The ability to forgive has been one of my biggest struggles over the years.
I’ve come to realise that without forgiveness, we ourselves can never truly be free.
When I’m not grounded and allow my mind to wander into the darkness, that’s where I find little Paula lost and crying. I know it’s me, yet I still reach out to comfort her.
I thought that if I forgave those that harmed me, I was telling myself that what they did was OK. When it wasn’t!
What bothers me is that those people that have caused such harm are living their lives as if nothing has happened. The innocent is left sad, lost, broken, angry and, for some reason, filled with guilt! Why???
We were the victims, left hurt and suffering. Somehow we have to get through the rest of our lives and tell ourselves “it’s OK, you’re OK, it’s not your fault!!” So why is it that these people that hurt us seem to go on as if nothing happened? They somehow manage to construct seemingly fine lives around great lies! Sometimes I wanted to knock them off their perches, but that is the hurt talking. Nothing can change whatever hurt in life has being done to us, whether we allowed it or not. It’s done, and we have to find inner strength to let go and move forward.
People assume if you have money then you should have no reason to be unhappy. But you’re wrong! Money gives the freedom and choices, it can’t heal pain or take away a mental illness. Should I feel guilty that I lead a good life and still feel unhappy and filled with hurt and pain at times? No. Because no one knows what it was like for little Paula who cried night after night in her bed, for someone to come and save her.
No one can feel your pain or erase horrible memories from your life. I hurts me just writing this, and here I am 44 years old and feeling alone, as if I was that child all over again.
So, how do I find peace in my heart?
I try to forgive and tell myself “I had no control! I was just a child!”
Forgiveness is all that’s left for us to do. Why do people play with our minds? Hurt us, lie, strip us of all dignity? I think the answer is easy – because they can.
Unless we hurt them back, they are free to go on with their lives as if nothing happened.
For me, hurting them back wasn’t an option. I know they should have paid for what they did, but that was then and this is now. All that’s left is for me to forgive and move forward. I need to make peace with myself. I’m safe and I need to remember that and learn to trust again.
Whatever the hurt, pain, sadness etc you feel – or have felt – I hope you’ve found peace within yourself. We can’t change others, but we can be the best people we can be.
I need to forgive and let go.
Don’t let them rob you of 1 more minute of your happiness, they’ve taken enough!!!!