Right now, I am trying really hard to look for the good and overlook the bad. Sometimes I doubt myself and my abilities to look after myself and be alone. I wake and it feels like a good day – and then reality hits, and I feel low. Is it okay being alone? What becomes of your thoughts? Does your my mind wander and you get lost in your own thoughts and if it does, is this actually a good thing? Maybe you create things you never thought of doing before or try new things you never thought you were even capable of doing. Hmmm the mind boggles!
Keeping yourself busy during the day is easy and having a job even better. But what of the night time? I’m hopeless in the night… I have sleep apnea and insomnia. Crazy mix, right?? Ohhh and did I mention the big one!! Yip, I snore because of the sleep apnea. I’ll meet someone and say maybe you won’t want to sleep over, really why? Well, I kind of snore.. Hey don’t sweat it. No I mean I snore like a man! Cool I snore too. Next day… Maybe I won’t sleep over anymore!! See my dilemma?! Lol 🙂
So, maybe you watch t.v/read listen to music…*Yikes* but what if that doesn’t work and you lay awake for hours. I get really scared by myself in the house, I know I shouldn’t but I’ve always been like that. The security I have in my house with my husband is huge, And I still get scared alone! I’m lucky at this point as I’m hoping my husband and I stay on speaking terms when I leave. Why? Because I may have to talk to him on the phone till I fall asleep! LOL No, I have to be a big girl and work it out, right? Staying friends is still a good thing though.
Depression is a funny tricky little thing. You live with self doubt, yet you know you’re capable of doing so many things. Obviously negativity breeds negativity, don’t you agree? The trick here I believe is to be as positive as one can, even when you’re a mess! I’ll keep telling myself that I can do it and that I’m doing really well. Even if I’m not! 🙂 Maybe try and trick my brain into being brave. LMAO My fingers and toes are crossed that this can work!
Another thing with Depression is you either turn to food and comfort eat or you can barely eat. Now this lovely pendulum swings both ways with me. If I eat too much then I exercise like mad to get it off.Currently those cupcakes have taken a back seat. Now I just look at them and admire how pretty they look. 🙂 Much better compromise.
I’m going to start reading loads of self help and motivational books. Actually Rohan has a book about: 7 Things That Made Me Genuinely & Irreversibly Happy: And How They Can Do The Same For You. This one I started whilst away but stopped reading as it was so good, and thought it could be my bedtime companion when I leave. Very positive and inspiring! Take a look.
Depression only wins when we let it. We all have good and bad days and it’s about not sweating the little things. Again its like riding a wave… You either go with the flow or you panic and fall. Don’t let what people think about you affect you! What they think of you is none of your business. You know you and if you know deep down your hearts in the right place. Leave it there and don’t let anyone take it away from you.
Above is my panic station below is my railway track. I will follow the track and at times I may even veer off, but I WILL get back on track. I trust in fate and the universe and everything is happening for a reason. There are no chance meetings, it’s all a part of what’s meant to be. When things are bad its hard to trust in this, so we have to learn to trust in ourselves.
Don’t let Depression win..
Hugs to you all…..Paula xxx