They look so harmless – yet they can help or harm depending on so many different things

I had taken sleeping pills for most of my adult life, but I hadn’t taken any other prescription medications for depression etc.

After 6 months of therapy I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar 2 disorder; Anxiety and Mood Disorder (academic reviews of this disorder can be found here), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.

Wow, try taking that all in. I thought to myself “god, I’m officially crazy”. I always knew I was different, but not that different.  🙂

These were some of the medications I was put on:

  • Valpro 500mg     ( One tablet twice a day )
  • Faverin (and the Wiki link for it’s USA name) 100mg     ( One tablet at night )
  • Efexor-XR 75mg     ( One capsule in the morning)
  • Efexor-XR  150mg     (One capsule daily )
  • Stilnox CR     ( One tablet at night)
  • Zyprexa 5mg     ( One tablet at night )
  • Zeldox 80mg     (One tablet twice a day )
  • Seroquel 100mg     ( 2 tablets at night)
  • Endep 10mg     ( One tablet at night)

Please remember that i am simply sharing my experiences. You MUST NOT deal with any of these drugs unless you are seeing your doctor to make sure that everything is in accordance with the medication’s impacts and side-effects as they relate to your specific condition.

I realise now that it can take your Doctor some time before they find the right dosages, and meds that best suit you. So I had to be patient, and wait to see what worked best for me. Although, at the time I felt like I was going crazy, just from all the medication I was given.

Still I was recovering from a nervous breakdown and had to wait till I got healthy again in my mind and body, until I could once again start  making descisions for myself.

I had to trust that they had my best interest at heart.

But as I started to get better ,I struggled with the fact that I had made it  to 42 years of age without medication, so why now am I not coping and needing to take it? My doctor had repeatedly told me that I had climbed mountains in my lifetime and had made it to the top, and that I can do it again. I don’t think he even realised how important or strong those words were to  me during those healing days.

He was right – I was going to find that inner strength again no matter how long it took me. I decided that there was no way I’m going to take all this medication every single day, for the rest of my life.

One night whilst taking medication for : Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I found myself stuck in my kitchen  polishing my bench tops with 5 different tea-towels. No matter what, the bench still wasn’t shiny enough for me, I was bending down looking sideways for any streaks I may have left. I felt like I was going crazy, and was about to break down crying.  I knew I was obsessing, but I just couldn’t stop myself. That was when I knew I had to get back to that place I went to for all those years, that had some how,  helped me with that Obsessive side. Its not that I hadn’t obsessed in the past,because I had! It’s just that I had better control over it. So I thought, hang on, you’re on meds and you are still obsessing. Why is that?! – something has to change. I slowly kept decreasing the meds I was on,until I finally  got down to just the Seroquel. I suffered many headaches and did lots of crying, but it was all worth it.When I told my psychiatrist he was a bit reluctant to praise me, as he didn’t want me to relapse. Truth be known, nor did I, but I was going to give it a damned good shot. So I agreed to stay on the Seroquel  as I knew it helped my mind stay calm and not be all over the place.

The only medication I take now is  the Seroquel, which  is a great medication. It helps put me to sleep, and stops thoughts from racing so fast through my head. The only thing that bothers me taking Seroquel is the cravings I get during the night.I actually wake up and go to the fridge and seek out sweet things. Shocking for the waist line 🙂 I’ve gone from 54kilo’s to 58 kilo’s, in the last few months. My doctor has suggested I try eat carrots every time I get the urge to binge eat. Well, I tried that, but my will power sucks! I have hired an exercise bike, with the hope that it will keep control of my weight ( fingers crossed).

It’s the  only side affect that bothers me, so I’m continuing with the medication.

Everyone is different, and we  take  medications for different reason., It’s  WHAT WORKED FOR ME! Playing around with your Meds can be dangerous and shouldn’t really be done without your doctors guidance.

Not been medicated for most of my life  was the reason I refused to start now. In saying that though, I had to admit defeat when it came to the Seroque, because  I had never known a peace inside my head like that, until i started taking it. If you have Bi-Polar you would know what I’m talking about. When I’m happy,I’m ecstatic, when I’m down, I’m really down. It’s like been on a roller coaster ride, but one you can’t get off.

No one wants to become a victim to the drug companies!  So, if you can reduce the amount you are on, and still be well, isn’t that what we are all looking for? It’s not that I’m against medication because I’m not. But if you can decrease the amount you take and still be well, then that’s a beautiful thing.

Remember to stay under the guidance of your doctor, and good luck with finding what best suits you.

Image Source : here


Filed under My treatments

5 responses to “Medication

  1. Pingback: Decreasing medication | depressionexists

  2. Aww luvey such a sensible (for want of a better word) post. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you and I am sooo glad that medication does help xx
    As I said previously both my girls are on meds for OCD/low scale depression/panic attacks. Before they started medication there were many freaky out moments. My eldest found comfort in sitting in front (almost on top of) a small bathroom heater when she was having a low. Different ways to calm the body.Both of them have gained a couple of kilos too, but I figure they are so much better with the tabs,if it means putting on a bit extra weight it’s worth it. **huggles**

  3. God I wish I had the ability to ignore the weight gain!…Even though I’ve decreased my medication…If I felt I was slipping into never never land *laughing*…I would go straight to the cupboard and take what ever makes me feel good again!!…Chocolate,coke and cupcakes!!!! Lol xxxx

  4. I struggle with this one … I tell others….medication is not bad … it goes hand in hand with therapy for most. There is no shame in it.

    Yet …. I have a hard time giving myself a pass. Recently I had to increase the dosage … and … last week…we did so again. I had thought I was able to go down … *sighs*

    But life goes on … it is what it is.

    For you I am glad that you have been able to cut some of them out and that you have found what works for you.

    This was an excellent post.

  5. Every one is different and needs to go down that path alone! *smiling*
    We stop and get lost along the way and think it’s never going to get better..then something pushes us to get back on the path…we start to feel better!!… Then we don’t think we need to keep going! we veer in another direction!!!

    What now? we get lost again and want to sit down and just cry!!
    Staying on meds and focused is a good thing!!
    I just have a very impulsive personality and sometimes I forget to stay on that wellness path! *smiling* xxxxxxxxxx

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