I could hear a motorbike sound and vaguely remember someone talking to me and pricking my finger, I fell again;back in to a deep sleep.
Someone was calling my name, I  thought I saw an angel but when I finally opened my eyes right up, I realised it was my sister. I told her someone had died, she said nobody had died, Paula, you took an overdose and you’re in the hospital.

I couldn’t believe it, god no! I’m not suppose to be alive.
I cried so much and didn’t stop crying for days, what do I do now, how can I face everyone.
God what have I done, this can’t be happening, this isn’t what I planned.

I’ve never felt so alone and terrified in my life, I pleaded with my husband to take me home; I knew if they had read my suicide note, I wouldn’t be able to leave.
He told me I needed help and to be patient, that I was in the right place and would be getting all the help I needed to get better again. I even texted my sister and mother pleading to get me out of there, but they couldn’t.

This is not what I wanted; someone to get inside my head and work out why I tried to commit suicide. I was angry that my husband had called an ambulance and even angrier at myself for not getting it right.
So after lots more crying and having to open up to the hospital  psychiatrist, the descision to admit me to physiciatric care was made, (or should I say forced upon me) either I admitted myself to Perth Clinic ( A private institute for people with psychological disorders ) or I would be taken to Greylands (public system).

Everything I had ever heard about Greylands made me scared to go there, so reluctantly; I was going to Perth Clinic.
The crying I did in the first few days was enough to last a lifetime, at the end of the day it wouldn’t have mattered where I went; Perth Clinic or Greylands, they both would have wanted me to tell the truth of what brought me to want to commit suicide.

For privacy reasons I won’t mention the name of my shrink, all I can say is they saved my life.
After telling him my story and what led me to where I was, it was decided that I would have to have an ECT. I had refused to eat for a few days, as I was punishing myself for living.
No matter how hard I tried to stop crying I couldn’t, so the  best thing to help stop the crying and help the mending process, was to start with a series of ECT’s, along with some anti-depreassants.
Not too long after my first ECT the crying had calmed a little, but the good thing was that I could drink something. I became addicted to Milo, how strange is that!
If it wasn’t for Milo I would have been put on a drip (Go Milo) 🙂
I proceeded to live and nourish myself on Milo for the next month.

The sadness I had endured for years was all about to be revealed, I was there for 1 month, had 15 ECT’S  and even more severe headaches from them.
But at the end of the day they saved me, and I know that to be the truth.

I had lots of therapy and oddly did lots of colouring in, actually it was really therapeutic.
My husband bought me flowers and the way I was feeling at the time I had no interest in them, but a few days later; I ws in bed crying again. When I looked up and saw the flowers on top of the T.V, I began to feel different about them; all of a sudden I liked the colour, the box they were in and the shapes. From that moment on, I was totally obsessed with flowers and wanting different colours! Pink was the main colour actually, I wanted anything that was pink, pink textas, pencils etc.

I have found solace in the colour pink, to this day; it calms me and brings me a happiness like no-other.
I now appreciate and enjoy the company of flowers.


Filed under My treatments

12 responses to “Flowers

  1. Oh Katie!!!. That’s sooo pretty! ..Thank you!! xxxx

  2. great post my friend, my friend Have nice night

  3. Could you please tell me how you find the Perth Clinic? I came across your blog on a google search looking for comments and feedback on the treatment there. I am moving to Perth in a couple of months from Brisbane and would love to hear recommendation for psychs as well. I have bipolar & ADHD and I am happy with either a female or male doctor. I have also looked at the Hollywood Hospital website and am guessing that with only 40 beds it would be a lot different to the Perth Clinic. I currently go to Belmont Private Hospital which has about the same size as the Perth Clinic and hoping that it’s run in a similar way. Would really appreciate any suggestions and comments that anyone can give me. And please let me know if there are any psychs that don’t have the best reputation and best to avoid.

  4. Hello Emma!

    Perth clinic is a private hospital and is at: 29 Havelock St. West Perth.
    (08-94814888) If you have private cover I would so recommend this place. It’s friendly has great therapy and amazing food!! Lol. Each morning you tick on a menu what you want to eat … then go to the dining room. You can also pay for a family member to come and eat dinner with you. It is truly a great place. The staff were all very nurturing. I can only speak from my own experiences though. 🙂 I won’t say who my Doctor is, but there is a practice across the road from Perth Clinic. It has many Psychiatrists that work out of there. Not sure if they are all private or some public? I would say both?
    They are in Parliament Place, West Perth. (08-94865800) I would call and speak to the front desk there, and they will have heaps of info for you.
    If you have heard of Kings Park in Perth? It’s literally 3 minutes away from there. Goodluck and hope you are well. Hugs to you. Paula xxxxx

    • Thanks Paula. I was looking on their website and it is really nice and seems to be run in a similar way to the hospital I go to here in Brissie where you have freedom to be with your visitors or do your own thing in. Although I did see that they had closed the smoking area.With regards to the Doctor I think that I will leave that up to my doctor. The mix of my meds are unusual and I don’t want to change just because he hasn’t seen them work together before but Dr T is going to look into it. I would be happier if he moved over as well. Thanks very much for you help.

  5. Dean

    My wife and I have battled with her anxiety and depression for three years now. I see things slowly escalating. After many times talking and threatening it, my beautiful wife took an overdose no t two weeks back. She recovered and now we both have agreed in trying in patient care at a private facility care for a while. Perth clinic has been highly recommended to us and her care providers have also agreed and are submitting requests. We just need to work out how to pay for it. I only have part time work and my wife cant presently work.
    I know it is a rude question, but does anyone know what the in patient costs are at Perth Clinic and if there is any help available from centrelink to affray these costs.
    Any advise would be greatly appreciated by both of us.

    • Thanks for stopping by my blog and trying to get information to help your wife. Perth Clinic is extremely costly but a fantastic facility. There is Psychiatrist Rooms at 46 Parliament Place,
      West Perth, WA 6005.
      Here there are many psychiatrist that deal with patients from Perth Clinic. Mine included. It’s literally diagonally across from Perth Clinic. If you call them they may be able to help with a psychiatrist that could possibly get your wife into Perth Clinic. As for a rebate, I’m not sure so give them a call and see if they can help you. Maybe by seeing one of their Dr’s it may get you in there quicker. Much love to you and your wife. Hope this info helps in some way. Good luck. Hugs Paula xxx

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