This photo was taken the other day when I was out with my sister.
When I first started blogging I kind of felt a bit strange about talking to the world I didn’t know. So, I thought if my sister allowed me to use the photo of us both at the top of my blog she would make me always feel at ease. It worked and still does. I see that photo and remember the day it was taken and it makes me smile.
When I had the breakdown and attempted suicide my sister sat by my side waiting for me to open my eyes. When I did I honestly thought she was an angel. Then she explained where I was and that I had survived and how glad she was. We both cried. She couldn’t believe I would leave her and not tell her how I was really feeling.
Whilst in hospital a nurse came and saw me as I couldn’t stop crying. I explained to her that my whole life I had relied on my sister to always be there with me. When I was younger she looked out for me and as adults we had lived together numerous times and shared everything, even the same boyfirend at one stage! Lol NO! Not at the same time. When she broke up with him I ended up dating him for a while. He was a cop, and a gorgeous looking one at that… So who could blame me!! Lol
She wasn’t a drinker. I was. We would go out and no matter what she would wait until I was ready to go as she knew I was one of those people happy to stay in a crowd of strangers and just sit around laughing drinking. At times I begged her to leave me and would reassure her I would be fine. But, no matter what, she would wait up for me and want to know all about my night. I suppose in the back of my mind I always knew she was just a phone call away. If I was scared of driving in the city, she would take me. Don’t laugh – I so hate driving in the city!! Lol She would tell me off when she thought I was being irresponsible or careless. Yet we always hugged, and that was that. She loved me and looked after me unconditionally and felt that it was her responsibility to do so.
After telling the nurse my life story and about my sister, she recommended I read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
When I finished it I cried and rang my sister to apologies for making her feel that she had to feel responsible for me. I never really had thought about it as she was just there for me, like a mother. Even though we have a mother! She was totally my security blanket and even today I find I have to let go at times. She told me it was her job and she didn’t care what some book said and she will always be there for me no matter what!
That love is so hard to describe and to find, that I’m just so happy that god/universe or whoever sent me to be her sister. She said she asked god to give her a baby sister and he did and she will love me and protect me forever. (She’s 7 years older than me).
Not everyone has this kind of relationship with a sibling but if you are lucky to (like me) then you know exactly what I’m talking about! I have 4 brothers that I adore, but I only have 1 sister and she is priceless.
So to my sister – I love you and thank you for always loving me. For never judging me and just being there for me to hug and love. You are me as I am you!!
Do you feel this love from a family member?
Hugs to you all……Paula xxxx