Depression exists as a result of all sorts of things. One of them being, so to speak, “unfinished business”.
When we hold on to things and find it hard to really explain how were feeling, it’s easy to get lost in that dark world. Sometimes you don’t have the words; or even know if there are any… But deep down you’re hurt and lost. You know you need to come up for air but then something pulls you back down again.
I think we have a treasure chest, only not filled with gold… It’s filled with all the things we hold in our minds and heart. Some good things and some unfinished/unresolved/hurtful things.
Sometimes I wonder if we really know what we want in life. Are our expectations too high? Unrealistic? I have found that by slowly emptying this chest my mind becomes more free, and with less baggage to deal with life starts getting better and better.
Depression plays with our minds and creeps up on us when we aren’t being true to ourselves. You can’t lie to your mind and say everything’s okay when it’s not. Your mind knows this is false and will continually keep questioning you until you deal with whatever you’ve tried to bury away. I used to be brilliant at burying things away, but now my mind goes ahha Paula … NO WAY!!! You need to fix this!
My husband once told me that I never really let anyone in… Like, really in. He says I hug with one arm whilst the other keeps everyone at a distance. Maybe he’s right? I suppose that we all have this barrier we put up when we don’t know – or can’t face – certain things in our life. Once you have been hurt a few thousand times (okay slight exaggeration!! lol) It’s our way of protecting ourselves from having to go through that again.
I think it’s just part of that whole fight or flight thing. We don’t want to be hurt or have our hearts broken. In the end we are forced to face whatever the issue/s are that are holding us back. Usually we want to run from it, make excuses for it.. Basically do whatever it takes to not have to deal with it!
In the end we only get hurt deeper and pull those we love into that place with us. We need to stop and recognise this. Why should they have to go where we don’t want to be ourselves? Depression is not just about a dark place. It’s cold and lonely and you’re left feeling numb.
But who want s to be alone?? I don’t! And nor should you!
I force myself to see good even when it may not really be there. Love is strong and can pull you out of anything. It can let people in and dispel loneliness. Don’t push them away! Maybe this way they can learn to understand you and comfort you in times of need.
I can tell the everyone in the world that I love them. But do I truly understand what it’s like to love deeply? I think I’m learning and that’s all we can do. Keep learning and growing as a person.
So, do I love you all???? Yes!! In my own non gay/freaky/stalker kind of way!
Huge hugs and love to all of you. Stay healthy and open to love!