thank you! I fell apart yesterday after the post I reblogged. I think I’m a little vulnerable right now. So, I’m not going to beat myself up about it. Today is a little better and that’s a good thing. Again I thank you for what you have said…Hugs Paula xxx

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