Forgiveness – It’s So Hard

_Reaching_out__by_Nonnetta

The ability to forgive has been one of my biggest struggles over the years.

I’ve come to realise that without forgiveness, we ourselves can never truly be free.

When I’m not grounded and allow my mind to wander into the darkness, that’s where I find little Paula lost and crying. I know it’s me, yet I still reach out to comfort her.

I thought that if I forgave those that harmed me, I was telling myself that what they did was OK. When it wasn’t!

What bothers me is that those people that have caused such harm are living their lives as if nothing has happened. The innocent is left sad, lost, broken, angry and, for some reason, filled with guilt! Why???

We were the victims, left hurt and suffering. Somehow we have to get through the rest of our lives and tell ourselves “it’s OK, you’re OK, it’s not your fault!!” So why is it that these people that hurt us seem to go on as if nothing happened? They somehow manage to construct seemingly fine lives around great lies! Sometimes I wanted to knock them off their perches, but that is the hurt talking. Nothing can change whatever hurt in life has being done to us, whether we allowed it or not. It’s done, and we have to find inner strength to let go and move forward.

People assume if you have money then you should have no reason to be unhappy. But you’re wrong! Money gives the freedom and choices, it can’t heal pain or take away a mental illness. Should I feel guilty that I lead a good life and still feel unhappy and filled with hurt and pain at times? No. Because no one knows what it was like for little Paula who cried night after night in her bed, for someone to come and save her.

No one can feel your pain or erase horrible memories from your life. I hurts me just writing this, and here I am 44 years old and feeling alone, as if I was that child all over again.

So, how do I find peace in my heart?
I try to forgive and tell myself “I had no control! I was just a child!”

Forgiveness is all that’s left for us to do. Why do people play with our minds? Hurt us, lie, strip us of all dignity? I think the answer is easy – because they can.

Unless we hurt them back, they are free to go on with their lives as if nothing happened.

For me, hurting them back wasn’t an option. I know they should have paid for what they did, but that was then and this is now. All that’s left is for me to forgive and move forward. I need to make peace with myself. I’m safe and I need to remember that and learn to trust again.

Whatever the hurt, pain, sadness etc you feel – or have felt – I hope you’ve found peace within yourself. We can’t change others, but we can be the best people we can be.

I need to forgive and let go.

Don’t let them rob you of 1 more minute of your happiness, they’ve taken enough!!!!

Paula xxx

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36 Comments

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36 responses to “Forgiveness – It’s So Hard

  1. Forgiveness is a big ask to people that have hurt you in your life. I don’t know if I am that strong. Sometimes when I was younger I would get angry, or fight back – verbally, now though as they years pass if I do have any confrontation (that I know in my heart is not worth battling over) … I step back – say nothing – for I feel that I don’t want to waste my breath on people that have caused misery. But you are right in saying you were just a child…simply because you were either physically or mentally – no one had the right to hurt you, change your life, make you feel bad about yourself or what you do. It takes us a long time to appreciate ourselves and even longer sometimes to realise I will forgive you because I was right and you were wrong. **Hugs**
    Mumsy xxxxx

  2. the people that hurt me with their false witness, lies and compassionless behavior seemed so cold and heartless and because of that i have always felt myself to be the better person as i could have taken them down easy by lying like they did
    i also have trouble forgiving them for the cold calculated attacks and lies but i also know that they are such good liars that they only appear to be having good lives
    so i agree with this as being the better person forgiving and leaving them to their karma and god makes you better
    in my case i even had to move from the city they found so easy to manipulate and fool

  3. How beautifully expressed. I can forgive but every time, nothing changes and the problems find me again… But now, like living in a castle, I try to keep myself away from all problems especially with people who hurt me or give me trouble… Thank you dear, it was so nice to read you. Blessing and Happiness, love, nia

    • Hi Nia! Thanks for commenting and sharing your thoughts. I do exactly the same thing! I don’t need these people in my life. You can only take so much before these people break you! I’m so happy you’ve taken yourself away from the hurt! *hugs* xxxxxxxx

  4. I have felt many times why those people who try to hurt U or belittle U with all the false words and deeds live happy ? I always think about and is unable to find an answer….They are doing wrong , you are doing right, still U suffer and they live happily, nothing is fair enough in this world, I used to think about revenge and all as a kid, the matter of forgiving is not easy especially when U are ill treated by the world….still many be as U said, with time, we may be able to forgive, but what I try to do now, is to IGNORE, such crap people… Your post made me feel that I was talking …..GOD BLESS US ALL…

    • Hi Mridula! Ignoring is a good thing:) It’s hard for me to talk about, but my abusers were a part of my everyday life! I couldn’t ignore them, they were always there. At 30 I turned around and said, NO MORE! I found inner strength to walk away.Revenge was all I sort as well, but never had the strength to fight! Thank you so much for opening up! ……..Paula xxxxxx

  5. aw Puala. Why you do feel lonely. Arent you married? Kick the butt off tension and depression, soon am gonna post about 5 hot martial artist actors who are stars of action movies. I’m sure you gonna love and enjoy 😉

    • Nafees! your so cute. Your like a little brother! *hugs* from now on…your my cyber brother!!…..Yes, I am married!
      Sadly that doesn’t change certain things that have happened in our life’s.
      It’s something I work to fix everyday. Okay little brother, bring on the 5 hot martial artists!! *smiling* …….Paula xxxx

  6. To Forgive and to Forget… feelings and memory, we have no control on both, we can control our actions, though. Ignore yesterday and those away, just live now with those who are with you.
    Just heard Kiss The Rain… I liked it. 🙂 Thanks!

    • Thanks Amin. This is a working progress and one I’m always working to heal! I loved that music so much:) He felt every note he played and he draws you into his world! A beautiful one.*smiling* So happy you listened to it! *hugs* xxxxx

  7. I know it is very hard to forgive the people who hurt you. There is always this tiny little voice in the back of your head asking for revenge. Still forgiveness is necessary thing if we want inner peace and want to begin the healing process. The longer we hold on to the grudges from our past the more we hurt ourselves and as you pointed out the people who have hurt us remain unaffected. I would like to quote what Mahatma Gandhi once said- ““The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
    So show the world how strong you are, this is you declaring that you are above those who wronged you, that you are a strong willed independent woman 🙂

    • Thanks so much for your comment and advice! Your right! I am a strong willed independent woman. *Ack* that felt scary and liberating at the same time! That can be a new Affirmation for me:):) Huge hug and thank you!! xxxxxx

  8. How beautifully Expressed Still Forgiveness is Necessary thing if we want inner peace and want to begin the healing – but we can not forget! life goes on and we have to live and try to find in it – things people and phenomena – just as they suit us, by nature, the spirit and respect – and its environment must never be sacrificed to the idea of ​the thought or the need to clear the anyone, and as such be subjected suffering
    and pain – this is a good post you see we are all here as a family – and this is the right place where we can – actually no matter how it may seem unreal – concealed – or otherwise denied what they really are – and how we are such to us Corresponding way to accept or reject it – I wish all the happiness the world – with Love Maxima

    • Thank you so much for commenting Stefan! *hugs* Yes, we are a family and one I’m very fond of.*smiling* When we come together as one, the connection we feel to each other is strong! It’s weird, but I open up more on line, than I can in real life! Would you write a poem about forgiveness?
      Thanks again Stefan:) …..Paula xxxxx

      • of course I will write a song about forgiveness soon – you personally and send it to you on Meili, if you want it with a dedication Pauli – when it’s done here, I will let you know, keep a beautiful day surrounded by those who love those who bring joy to your life

      • I will. *smiley face* I can’t wait! Huge hug. Night Stefan! It’s 11pm here so time to get of the laptop! *waving* x

  9. These are such wise and wonderful words, Paula! I have people ask me why I still have a relationship with one of my relatives who was abusive to me, and I tell them that it’s because I need to for me as well as that person who does not “get it”. I limit my times with her and I guard myself. I am blessed by my forgiving her and so is she. Now we have a decent time together which helps me to move on and be a better relative to my own family. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.
    Bless you as you forgive and also take care of your wonderful self! 🙂
    Hugs ~ Wendy xo

    • Thank you Wendy! *super hugs* I worked with one of my abusers for 12 years! It was so hard, but I knew no better! It was a relative a very close one! I forgive but had to walk away as he never stopped harassing me all those years! Sometimes I wander what was wrong for me to have stayed that long? Thank you Wendy-Lee hugs ,hugs ,hugs! That’s your new nickname from me! *smiling* …….Paula x

      • Paula, I love that nick name “Wendy-Lee”! I just might have to go official on that name… Abuse is a strange creature and seems to have a numbing dart for our brain. It is hard to be a teller unless we’ve been specifically taught to. I am a tattle-taler now! I don’t hesitate to call the police if anything weird goes on in the neighborhood etc. I was a fink at our old neighborhood and it really paid off, as I helped get a child out of abuse and drug use. That kid is really glad to be free! I got labeled for it but “All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.” is not what I want to be accused of…
        Blessings to you dear friend ~ Wendy-Lee 😉 Hugs!
        PS – What’s your nickname?

      • That’s a wonderful thing you did for that child! It takes a lot of courage to do that! *super hugs*.
        Mumsy one of my followers, calls me Paulama after my Llamas and honey-pie! Actually a couple more but I’ve forgotten! Lol Have a great day Wendy-Lee! xxxx

  10. I loved this! I was raised to know that forgiveness was meant for the other person always. but it was always meant for me and my freedom, and happiness. Well done.

  11. Dear Paula, I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been struggling with this very issue in this past year. There is a part of me that is angry that the person who hurt me can just go about thier lives, lieing to everyone as if nothing has happened. And there is a part of me that says their life is tragic because it is based on illusions and has no substance. I want to forgive and forget, truly forget this person ever existed and move on with my life. But it is a challenge I have not been able to do just yet–working on it though. Thank you so much for your honesty.

    🙂

    ivonne

  12. Teresa Cleveland Wendel

    Forgiveness is an issue that I’ve struggled with for years too. Thanks for reminding me of the necessity to make peace, and especially to make myself feel safe.

    • Hi Teresa! welcome to my blog.*smiley face* When such terrible harm has been done to us, feeling safe and trusting people, can be our biggest obstacle to over come. We have to forgive in order to be free, or they’ve won! *hugs* xxxx

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