Finding Faith in Myself

Sad Angel

I have returned from a holiday and, although it was a great break,  my personal life (as you now know) is in turmoil.  The urge to give in is easy but I’m not looking for easy this time. I’m not perfect – far from it! But I’m a good person and won’t let anyone take that from me. Life is strange and at times it can be hard to understand why certain things happen to us. Depression is an awful road and an easy one when things aren’t as we hoped they would be. But now at 45 years old I sit back and think “not this time. I’m better than this and someone – whether it be a God or the universe – has a plan for me. I’m going to believe it’s a good plan and just go with the flow, I’m not going to let the unknown get the better of me, because I know I deserve better”.

Maybe I should have made better choices in life. But then again, maybe this is what was meant to be. What if everything is just as it should be? Then I have to trust in destiny and fate. Be grateful for everything I have had and all the experiences I’ve been lucky enough to have. I have been loved and felt love. I am not going to accept that this is all that’s left. People change, life changes and we have to accept that change in us and know it’s a part of this bigger picture we call life. Be true to yourself and accept responsibility for your failings. Maybe they weren’t failings, maybe they were just a part of what was meant to be. We all grow and learn by our mistakes, but that’s just it… We have to let them go and move forward! Nobody is perfect. Who wants perfect anyway? Just be you and one day the right person will see the real you through all those failings and nothing else will matter. So I will stand tall and face whatever life wants me to do next. Because life is too beautiful to throw away. I want to know what’s waiting around that corner. Whether it be good or bad!

Do you think I’m on the right track or have I verged too far south! lol

Hugs Paula xxx

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30 Comments

Filed under Fight Depression, My experiences, Thinking...

30 responses to “Finding Faith in Myself

  1. Self belief is so important when you are in a dark place seeking more light. Believe that you are worth it. You are.

  2. I want you to step back when you read your words and take in all that you have written…there is a reason you have done this post..there are reasons for change and no one expects you to be perfect as none of us are, we all have our foibles we understand that relationships don’t last forever (usually) and we have to take that in our stride. Deep breath and take that first step forward to a happier you. Hugsss and thoughts darling xxx

    • I’m going to believe that too, Mumsy. I think we are all afraid of the unknown. But I’m going to trust in me and hope that’s enough. You know I love you, right?? hugs Paula xxxx

  3. Many moons ago, Shakespeare said, “This above all: to thine own self be true,And it must follow, as the night the day,Thou canst not then be false to any man.” Paula as long as you are following the call of your heart you are on the right track. Your path is uniquely your own and like no other. And the only way to have what is rightfully yours is by letting go of what is not right for you. Words that even I should heed. The path may not be easy and it may be frought with emotions and doubt but trust yes, that you are being guided to a far better place and life……

    hugs and kisses to you
    Ivonne, Missy, Maddy and Marly

  4. big sis, you’re on the right track and my best wishes are with you always 🙂

  5. You are definitely going the right way. By just writing this post you are showing that you’re on course. Well done Paula, and keep going the way you are. Life will look up very soon.

  6. Being afraid of the unknown is human nature. Yet all great things in our lives are unexpected and come from the unknown. We can learn from every situation we are going through, good or bad. We just have to accept everything that is happening to us, then let it go, then move on:) You can do it. You have such a bright and positive attitude!

    • Hey Lavinia! Although I feel incredibly alone right now, I know this isn’t the case. This is life’s way of testing me and I will pass the test.lol Acceptance is the key word here and this is what I must do. You also have an incredibly bright cheerie attitude and I so love that about you. Hugs Paula xxxx

  7. Things happen for a reason, Paula, and sometimes it is hard to understand what that reason is. Hopefully even the negative experiences teach us something although at the time you wonder what. You are a beautiful person and that is why you need to be here, to share that inspiration and guidance. Never give up. I often find it amazing how the world can seem bleak for days and then the sun suddenly comes out and everything changes.

    • What a beautiful thing for you to say! Can you feel me hugging you right now because I am. 🙂 I think the negative experiences teach us as well. I think we are always learning new things about ourselves. The good and the bad. I’m really happy the sun is still shining where I live as the rain would just make everything depressing. Thanks again…hugs Paula xxxxx

  8. I think it takes an amount of courage to face all of life – the negative aspects as well as the positive. And who knows? what we see at first as a negative could actually be something positive for us in a long term sense.

  9. Hi Paula, these are very good questions and reflection in life and faith. One thing I can add is when one is searching two things to keep in mind: consolation and desolation. If your thoughts and decisions is “consoling” you this maybe the right path. If your thoughts and actions makes you feel “desolate” maybe you have to do more reflection. Bear in mind, we have a depressive nature. One must be cognizant of that. Let your sufferings be wasted Paula. God Loves you. Perpetua.

    • Thank you so much for your thoughts, Perpetua. I like the thought that something bigger than me, loves me! I would say right now I’m feeling a little of both. I’m sure in time it will all come together. Can you feel my cyber hug?? xxxxxxxxx

    • Hi Paula, I was re-reading the last sentence and it should read: Let your sufferings NOT be wasted. Now it makes more sense to me and I hope to you too as well as the readers.

  10. Aye Paula. Life is way to beautiful to throw away. Never forget that please.

    Whether the path you are is the correct one or not, make the best of it. If you find it is taking you somewhere dark, then make corrections as you go. Or look to friends … they will hopefully be there to help guide you. But…also never be afraid to ask for help ok.

    You are a special person Paula, and I believe in you.

    • Hello Katiekins! Asking for help is one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn in life. If it wasn’t for blogging my thoughts would still be my own and you would have needed a magician to seek the answers. lol Actually even that wouldn’t have worked. 🙂 That’s why I know blogging has done wonders for me and I’m not yet ready to give it up. I hug you dear friend! xxxxxx

  11. Have a great day! with love maxima

  12. “not this time. I’m better than this and someone – whether it be a God or the universe – has a plan for me. I’m going to believe it’s a good plan and just go with the flow, I’m not going to let the unknown get the better of me, because I know I deserve better”.

    Wow Paula- I’m blown away by your attitude & wisdom. I definitely think you’re on track!!! I can definitely learn a lot from you.

    Lots of love & hugs xxx

    • Thanks Rachel! I was once full of confidence and I just need to get that Paula back. I’m scared, but who isn’t?? Trusting in ourselves is the key. I’m thinking of you and want you to feel the same optimism. I’m holding you tight so don’t let go! I’m watching you!!! hugs Paula xxx

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